O we tried that route, too. Tae kwon do was supposed to be GREAT for ADD issues and a good outlet for angry energy. NOT!!! Instead, difficult child began using her new "moves" on the kids at school...
I'm not saying this is what's happening your child - but for us, we learned that difficult child was being willful and stubborn on purpose, to a point. It was her remedy for feeling angry. If she was angry, upset and frustrated - then by golly she was gonna make sure that the people around her ALSO felt angry upset and frustrated. For difficult child, this was "fair".
So she wasn't getting angry and frustrated on purpose, but boy o boy she sure was acting out on purpose.
With couseling, we have learned that instead of "punishment" or "imposed consequences"...we need to ignore her. She can get angry and upset and frustrated and yell and scream and cry - but we are not going to let it ruin our day.
And if it happens at school - we point out in a sort of "not quite a conversation" way...."Gee whiz - I wonder if that person will still be your friend after being treated like that? I wonder what you'll have to do to make it up to them?" and then we leave difficult child to figure out on her own that maybe that wasn't a good idea. (Wheareas, if you do try and sit down and have a rational conversation, difficult child is likely to just yell at you that of course the person will be her friend and you don't know anything.)
Find a good counselor who can help your child figure out a better way of handling her anger and frustration.
(And JMO, drop the karate...)
Has she ever been tested for Aspergers? That's what it sounds like to me.
I was just poking around the internet doing my periodical research on my own conditions and stumbled on this thread.
I'm 25, Male severe ADHD, ODD, Mild Bipolar, and Aspergers Syndrome..... <- the latter becomes obvious from my formality, yet lack of sentence structure
Martial arts is good for discipline once you have learned self control, horseback riding is a better bet. Worked for me, but not all. Best way to tell is if your child seems to have a fondness for any kind of animal.
The flip side, is some people with any of my conditions can be somewhat abusive to animals because they see them as lesser creatures. Some what of an over rationalization of things.
Another point, sometimes our outbursts are actually bottled up opinions. For instance someone whom we normally get along with does a series of annoying or rude things to us or even someone else that we witness, at some point we lash out in frustration because we're going over days worth of stuff all at once. Which when asked "why are you upset?" it's usually MUCH more in depth then we let on. Yet other times we're just ****** off because we over planned something and it didn't go our way. My mother a major in early childhood dev, one thing she did with me was to give me a journal (when I was of age to clearly write in a notebook, sadly my handwriting has yet to improve since then haha), but when I was younger she would just have me tell her all about my day in school while she took notes.
To focus on Aspergers specifically, best way to understand how we see things is to go on Netflix and look up the BBC's "Sherlock" the visuals and dialog are pretty much spot on in how we view the world, although much more extreme.
Lastly, Buy LEGO's and K'NEX whenever it's on sale. It's quite possibly the best creative outlet, not sure if girls are inclined to use them, but most females with similar conditions I've met are enjoy them.
