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Re: Help I need help kicked my son out (Intro post)
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 484904" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Lupus IS painful. Being nearly blind? Is debilitating. Having a 52 year old son, that doesn't work, with his (untold number) pregnant girlfriend (both on drugs) unable to support himself that comes home in the middle of the night and begs his Mother to let them use her vehicle to go BACK to the bar in a threatening tone because she's continually ENABLED her children all her life due to HER health situation and fear of being ALONE? Not so good. When the son and his girlfriend grabbed the keys and went out to her van and took it anyway - and she stood behind it to STOP them from driving drunk yet again in HER car - yet again? They ran her over and drug her about 1/4 of a mile down the road and she died about a week later. </p><p>The other son - my x? Was in jail, so messed up on drugs he didn't even know his Mother had been killed by his brother and girlfriend. But as a favor to their Mother (her dying wish) they let him out and instead of hanging around the funeral home he went and got high and nearly missed the funeral. Gosh - what a winner. The other siblings fought so badly at the funeral people left. Her Grandchildren fought over what little possessions she did have...and they actually FOUGHT over the van that killed her. </p><p></p><p>Her biggest fear? Being alone, and not having her son ever get well. Twenty years ago I begged her to STOP meddling in his life - (my x) SHE refused. She knew how to manipulate EVERYONE. She would go to a therapist once in a while, and had ALL THE ANSWERS. She felt SORRY for her sons and did EVERYTHING for them to bail their butts out of trouble. Her x husband to this day won't talk to his sons. Has very little to do with the others. My point in all of this to you? She was so worried about being alone, and scaring off her kids - and in the end? She did NOT do any of them any favors. They are ALL still miserable drunks that can NOT keep a job - are in and out of jail constantly in their mid to late 5o's....have absolutely NO money and at what point do you tell a man to grow up and be responsible for HIMSELF????? At what point do you say - I will be okay on my own.....go live your life? She was lonely, and sick, and for that? She could have gotten Medicare to get her a nurse or help or whatever. She needed to LET HIM and her other kids - go live their lives and figure out for herself how to live hers the best way she could,and hope they get help. </p><p></p><p>As far as the abuse? No.....don't EVEN try to tell me that BECAUSE he ONLY......mentally abuses you it's NOT AS BAD either. I don't have to have a broken bone or a busted jaw to be a victim and NEED COUNSELING. If you are suffering in a house where people are allowing this to happen to you and you are accepting this? THEN YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHY....and get help. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE ON ANY LEVEL FOR ANY REASON....You don't like hearing it....and the next step IS being physical. Then what? No one WANTS to think about it...or HOPE for it - but it can happen. You need help for YOU......and as far as a ride??? Well - Medicaid and Medicare SHOULD offer cab service and some sort of van service for you - you'll have to call and check what's available in your area. I know most areas OFFER.....services for people TO and FROM counseling.....in most cities. Medicaid offered it here. And if you start calling social services and TELL them? Well - all you can do is call - and as far as CALLING? The domestic violence people are NOT just for people that are BEATEN.......they are there ON THE PHONE......for people that are mentally and verbally abused too. THAT IS YOU- NO CAR REQUIRED. </p><p></p><p>THESE are....very hard words to swallow - but there is no sugar coating anything I have to say. I have no back door neighbor softy policy when it comes to helping in these situations......and you ARE in a situation like this. Plain and simple - nothing ANYONE wants to hear - I certainly didn't.....Lord knows...I wasn't "abused" or tortured, or a battered wife....those people were stupid. Well the dumb thing about it would have been to refuse to listen and NOT get help and continue to live like that. In chaos, in turmoil, in tears....miserable.....crying all the time....and NOT taking advantage of the advice that put me within reach of knowing I AM worthy and I CAN feel better, BE healthier.....mentally and physically. Your Lupus? May even take a backseat once your stress goes down. I lost an Aunt to Lupus and am on watch myself for it. So far - so good......nothing showing up.....I do feel for you moomm......I really really do. And I get where you are coming from - a LOT of us do......really really. </p><p></p><p>It's okay some days...it just stinks to be you....and then you meet us and your days start to get a little better, and you get a little less angry about taking the advice....and you feel a twinge happier....and things don't seem so hopeless....and knowing you have support and that you are not really nuts helps a lot. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love .....</p><p>STar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 484904, member: 4964"] Lupus IS painful. Being nearly blind? Is debilitating. Having a 52 year old son, that doesn't work, with his (untold number) pregnant girlfriend (both on drugs) unable to support himself that comes home in the middle of the night and begs his Mother to let them use her vehicle to go BACK to the bar in a threatening tone because she's continually ENABLED her children all her life due to HER health situation and fear of being ALONE? Not so good. When the son and his girlfriend grabbed the keys and went out to her van and took it anyway - and she stood behind it to STOP them from driving drunk yet again in HER car - yet again? They ran her over and drug her about 1/4 of a mile down the road and she died about a week later. The other son - my x? Was in jail, so messed up on drugs he didn't even know his Mother had been killed by his brother and girlfriend. But as a favor to their Mother (her dying wish) they let him out and instead of hanging around the funeral home he went and got high and nearly missed the funeral. Gosh - what a winner. The other siblings fought so badly at the funeral people left. Her Grandchildren fought over what little possessions she did have...and they actually FOUGHT over the van that killed her. Her biggest fear? Being alone, and not having her son ever get well. Twenty years ago I begged her to STOP meddling in his life - (my x) SHE refused. She knew how to manipulate EVERYONE. She would go to a therapist once in a while, and had ALL THE ANSWERS. She felt SORRY for her sons and did EVERYTHING for them to bail their butts out of trouble. Her x husband to this day won't talk to his sons. Has very little to do with the others. My point in all of this to you? She was so worried about being alone, and scaring off her kids - and in the end? She did NOT do any of them any favors. They are ALL still miserable drunks that can NOT keep a job - are in and out of jail constantly in their mid to late 5o's....have absolutely NO money and at what point do you tell a man to grow up and be responsible for HIMSELF????? At what point do you say - I will be okay on my own.....go live your life? She was lonely, and sick, and for that? She could have gotten Medicare to get her a nurse or help or whatever. She needed to LET HIM and her other kids - go live their lives and figure out for herself how to live hers the best way she could,and hope they get help. As far as the abuse? No.....don't EVEN try to tell me that BECAUSE he ONLY......mentally abuses you it's NOT AS BAD either. I don't have to have a broken bone or a busted jaw to be a victim and NEED COUNSELING. If you are suffering in a house where people are allowing this to happen to you and you are accepting this? THEN YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHY....and get help. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE ON ANY LEVEL FOR ANY REASON....You don't like hearing it....and the next step IS being physical. Then what? No one WANTS to think about it...or HOPE for it - but it can happen. You need help for YOU......and as far as a ride??? Well - Medicaid and Medicare SHOULD offer cab service and some sort of van service for you - you'll have to call and check what's available in your area. I know most areas OFFER.....services for people TO and FROM counseling.....in most cities. Medicaid offered it here. And if you start calling social services and TELL them? Well - all you can do is call - and as far as CALLING? The domestic violence people are NOT just for people that are BEATEN.......they are there ON THE PHONE......for people that are mentally and verbally abused too. THAT IS YOU- NO CAR REQUIRED. THESE are....very hard words to swallow - but there is no sugar coating anything I have to say. I have no back door neighbor softy policy when it comes to helping in these situations......and you ARE in a situation like this. Plain and simple - nothing ANYONE wants to hear - I certainly didn't.....Lord knows...I wasn't "abused" or tortured, or a battered wife....those people were stupid. Well the dumb thing about it would have been to refuse to listen and NOT get help and continue to live like that. In chaos, in turmoil, in tears....miserable.....crying all the time....and NOT taking advantage of the advice that put me within reach of knowing I AM worthy and I CAN feel better, BE healthier.....mentally and physically. Your Lupus? May even take a backseat once your stress goes down. I lost an Aunt to Lupus and am on watch myself for it. So far - so good......nothing showing up.....I do feel for you moomm......I really really do. And I get where you are coming from - a LOT of us do......really really. It's okay some days...it just stinks to be you....and then you meet us and your days start to get a little better, and you get a little less angry about taking the advice....and you feel a twinge happier....and things don't seem so hopeless....and knowing you have support and that you are not really nuts helps a lot. Hugs & Love ..... STar [/QUOTE]
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