Received Emancipation Request From Ex for Son

[Dollhouse]

I just rec'vd a letter from my ex's lawyer for a hearing to emancipate my son. The court date is May 1st. I knew this would probably come -- however.....

My son went to college last August. All the college expenses (clothes, food, bedding along with a $15K college bill) were all paid BY ME. My son was still 17 at that time!

Does anyone know if my ex is still responsible for those expenses? He paid nothing towards any of it.

He lives in another state down south, has no contact with my son nor myself and only pays child support. I, being the fool that I am and too nice, NEVER took him to court to recoup the college expenses. I had consulted a lawyer when my son enrolled in college and the lawyer felt that yes, it was my ex's responsibility.

I just wonder if it is worth countering this -- meaning, ask for the college expense cost in lieu of emancipating my son. Also, my son "left" college due to emotional problems. He may very well, at some point enroll in County College or some other college down the road when he is well. Or should I say "if" he becomes well.

We are going to the counseling appointment this friday -- the following friday we will have my son's diagnosis (part of which, I am sure is due to being abandoned by his dad). Is this something I can use to support my case?

Thanks all! Hope everyone is well!

 

[CrazyinVA]

What's the purpose of the emancipation request? To avoid child support/

As for your other questions, I simply don't know... I would definitely consult a lawyer before doing anything, though.

 

[KTMom91]

I'd consult a lawyer as well. Sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[Dollhouse]

The emancipation request is for my ex to stop paying child support. In my state, support just does not stop if the child is 18. He has to go to court to ask for it. However, if a child is not financially or emotionally independant, there could still be the case where a parent has to pay support.

Seems I never get a break -- seriously! That's why I asked last week "Why are things hard for some of us"?

How much can one person take? I know I can hardly take anymore. This life is NOT worth it to me. The pain is way too great. And to see others that post on this forum deal with such horrible circumstances is just mind-numbing.

Sorry -- that's my rant for the day. I have a NAMI meeting this evening and I don't even want to go to that as our rep is just not sensible, in my opinion.

*sigh*

 

[susiestar]

If this is about getting your ex out of paying child support I would FIGHT it. I would also hit him up for the college expenses if your state allows that. He should be liable for any rehab or whatever your son needs also.

Your ex was there and fully involved in creating your son. He doesn't get out of his responsibilities just because he decided he wanted to do something different. THAT isn't fair to you or esp to difficult child.

Now if your difficult child were petitioning for emancipation to be separated legally from you and ex, that would be different. But this just sounds like ex wants to have some $$ to spend on other things. TOTALLY cr@ppy move of his. the man has NO class, no decency and no right to just weasel out of his responsibilities.

Now there may be more to the story. I just know what you have told us. But based on this I would get an attorney and ask that EX be forced to pay his fees. Esp as you have not modified the child support in a long time. HE started this and HE should have to pay the attorney fees!

 

[Andy]

Fight the request. To be emancipated, the person should be mature enough to live outside the home, taking care of his or herself. Your son is not ready to be independent. He still has medical needs as well as physical needs such as home and clothing.

I would think that emancipation would be the legal way of dropping all financial responsibility from you also. Would insurance allow you to carry an emancipated teenager on YOUR insurance? He would be left standing holding the bag. I would think it would drop all your current rights to be involved also.

Your son still needs his dad's financial support especially if he is not getting his emotional support.

 

[Hound dog]

Fight the request. No reason ex shouldn't pay support until his child grads college.

I mean, please.........we're still paying out the wazoo for K and the woman is almost 30! (not child support....ex's welfare payout, don't ask it's a mess)

I never begrudged K her child support. This other.......well, I'll shut up now.

Hugs

 

[BusynMember]

How lowdown of your ex. You need to stand up to him and fight it. My ex paid until my kids were 21. And my daughter just went back to college last year (she is 24) and he's still helping her pay. How really creepy of him. Don't let this man walk all over you. Find representation and tell him "no way, Jose."

 

[standswithcourage]

I have no idea - but I will think and pray for you.

 

[Dollhouse]

I know you don't "know" me at all, but I'm being honest. This man NEVER contacts his son and while he has paid support faithfully (through court-ordered garnishment), he is now trying to stop support.

When my son applied to college, I sent him multiple requests to see if we could talk about splitting the costs. He NEVER reponded. So, to enroll my son in school, I took out a huge loan. I have all this documented. For the few times he did respond, he wrote illogical sentences about me that had nothing to do with the college situation. He's nuts (for lack of a better word).

This is a man who once jumped on my car when I tried to leave and stop him from taking my son for the weekend. Everytime he saw me, he would verbally and emotionally abused me. My counselor at the time said that if he did that in front of my young son, to put the boy back in the car and go home. As I tried to do that, he pulled and tugged on my son (who got scared). As I tried to drive away, he JUMPED on to my moving car and I actually drove a few feet with him on it. He said "I made him do it".

Long story short, he's crazy -- has tried to take me to court to NOT pay support (and he LOST). We went to mediation and he tried to say that I do not allow him to talk to my son. At the time, my son had a 16th birthday coming up, in which I sent invites postmarked to him and his family. Something told me that day to make copies for the mediation. When he stated his lie that he 1) Never knew my son was having a party & 2) He never rec'vd an invite, I pulled out the postmarked envelopes which my son had made out in his own handwriting. If he could have murdered me right there, he would have done it. The mediator initated a FORCED court-ordered visit to have my ex fly my son down to his home for Christmas break that year ('06) because my ex had not seen my son in a long time. In front of the mediator, he started to refuse and said that I should pay for the plane costs. The mediator said "First of all, you are taking HER to court, saying she doesn't let you see him. I'm giving you an opportunity to do that, so why are you complaing?? Also, you should pay for the plane fare for your son to visit". He was reeling....Even with that, he didn't want to be involved. That's the last my son saw of him. It's not 2009.

I should fight this -- my son is NOT emotionally or physically ready to take care of himself and he will hopefully be starting counseling. If I get his diagnosis next week, I will use that if I have to, to prove my son is not well. I also think he should pay for part of the college costs -- he would not respond to me and I can prove it. Thank God I'm good at keeping details/email records.

What a jerk....He's evil incarnate (I could write a book on everything he's done to me and my son) and this is just like him to severe all ties, albeit financially with this kid. He hasn't seen the kid since 2006!!!

 

[witzend]

Who is asking for the emancipation, your ex or your son? In my experiences, a judge won't emancipate your son unless he is entirely self-sufficient. I would file a counter-claim asking that your husband be ordered to pay child support, medical insurance, medical bills, living expenses, etc., and take him to the cleaners. What state are you in? You can get a lot of information about it just by googling "your state" + "emancipation of minors".

 

[ThreeShadows]

I'm so sorry, Dollhouse, this really stinks. I hope you will fight him and find the strength to win. Problems just seem to pile up don't they?

 

[Dollhouse]

To Witzend: My ex is filing for the emancipation, not my son. We've been apart for 18+ yrs, as he left us, when my son was only a year old. We never had a relationship after that and I was a single parent for over 10yrs after 1991...on my own. He did NOTHING. I had to take him to court to establish the child support.

I've also been carrying medical insurance for my son since he was born. My ex finally got insurance for my son in the last 6months of 2008!

He even wrote in the emancipation document that he doesn't even know if the 'child' lives with me. Um...where else would he be?? Jerk. If he talked to his son, he would know what was going on.

Oh..sorry for the rant, you asked what state I was in, I'm in NJ. I have to focus on the college expenses; he refused to pay and the college even sent my ex the bill and he did nothing. I have it all in writing.

 

[susiestar]

Sounds like you have MORE than enough grounds and proof to win the fight against emancipation. Also sounds like ex is delusional if he thinks he will win. So let him sue you. Fight it and then ask to have ex pay YOUR attorney fees - it is a reasonable request in most states for this kind of thing when 1 parent files a claim like this.

Good job keeping records. Document EVERYTHING. Send everything to him signature required and return receipt requested so you can PROVE you sent things to him.

Don't let his make you crazy!

 

[witzend]

Here's what I found relative to child support in New Jersey. (by the way, only a child who is totally self sufficient and living with neither parent will likely be emancipated.)

If you're paying child support in New Jersey, you might expect those payments to automatically terminate on your child's eighteenth birthday. Depending upon the circumstances, that expectation could be wrong.
Child support terminates when the Court finds that a child is emancipated. The Court's decision of whether or not to emancipate a child depends upon its analysis of the unique facts presented in each case. Since there is no specific age in New Jersey when a child will be deemed emancipated, there is no specific age that automatically terminates a parent's obligation to pay child support. Generally, the Court presumes that it is not appropriate to emancipate a child who is under the age of eighteen. However, it is sometimes possible to overcome that presumption. There is also a rebuttable presumption that a child who reaches the age of eighteen should be emancipated.
Once a parent who seeks to emancipate the child establishes that the child is in fact, eighteen years of age or older, the parent who opposes the emancipation has the burden to prove that it is still not appropriate to emancipate the child. If that parent fails to meet the burden, the child will be emancipated.


The Court will often emancipate a child if it finds that the child has moved beyond the sphere of influence and responsibility exercised by a parent, and if the child has obtained an independent status of his or her own. The analysis often focuses upon: the child's maturity level, the child's educational and career status, the child's educational and career goals, the child's reasonable needs to achieve those goals, the ability of the parents to continue to pay support, and any agreement previously reached between the parents about when to emancipate the child.



Due to the fact that the Court evaluates each emancipation application based upon the distinct facts of each case, it is always beneficial to retain the assistance of an attorney to help you through the process.

I'm not familiar with your situation, but if you get your doctor reports, parent report, school records, etc. in order, you should be able to get this quashed. You might want to have your son seen by his therapist if he hasn't lately so that the doctor can aver that he still needs the care and support of both of his parents.

 

[Dollhouse]

Dear Witzend,

Thank you so much!

My son is having severe emotional issues (anger, depression, etc) and has NOT been seen by a therapist yet at all. We had to call crisis just 2 short weeks ago.

He came home from College in October (he withdrew) and has been on a downward spiral since. We have an intake appointment tomorrow morning at a counseling center for co-occuring and substance abuse issues (my son has been self-medicating with-pot) and won't get a diagnosis until the following week. Hopefully, this is something I can use in the emancipation case. He's so emotionally immature, he is not independant at all.