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Re: Help I need help kicked my son out (Intro post)
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 484667" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, there and welcome to the board.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Star. At your son's age, why is he living at home? Regardless of what your family says (I would limit contact with them right now), any twenty-five year old who still lives at home with ME better be clean and sober, gainfully employed, paying rent, doing a lot of the chores and acting respectfully. I had to escort our daughter out of the house when she used drugs AND SHE QUIT! Not saying it's that simple, but she has told me many times that the easier I made it for her, the less incentive she would have had to face who she had become. She is 27 now, graduating college in a few weeks, living in a house she bought with her SO of eight years and doing GREAT. At one time I thought, "She will either end up in prison or dead."</p><p></p><p>What can you do to make your son see the light? Nothing. You can't make him see the light. He has to come to t he conclusion that he hates his life and has to change. You can talk to him all day every day (and all night too) and he will not quit or even seek help until he is ready to do so. He is an adult now and you can not control what he does. You can only control your reaction to what he does. You can only make sure he does not ruin YOUR life and you can learn to detach from him and to focus your caring on those who are kind and loving toward you. You aren't helping him by giving him a warm place to go home to when he is abusive and self-destructive. Unfortunately, his grandparents are, but you can't control THEM either.</p><p></p><p>Finally, I would go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting to talk to people who have gone through what you are in real life. I found the groups both very helpful.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are going through this, and I understand. Most of us have been through this and we understand. And we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 484667, member: 1550"] Hi, there and welcome to the board. I agree with Star. At your son's age, why is he living at home? Regardless of what your family says (I would limit contact with them right now), any twenty-five year old who still lives at home with ME better be clean and sober, gainfully employed, paying rent, doing a lot of the chores and acting respectfully. I had to escort our daughter out of the house when she used drugs AND SHE QUIT! Not saying it's that simple, but she has told me many times that the easier I made it for her, the less incentive she would have had to face who she had become. She is 27 now, graduating college in a few weeks, living in a house she bought with her SO of eight years and doing GREAT. At one time I thought, "She will either end up in prison or dead." What can you do to make your son see the light? Nothing. You can't make him see the light. He has to come to t he conclusion that he hates his life and has to change. You can talk to him all day every day (and all night too) and he will not quit or even seek help until he is ready to do so. He is an adult now and you can not control what he does. You can only control your reaction to what he does. You can only make sure he does not ruin YOUR life and you can learn to detach from him and to focus your caring on those who are kind and loving toward you. You aren't helping him by giving him a warm place to go home to when he is abusive and self-destructive. Unfortunately, his grandparents are, but you can't control THEM either. Finally, I would go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting to talk to people who have gone through what you are in real life. I found the groups both very helpful. I am so sorry you are going through this, and I understand. Most of us have been through this and we understand. And we care. [/QUOTE]
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Re: Help I need help kicked my son out (Intro post)
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