Re: She's 6 and I think a sociopath

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by c_montgomery26, Dec 17, 2011.

  1. c_montgomery26

    c_montgomery26 New Member

    I am trying to post a thread but just cant figure it out....I cried reading the post "she's 6 and I think a sociopath". I felt as If I was reading about my son to the T...everything was words that were just taken out of my mouth....I don't know what to do with my son, he is 7 and has no self control...I just realized he has been stealing from my purse and he is always lying....nothing that comes out of his mouth can be believed. he lies about 95% of the time....when he gets into trouble he storms off screaming that he hates his family, we are all mean, and he dont want to live with us anymore....he is diagnosed with ADHD and ODD....I'm at the point that I dont know what to do anymore. When he gets into trouble he never apologizes unless I tell him too....he says sorry when he wants something and as soon as he gets it he goes back to the misbehavior.....he is very rarley genuine....he is very manipulative...and he feels as if he is intitled to what he wants. I talk to him and it seems to not register
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to our corner of the internet.

    That post was a very rare situation so dont lose hope yet. Most folks are going to tell you that ADHD and ODD are probably not his correct diagnosis. I dont know if it is or not. Is your son medicated? Does he see a psychiatrist or a therapist? If not, I would definitely suggest that you get him into one. People here swear by neuropsychologist testing. Im not such a true believer in them but I do think that getting a good work up at a Childrens hospital where they will do lots of testing to see if there is more going on is a good thing. You want to rule out anything physical first of all.

    Does he have issues at school as well? If so, you need to contact the school and request testing for an IEP so he can get help there too. You can check out our Special Education section for help on that.

    Again welcome and more folks will be along to say hi. My youngest was a complete mess when he was little - and he still is at times - but he has become much more tame with
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi, it is better you start your own thread anyway.... this is good. I am so glad you found us. As Janet said, that was a child where there were tons of extra things too. Many kids look like they dont (cant) follow society rules, and often they are high functioning autism or bi-polar or have adhd plus other things, there are so many possibilities. Many of us can relate to the behaviors you are talking about. At that young age (or that young of a developmental age for some of us) there is a lot of hope.

    What kinds of testing have you had done?
    How does he play with others?
    How were his developmental milestones? early, late, etc..
    What is going on at school?
    What is his birth history, any thing on your or dad's sides (or if adopted birth parent) that indicate a family chance of problems?

    None of these questions is a judgemental kind of thing, believe me....WE HERE GET IT!!! Just when you share these details, many of us can say, oh yeah, I get that! Here is what I did, etc.....

    "Sorry" for young kids and developmentally challenged kids can often just be a learned thing. Something they learn to get along in society, but something they dont really feel, at least like we feel it. They may feel sorry they got caught.

    ADHD kids are developmentallly (at least socially) often very very behind other kids. So he is 7 chronologically, but maybe more like a preschooler. These kids do not get ownership as older kids do. they know it is mommy's but they stll feel if they like it they should be able to take it ... there is a great poem out there somewhere about the property laws of toddlers/preschoolers. All very true. They also have very blurred lines for truth. Truth is what they want the truth to be.

    Does he hurt animals? Does he hurt other kids, you? (many of us have that too, sigh). How is his sleep? How does he eat? How is his growth. Can he play games with others..... IF he can what kinds of games. I watched a little boy in the grocery store using veggies as "guys' to talk and laugh to eachother. HE wa sitting in the little kid seat in the cart. I felt sad, my son has never had imaginative play like that. He will sometimes imitate what others do or say, or imitate TV guys, but nothing new and built on what another kid says.....

    Not doubting your story at all, there are some really hard to figure out kids and kids who will have had behaviors for life. But trying to offer you hope here. ARe you in teh US? Other country? We have a pretty mixed group here so it helps to know where you are from.

    Hope you check in frequently. It is the weekend and on Monday you will likely get a ton more responses. There is a pretty hard core supportive group here and I have felt truly blessed to join them. YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this. we DO believe this stuff, so that wont happen again to you.... you might get questions though, since we all come from different perspectives and knowledge.

    Welcome again, you did just fine with your post. (if you go to settings you can set up a signature to help people follow you over time....)

    ta for now, Buddy
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I want to repeat what Buddy said in that you are not alone. I know that it can feel that way, and I think that many of us have felt that way at some point along the way, but trust us when we say that you are not.

    Janet and Buddy asked all of the questions that I would have thought of, so I won't bore you and repeat them. Take a deep breath. You have found support and understanding here.
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Just wanted to add my welcome.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board.
  7. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    I also want to add welcomes! Being here is a life saver!
    I agree with the others regarding diagnosis!
    My son was also labelled ODD, but then later psychiatrist diagnosed AD! Since he is on medications our lives got much easier!
    please keep in touch!
  8. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Hi...just wanted to say welcome and......breathe. If you havent done so already, make a parent report. Start from the beginning...birth issues or not and go from there. Second, I'm big on nutrition and diet....cut food coloring and corn syrup. Third, make an appointment with a neuropsycholgist, armed withyour report.

    Dont know where u live, but most states have something inplace that is paid by medicaid. He does not need to be on medicaid. Call your local hospital and ask for the psychiatric dept. Ask them for the number for Value Options, Cmo, or crisis management. If you call them, you will be pprovided with support and treatment options that you probably wouldnt be able to get on your own.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board, but sorry you had to come here. It is very difficult when it seems a child has no conscience, but there are often reasons why it seems that way, even if it's not true.

    Is this your biological son? Has he had any serious breaks in caregivers since the time he was born until now? Is there a father in the picture? Any psychiatric problems or neurological disorders on either side of the family tree...biological parents, siblngs???

    The more you tell us, the more feedback we can give you and try to help.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Cmontgomery -

    Hi and welcome. First off - you aren't crazy. These kids' behaviors? They're enough to make normally, well behaved parents act nuts, say and do things that just would never ever think would come out of your mouth or body. Secondly - a lot of these kids either COME from broken homes where the parents think - Oh I got divorced early on, so it didn't affect my son - OR they remarried thinking a step parent surely filled the bill, OR eventually even some of the best parents are at odds with each other and the strain on the marriage is tremendous and sometimes even the best of marriages end. If you are lucky? You and your significant other catch the behaviors in time, and you ALL get into counseling which a LOT of people think is a waste of time - and children balk at, and some men balk at thinking it's the women's responsibility to parent or that once the kid is in therapy - everything will be fine or better or worse yet - 'cured' - or a pill will come along and then the whole PROBLEM will be solved - and so many of these things are just not true.

    A lot of the questions these fine ladies have asked you ARE legitimate reasons to a lot of the problems that CAN occur behind behavioral problems. There is also a thing called (in our world) co-morbids - which is more likely to be a word you will become used to and it means that while it may be a diet issue - he may have behavioral issues as well. Or while he may have mental health issues? He may also have metabolic issues you are unaware of. That's why it's absolutely crucial to get to a doctor, and get a recommendation and referral to a neurophysch, and from there a recommendation for a therapist the does EXCELLENT cognitive behavioral therapy - and know that it's not going to be for a month, or a week, or a year - it will take the family YEARS because you most likely will go once a week - for an hour. Not a lot you can accomplish working on one thing at a time, an hour at a time. Its frustrating, it's long, its drawn out. It's a process ------and in the mean time - YOU and your husband HAVE to find common ground, make a united front -----and find a doctor that is willing to arm you with knowledge as to HOW to talk to this person, communicate with this person, DEAL with this person without loosing your cool, and punish this person, reward this person, and it's not like everyone else - it's a whole new language. If you want it to work.....if you want him to be helped by the time he's hopefully in his 20's.....and that's the goal.

    Also know - medications will take time - some (ifyou choose) will work, others will not. Some will work with some, others won't - so it will be trial and error and finding the right dosage, medications and combinations can be challenging. Also diet, and possibly allergies. All this plays into what can help you all.

    My biggest recommendation at this point? LOCK things up. If he can't get to them - he can't steal them. We have locks and keys for every door in our house. We close and locked the doors beind us each time we went in and out and YES it was a pain - but things didn't get stolen.
    As for lying? There is help for that without blowing up and loosing your cool - you just need a professional to guide you.
    As for the I HATE YOU, and I DON"T WANT TO LIVE HERE - there is help for that - again - you need a professional to guide you to know what to say and what NOT to say and WHAT to do when you tough love this kid and he runs away - and how to NOT bluff....but mean what you say and stand firm. Not back down, NOT make idle threats. EVEN for a six year old.
    As for the manipulating? THERE is help for that - on how to be smarter than a first grader - but again - GET to a therapist - because HE is going to have to hear your whole story - in context YOUR ideas YOUR husbands ideas.......and then put the picture together - because.....and I don't say this lightly (as I have no idea but in our case there was) I had issues....and before I could parent correctly I had to deal with MY issues. So while I was trying to help my son - I was helping myself and I ended up in therapy. I wanted to be the best parent I could be. I didn't want to yell and scream and throw - I wanted to be effective - and solve problems.

    So there is a lot to this -------but the fact that you are looking for answers says a lot about you as a Mom.

    If you don't know where a neuropsyche is - don't worry - Go to your GP - make an appointment and tell HIM what you need. Start there anyway. Just incase it IS diet, or organic and something like an MRI is needed.

    Glad to have you here. We're a great support team.

    OH and ps. I was married to a sociopath/psychopath with bipolar tendencies, an alcoholic, drug addict yadda yadda - so if you care to know what a budding sociopath looks or acts like - I'll be glad to tell you what a full grown one is like. Hence my therapy...I saw a show recently that was on History chanel where a scientist is now able to isolate the gene of s sociopath with a blood test. - I do know we were told that if we didn't do something to change our sons behaviors with the history of my x's genetics and behaviors - our son was headed towards anti-social personality disorder. They actually end up at that before sociopath. So there IS time to change your son if that's what you suspect, but you can take just about any disorder and mold it to any ill behaved child on most any badly behaved day. Our son while not perfect is changed and better for a lot of interventions we did over the course of 15 years. Some proof for us is the fact that he idolizes his dog, and treats her like a baby. There are many things that have changed for the better. But it was a lot of hard work.

  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    You've already been given lots of excellent advice. Just want to welcome you too. Glad you found us. SFR