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Rant! I am so tired of this - it all just seems so ridiculous
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 330870" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>I can understand the exhausted feeling that comes with a difficult child. They have a way of wearing us down until we can barely do day to day tasks forget about managing them. Something that helped me was finally recognizing that all parents of easy child teens have drama too. It's a tough age and a certain degree of chaos, moodiness and difficulties is actually quite normal. Doesn't make it more fun but it put it in a new perspective for me. I know families with easy child's who are worse off than my difficult child. Ironic...</p><p> </p><p>My biggest concern with my almost 16 year old is his learning to manage his medications by himself before he gets to 18 and being on his own if he gets there. (I doubt it) All our work as parents goes down the tubes if they rebel and quit the medications as adults. </p><p> </p><p>I know your difficult child would roll her eyes at the idea but why no sleep overs at your house? It sounds like you have a working relationship with her friends mother. Is there a way to enlist her help on this. All teens think their parents are uncool. Strangely enough most of my difficult child friends like me but he just can't stand having friends over. *shrug* Anyway, if she had what felt like some freedom and privacy with friends at home you could have her home already for the medications. Maybe bribe her with a pizza for her sleepover or give them a fun activity like stuff for manicures. (I hate to use the word bribe but sometimes rewards for good behavior help me)</p><p> </p><p>I'm also trying to teach difficult child some basic logic. As an impulsive teen as well he gets himself into sticky situations without a thought. I just don't get how he does it. You mentioned difficult child boyfriend troubles. Is there any way you could mention in a non confrontational manner that difficult personalities, moodiness or acting out can send a boyfriend running for the hills? I don't want to set off any womens lib alarms, I'm just talking about teen level silliness and games that go on in both genders. Maybe she was edgy and has a way of torpedo-ing her relationships. boyfriend's and parents are a lot less tolerant of brattiness than friends are. It's easy to assume since friends approve that the parents and boyfriend are the ones with the problem. lol</p><p> </p><p>I know my difficult child struggles with his diagnosis. It is such a rough age. He just wants to be normal, whatever that is. The diagnosis hurt his self esteem when it needed a boost. Just bad timing in life. Even if he refuses to admit it he is aware of his behavior sometimes and how it impacts him socially. Outside of and independant of the impossible task of keeping parents quiet (another lol) he also has to learn to accept the inevitable life struggles he knows are in store for him. Then as soon as he makes progress he gets distracted and we start over again. He is angry that he has a disorder. The process of acceptance is hard even for adults.</p><p> </p><p>Changing medications is another nightmare. There is that glimmer of hope everything will improve and then out of the blue they start being snarling beasts again. It has a way of wearing a parent down. Take care of yourself first. If you are not feeling up to things they can smell it like sharks sensing blood in the water. I'm solving that on my end by starting a yoga class. I need the relaxation, the escape from home and most of all I deserve it. I deserve to not have my every "free" moment consumed by a difficult child who takes advantage of my kindness and grinds me into the ground. I deserve to be a squeaky wheel and a priority too!! I think they need to see that the world doesn't start and end with their wants. (final lol)</p><p> </p><p>I know you were glad to get her home. I wanted to strangle my difficult child last night but he managed to pull it together at an outing he didn't deserve and came home human. I'm not sure I would have handled her demands as kindly as you did. It seems like something my difficult child does too. 1. Has a "fit". 2. Finds way to emotionally punish and tire parents out. 3.Use unfair upper hand to keep emotional hostage of family and demand things he doesn't deserve and didn't earn. Easy for me to point all that out. I must admit I cave too sometimes just to keep peace. Is it right? Is it fair? I don't know, don't think so. Sometimes we just do what we have to in order to get by. They say consistancy helps. I'll let you know how that works the first week I have the energy to chase a difficult child like a crazed toddler. *sigh*</p><p> </p><p>These difficult child didn't come with instructions. Maybe decide and aim for what kind of relationship you want with her when she is 30. I know I wouldn't tolerate some of what difficult child does if he were and adult so I don't take it now. Being under 18 doesn't make the nastiness suddenly appropriate. All teens need to know that you can't treat people like dirt and think they will keep being okay with it. I set my own personal boundaries and limits and enforce them. That works with my toxic Mother and with my hard to love difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 330870, member: 8617"] I can understand the exhausted feeling that comes with a difficult child. They have a way of wearing us down until we can barely do day to day tasks forget about managing them. Something that helped me was finally recognizing that all parents of easy child teens have drama too. It's a tough age and a certain degree of chaos, moodiness and difficulties is actually quite normal. Doesn't make it more fun but it put it in a new perspective for me. I know families with easy child's who are worse off than my difficult child. Ironic... My biggest concern with my almost 16 year old is his learning to manage his medications by himself before he gets to 18 and being on his own if he gets there. (I doubt it) All our work as parents goes down the tubes if they rebel and quit the medications as adults. I know your difficult child would roll her eyes at the idea but why no sleep overs at your house? It sounds like you have a working relationship with her friends mother. Is there a way to enlist her help on this. All teens think their parents are uncool. Strangely enough most of my difficult child friends like me but he just can't stand having friends over. *shrug* Anyway, if she had what felt like some freedom and privacy with friends at home you could have her home already for the medications. Maybe bribe her with a pizza for her sleepover or give them a fun activity like stuff for manicures. (I hate to use the word bribe but sometimes rewards for good behavior help me) I'm also trying to teach difficult child some basic logic. As an impulsive teen as well he gets himself into sticky situations without a thought. I just don't get how he does it. You mentioned difficult child boyfriend troubles. Is there any way you could mention in a non confrontational manner that difficult personalities, moodiness or acting out can send a boyfriend running for the hills? I don't want to set off any womens lib alarms, I'm just talking about teen level silliness and games that go on in both genders. Maybe she was edgy and has a way of torpedo-ing her relationships. boyfriend's and parents are a lot less tolerant of brattiness than friends are. It's easy to assume since friends approve that the parents and boyfriend are the ones with the problem. lol I know my difficult child struggles with his diagnosis. It is such a rough age. He just wants to be normal, whatever that is. The diagnosis hurt his self esteem when it needed a boost. Just bad timing in life. Even if he refuses to admit it he is aware of his behavior sometimes and how it impacts him socially. Outside of and independant of the impossible task of keeping parents quiet (another lol) he also has to learn to accept the inevitable life struggles he knows are in store for him. Then as soon as he makes progress he gets distracted and we start over again. He is angry that he has a disorder. The process of acceptance is hard even for adults. Changing medications is another nightmare. There is that glimmer of hope everything will improve and then out of the blue they start being snarling beasts again. It has a way of wearing a parent down. Take care of yourself first. If you are not feeling up to things they can smell it like sharks sensing blood in the water. I'm solving that on my end by starting a yoga class. I need the relaxation, the escape from home and most of all I deserve it. I deserve to not have my every "free" moment consumed by a difficult child who takes advantage of my kindness and grinds me into the ground. I deserve to be a squeaky wheel and a priority too!! I think they need to see that the world doesn't start and end with their wants. (final lol) I know you were glad to get her home. I wanted to strangle my difficult child last night but he managed to pull it together at an outing he didn't deserve and came home human. I'm not sure I would have handled her demands as kindly as you did. It seems like something my difficult child does too. 1. Has a "fit". 2. Finds way to emotionally punish and tire parents out. 3.Use unfair upper hand to keep emotional hostage of family and demand things he doesn't deserve and didn't earn. Easy for me to point all that out. I must admit I cave too sometimes just to keep peace. Is it right? Is it fair? I don't know, don't think so. Sometimes we just do what we have to in order to get by. They say consistancy helps. I'll let you know how that works the first week I have the energy to chase a difficult child like a crazed toddler. *sigh* These difficult child didn't come with instructions. Maybe decide and aim for what kind of relationship you want with her when she is 30. I know I wouldn't tolerate some of what difficult child does if he were and adult so I don't take it now. Being under 18 doesn't make the nastiness suddenly appropriate. All teens need to know that you can't treat people like dirt and think they will keep being okay with it. I set my own personal boundaries and limits and enforce them. That works with my toxic Mother and with my hard to love difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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Rant! I am so tired of this - it all just seems so ridiculous
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