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Remind me not to get up at 3 am and expect anyone to act civily- vent
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 396504" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Sounds like Tony is on overload. There's no doubt that he loves you but probably you are the only one he feels "safe" expresing his negative feelings to since work is a problem and the grown kids don't give a RA about anyone but themselves.</p><p> </p><p>I understand that it is easier to do all you can do rather than live like a hoarder <strong>but </strong>I suggest that you pass the ball back to the kids. Any dirty clothes should be put back in their rooms. You should only worry about you, Tony and K. Eventually the</p><p>adult kids will all be living like Billy in their rooms and hopefully the light bulb moment will come. I'd ask them "where do you want your clothes in <strong>your</strong> room as I no longer will have them strewn around the house". Then stick to it. If they go off in dirty clothes or clothes that don't fit....their problem. </p><p> </p><p>Concentrate on you and Tony. You both deserve to be treated with respect for getting up each day and doing all you can do to keep the family going. He probably feels underappreciated as he is treated the same as they are. Lord knows you are underappreciated too. Neither one of you are thirty now and it's time for your offspring to start showing respect to both of you. Don't pick up laundry and don't pick up their dishes. They are roommates of yours and need to be treated like that instead of guests!</p><p> </p><p>Sounds a bit ranty on my part, doesn't it? <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/nonono.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":nonono:" title="nonono :nonono:" data-shortname=":nonono:" /> Well, lol, I've used those methods with some success. As a matter of fact I realized that even Christmas has always fallen on me......and the kids were guest recipients. This year I am not out shopping for presents. This year I didn't break out all the "family" ornaments or even the stockings. This year they are welcome to join us...or not. I've been asked "what are we doing Christmas?" and I've replied "not much as I am tired of doing all the work without any help". </p><p> </p><p>Nobody can take advantage of you unless you give them permission. You and Tony are <strong>the most important people</strong> in your household and they need to know it, Janet. Otherwise you will continue using all your energy trying to keep everyone happy and clean etc. etc. and out of necessity you'll be unable to focus on you and your husband. Hugs. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 396504, member: 35"] Sounds like Tony is on overload. There's no doubt that he loves you but probably you are the only one he feels "safe" expresing his negative feelings to since work is a problem and the grown kids don't give a RA about anyone but themselves. I understand that it is easier to do all you can do rather than live like a hoarder [B]but [/B]I suggest that you pass the ball back to the kids. Any dirty clothes should be put back in their rooms. You should only worry about you, Tony and K. Eventually the adult kids will all be living like Billy in their rooms and hopefully the light bulb moment will come. I'd ask them "where do you want your clothes in [B]your[/B] room as I no longer will have them strewn around the house". Then stick to it. If they go off in dirty clothes or clothes that don't fit....their problem. Concentrate on you and Tony. You both deserve to be treated with respect for getting up each day and doing all you can do to keep the family going. He probably feels underappreciated as he is treated the same as they are. Lord knows you are underappreciated too. Neither one of you are thirty now and it's time for your offspring to start showing respect to both of you. Don't pick up laundry and don't pick up their dishes. They are roommates of yours and need to be treated like that instead of guests! Sounds a bit ranty on my part, doesn't it? :nonono: Well, lol, I've used those methods with some success. As a matter of fact I realized that even Christmas has always fallen on me......and the kids were guest recipients. This year I am not out shopping for presents. This year I didn't break out all the "family" ornaments or even the stockings. This year they are welcome to join us...or not. I've been asked "what are we doing Christmas?" and I've replied "not much as I am tired of doing all the work without any help". Nobody can take advantage of you unless you give them permission. You and Tony are [B]the most important people[/B] in your household and they need to know it, Janet. Otherwise you will continue using all your energy trying to keep everyone happy and clean etc. etc. and out of necessity you'll be unable to focus on you and your husband. Hugs. DDD [/QUOTE]
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Remind me not to get up at 3 am and expect anyone to act civily- vent
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