Reflections 10 years later....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by LittleDudesMom, Aug 23, 2013.

  1. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Today is difficult child's 18th birthday. It's hard to believe that my baby is now legally an adult.

    That got me thinking about how dark things were when I reached out and found this site so many years ago. difficult child was raging almost daily at school. He was flipping desks and trashcans, running down the halls, and generally scaring all his classmates. He had no friends, his teacher resented him and he was diagnosis'd with depression (a spiral we believe was started with an inordinate increase of his stimulant and the side effects that accompanied that increase, i.e., lack of sleep, poor appetite,
    nervousness, aggitation, etc.). Having a daughter five years older without issues made me wonder what was so different about this child?

    After the open arms of a number of members who are no longer here (Kris, Fran, Sheila, and Martie come to mind immediately) and also many of you who still offer support today, we began to make progress.

    Now difficult child is entering his senior year of high school, has two best friends and a small circle of pals, has not had a discipline issue at school in a few years, has minimum supports through his ever-lessening IEP, has ranked up through the vigorous demands of his JROTC commanders, is a pleasure to spend time with, held down a full-time job this summer, makes decent grades in school, and basically shows very little signs of the dark, angry, suffering little boy he was that led me here 10 years ago.

    Oh, he still very much a difficult child. Socially he is a good 2 years behind his peers, suffers from anxiety that we work on almost daily, is not fond of social situations, still needs prompting to stay focused and on task, and has a shorter-than-average fuse.

    But all in all, ten years have brought him awareness of being and a level of maturity I just couldn't hope for in the throes of the dark times.

    Things can get better. When I look at the passing of these 10 years they feel like "the blink of an eye" on the surface. But when I think back on them in terms of raising difficult child, I realize that we struggled inch by agonizing inch but have begun to see the light.

    Happy 18th to my gig.

  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon, what a lovely post, thank you for sharing your experience, I'm sure there are many, many parents who will take heart and continue hoping...........and it's good to hear that your son is doing so well. You sound good, healthy and happy. 10 years is a long time and you've done a great job, perhaps on his birthday you can also celebrate your success as a parent, a kind of double ceremony.............successes for everyone........I'm happy for you!


    And,............:bdayparty: to your difficult child..........
  3. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Sharon thank you for sharing good news, though gotta admit I'm a little jealous. Angel isn't beating everyone up anymore but she isn't functioning as well as she should/could. You did a wonderful job with your son, hopefully you have some sort of victory celebration for yourself in addition to his birthday celebration. Way to go super warrior mom.
    :no1mom: Think he will suspect anything if get your favorite band to play his party?


    PS update kids ages in your signature LOL
  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I love your post. It shows what an involved mom you've been in your difficult child's life.
    He is a lucky 18 yr old for sure!

    Happy Birthday to you both,
  5. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    I too love your post! Thanks for sharing! Happy Birthday to your difficult child. Hugs Rabbit
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon, we joined right about the same time! Maybe those same wise warrior moms that helped you are the reason my difficult child is also much further than I ever imagined! We are 2 lucky girls!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow I cant believe he is 18! Give him a birthday HI from me.

    LDM's son is a joy to meet. I have met him, what, it must have been two years ago now. I have a fond memory of him coming out of his electronics room to greet me and husband then shyly went back in to play. I dont blame him...we are old and boring!

    Let me also tell you that LDM is a wonderful mom who worked hard for her son. I am extremely lucky that I have met her and plan on visiting up there again soon. We can talk together for hours and it seems like a minute. She really gets me and that is something I dont have in my local home situation. I wish I still lived up there.

    And boy her house...grumble grumble...mutters jealously....LOL

    Congrats to both of you!
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon-Happy Birthday to your difficult child! You are indeed an amazing mom and your story is inspirational! I love that your difficult child is doing so well!
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks ladies (grinning shyly herself to Janet) -- but I think I will save the dancing celebration for high school graduation :fingerscrossed:
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh thats a biggie too but that 18th birthday is huge. I actually bought a cheap bottle of pink champagne and we all had a glass of it when difficult child turned

    I have no idea what I would have done had he graduated HS! I know how thrilled we were when Huckleberry graduated boot camp. LOL