A thread on PE brought up the problems that can happen with a easy child when they grow up with a difficult child. It isn't a topic we talk about specifically very often, and it is an important one, in my opinion.
I think I have some different ideas on this because I was the mostly easy child in a family with a serious difficult child who was not getting any real treatment. There wasn't really anything available that I am aware of, and my folks flat out refused to believe much of what was going on. It was NOT easy.
I know some of us have seen easy child children turn into difficult children during the teen years and this happens for many reasons. I don't think many of us talk about the attention given to the difficult child and the pressure and strain that the whole family experiences as a major factor in that change.
Our kids see us spend so much of our energy dealing with difficult children, the therapy and other appts they need, the drama they cause, the triangulation, the dangerous situations we end up in or have to go rescue them from, etc... We are exhausted when it comes to the easy child and it is easy to slide into letting them fix their own problems because we are so emotionally, physically and financially exhausted by the demands and needs of the difficult child.
What are your ideas on this topic? What did you do that you feel as right for easy child? Wrong? What do you do to try to give easy child as much of your time and resources as is needed? How do you find that one on one time with easy child when difficult child is causing constant conflama?
It can be so easy to just let the easy child's do easy child stuff and spend our energies on working with our difficult children. Sadly, that can send the message that the only way to get our time and attention is to do difficult child things. Our pcs take that, and their anger and sorrow over growing up with a difficult child and they can head down that difficult child road too.
What are your thoughts on this topic? what have you done to make sure the easy child children are safe from the difficult child, and to make sure that they are getting the time and attention they need to help keep them from the difficult child path? Do you talk about this? Evaluate what psychiatrists and tdocs recommend in the light of the needs of the entire family? How do the 'experts' react when you say that you can't/won't follow a plan because of the impact it will have on the other children in the family?
I think I have some different ideas on this because I was the mostly easy child in a family with a serious difficult child who was not getting any real treatment. There wasn't really anything available that I am aware of, and my folks flat out refused to believe much of what was going on. It was NOT easy.
I know some of us have seen easy child children turn into difficult children during the teen years and this happens for many reasons. I don't think many of us talk about the attention given to the difficult child and the pressure and strain that the whole family experiences as a major factor in that change.
Our kids see us spend so much of our energy dealing with difficult children, the therapy and other appts they need, the drama they cause, the triangulation, the dangerous situations we end up in or have to go rescue them from, etc... We are exhausted when it comes to the easy child and it is easy to slide into letting them fix their own problems because we are so emotionally, physically and financially exhausted by the demands and needs of the difficult child.
What are your ideas on this topic? What did you do that you feel as right for easy child? Wrong? What do you do to try to give easy child as much of your time and resources as is needed? How do you find that one on one time with easy child when difficult child is causing constant conflama?
It can be so easy to just let the easy child's do easy child stuff and spend our energies on working with our difficult children. Sadly, that can send the message that the only way to get our time and attention is to do difficult child things. Our pcs take that, and their anger and sorrow over growing up with a difficult child and they can head down that difficult child road too.
What are your thoughts on this topic? what have you done to make sure the easy child children are safe from the difficult child, and to make sure that they are getting the time and attention they need to help keep them from the difficult child path? Do you talk about this? Evaluate what psychiatrists and tdocs recommend in the light of the needs of the entire family? How do the 'experts' react when you say that you can't/won't follow a plan because of the impact it will have on the other children in the family?