Ready to give up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tinamarie1, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    Why is it so hard for difficult child to just go to school and do his work? why why why? He has gotten to the point where he flat out refuses to do his work. Yesterday he laughed in his teachers face when she told him to do it. The day before, he was disrupting the class and she told him to move his desk. So being the smart a** he is, he lifted his heavy desk above his head, and flung it across the room. ACK! We have tried bribing him to do good (promised him a dirt bike at the end of the year), we try a behavior chart at home (where he loses privliages)..he could care less, spanking only enrages him worse, husband refuses for him to be put back on medications, I don't know what else to do. I am convinced that he is going to fail 3rd grade, and/ or get suspended before the end of the school year.
    Last night I had a full blown panic attack at the dinner table, couldn't breathe, my face turned hot and red, and then just a sudden onset of hysterical crying when I got back to my bedroom. This is a huge strain on my marriage, my family...we are about to move in a month & 1/2 so i don't want to start him seeing someone new (psychiatrist), not that he would adjust to new medications anyway given there are less than 3 weeks of school left.
    God please help me. That is all I know to do or say anymore.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is an off-the-wall question, but, since medications don't help him, has he ever been seen by a neuropsychologist to rule out a neurological disorder? Did he ever hav a speech delay? Any social problems? Any mood disorders or substance abuse in the family? Do you think he may be falling through the cracks and misdiagnosed (my son sure did and was!) Could he maybe be on the spectrum? My son, who is, had a lot of trouble doing homework and needs help prodding him along in school. He has a lot of learning disabilities, but he is, in general, doing really well, and his behavioral issues are gone. Just curious. Not saying that this is what he has :smile:
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    You say your son has a seizure disorder. Is it being treated? Is it under control? Seizure disorders can cause behavior problems. I'm wondering if there's a connection.
  4. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    Actually, he has been to a nerologist for an evaluation a few years ago, that is how we found out he has a mild seizure disorder (so mild that it comes across as a staring episode). We had him on medications for a few years for that, and the doctor said he hasn't noticed any change, so it was up to us if we wanted to keep paying the $40 a month for medications, so we made the decision to stop getting them.
    I personally don't think that his misbehavior can be because of his mild seizure disorder, this is blatant disrespect and defiance on his part. He is a super smart kid, at the beginning of the year he made honor roll, 2 first nine weeks. Something happens after xmas break, and he just decides school is not what he wants to do anymore.
    I want to have him re-evaluated this summer when we get moved. But I know I know I know that husband will never go for him being on any medications. So where does that leave me?
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    What medication was he taking and what dose? Did you notice behaivor worsening when he stopped taking it?

    I think a re-evaluation is a good idea. I would recommend a neuropsychological as well as a psychiatric evaluation.
  6. oceans

    oceans New Member

    What medications have you tried so far? The reason I am asking is that we tried a ton of medications for three years, but they were all stimulants and antidepressants, and those medications never worked. He is now on a mood stabilizer and anti psychotic and it is working wonderfully. Huge change!

    It sounds like you need a new evaluation and look at other possibilites besides ADD....

    It seems strange to me as well that he has a seizure disorder but medications don't help it? I have also heard that seizure disorder could have behavioral aspects.

    Perhaps you could get the new psychiatrist to speak to husband. If you do nothing different, then you can't expect anything different with regards to how he relates to his environment.
  7. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I can't remember the name of the seizure medication. Basically the doctor said that his case was so mild, most people don't take medications, and the medications were just a precaution that he wouldn't one day have an actual seizure. We could not notice a difference from when he was on the medications to when he wasn't.
    Some of the medications we have tried are:
    adderal xr? or rx?
    i think rispideral?
    difficult child had crazy reactions, everything from losing 20 pounds and refusing to eat at all, to extreme hallucinations audible and visual, also raged out of control on adderal.
    There were some others that the doctor said greatly increased his risk of getting diabetes (we have a family history anyway) and she would not suggest trying those. Now keep in mind, it has been a few years since he has been on any medications. They may have new ones out now.
    Well this is what I did after reading your posts, I looked up neuropsychologist. doctors in VA Beach (our new home this summer) and asked if they did evaluations on children and yes they do. So i went ahead and sched. an appointment for him. I am going to have a long talk with- husband tonite and see if he will atleast agree to talk to the doctor before totally saying no to medications, if that is what difficult child needs.
    I have always felt like there was so much more there than just adhd, but husband would never let me look into that, or always shuts me off when I try to discuss it. i guess to him adhd is more socially acceptable than lots of other things.
  8. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    My son also has seizures (his are sorta like staring episodes, too), and when they were happening several times a day, his behavior was COMPLETELY out of control. Zero impulse control, revved up as if he had severe ADHD, and just...dunno how else to say it...weird sometimes.

    He still has impulse control issues (and I love him, but he's weird still, too). But when the seizures were frequent it was a whole different level! The first thing I look for when his behavior starts going off the charts is whether he's having seizures.

    I'm sorry you had to pay so much (with our copay my son's medications are only maybe $10/month) but I wonder if it might be something to look at. If your husband is against the other medications at least seizures are something you can potentially PROVE a need for with an EEG.

    By the way we recently had a visit to the pediatrician. neuro and she did mention that it's common to wean kids off their seizure medications after 2 years and look for a recurrence of seizures. Sounds like that's maybe what you did?

    It sounds like your son has a lot of issues and it's hard to figure out what's causing what. I'm there, too, and I know how frustrating it is. My suggestion is just to keep trying, calling different specialists for their points of view, and see if you can get yourself on a new, more hopeful path.
  9. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    Oh, hey, you posted just when I did. Great to see that you got an appointment!
  10. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> what is husband's issue with-medications??? cost or stigma of a particular diagnosis? since diabetes is a family issue would he object if your son needed insulin to manage that? truly, this is no different. the point is to help your son function at his best.....physically & mentally.

    have you considered having difficult child moved to a self~contained least for awhile? it might help to get the focus off academics & on to the behavior issues. that seems easier to do when they are in a self~contained classroom.

    </span> </span> </span>
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Since giving up isn't an option it sounds like you & husband need to sit down & work out your differences on treatment options for difficult child.

    Would husband listen to psychiatrist or neurologist? In the past, I've deferred to the professionals to explain the situation to husband. While husband trusts my judgment he frequently needs to hear it from a 3rd party.

    From your post what you're doing now isn't working. You & husband will have to come up with a plan. If husband isn't willing to help, will he at least back down & let you do the research, appts & such?

    Another thing - anger begets anger. The calmer you remain while difficult child is in the midst of whatever "antic" the better the outcome.

    I hope things get better soon. You between a rock & a hard place!