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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 269345" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi Alice, </p><p>nice to see you.</p><p>I hate to advocate medicating, but since she's so stressed out about cleaning herself, she may need something to take the edge off.</p><p>I'm sure you're already grabbing any clothes she leaves around and washing them, pronto!</p><p>We often have our difficult child do his own laundry.</p><p> </p><p>This caught my attention:<em> Any attempts so far have led to complete meltdowns and are making me reticent to follow through.</em> </p><p>Have you read THE MANIPULATIVE CHILD ? It basically points out that kids will do what they CAN do to make their own lives easier. They're not manipulating you to be manipulative in the adult sense, they're just doing what comes naturally. And in your case, it sounds like screaming, kicking and crying.</p><p> </p><p>You may have to put up with-that for a while until she learns you mean business. I've taken almost 2 hrs at times to get my son to shower. NOT fun! But he learned I would not back down. (I also called the principal and had her talk to him. He was SO embarrassed--which was my plan.)</p><p> </p><p>Bathing cannot be optional. It's only going to get worse, when she becomes a teen and is ostracized, or when she gets a job and gets fired.</p><p> </p><p>(If you haven't read anything by Temple Grandin, you would love it. She went through a lot of that in her early yrs.)</p><p> </p><p>We fought the "clean" battle, too, and still do. We had to bribe and punish (oh, wait, I think that's called carrot and stick, LOL!). Our difficult child developed very early, too. Ewwww! Quite the odor.</p><p>And he hates socks, which wears out his shoes faster.</p><p>He used to hate underwear but we really got on his case for that. The books say to stay calm and consistent, but that's one place where we'd hold up the (ew!) soiled pants and shout, "GROSS!!!!!"</p><p>We finally got to the bottom (excuse the expression) of the fecal material in the pants, on the wall and on the toilet seat. He said he hated the feel of the toilet paper. (Why he couldn't verbalize that for umpteen kazillion yrs, I don't know.) </p><p>We tried Wet Wipes and that helped a bit, and then we told him to take a shower every single time he used the toilet. He got sick of that in a hurry! We also told him it's more uncomfortable to get an infection in your rear than the feel the tissue down there, and somehow, that sank in.</p><p> </p><p>I would have your difficult child on a special diet to help with-the wetting accidents. She's most likely got some allergies. (I would bet on it.) Milk and gluten are the most common with-these kinds of kids.</p><p>It's got to be very strict, so you have to monitor her friends' houses, especially sleepovers. (I am the mom from h*ll.)</p><p>It worked wonders with-our difficult child, both in terms of wetting and soiling.</p><p>Best of luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 269345, member: 3419"] Hi Alice, nice to see you. I hate to advocate medicating, but since she's so stressed out about cleaning herself, she may need something to take the edge off. I'm sure you're already grabbing any clothes she leaves around and washing them, pronto! We often have our difficult child do his own laundry. This caught my attention:[I] Any attempts so far have led to complete meltdowns and are making me reticent to follow through.[/I] Have you read THE MANIPULATIVE CHILD ? It basically points out that kids will do what they CAN do to make their own lives easier. They're not manipulating you to be manipulative in the adult sense, they're just doing what comes naturally. And in your case, it sounds like screaming, kicking and crying. You may have to put up with-that for a while until she learns you mean business. I've taken almost 2 hrs at times to get my son to shower. NOT fun! But he learned I would not back down. (I also called the principal and had her talk to him. He was SO embarrassed--which was my plan.) Bathing cannot be optional. It's only going to get worse, when she becomes a teen and is ostracized, or when she gets a job and gets fired. (If you haven't read anything by Temple Grandin, you would love it. She went through a lot of that in her early yrs.) We fought the "clean" battle, too, and still do. We had to bribe and punish (oh, wait, I think that's called carrot and stick, LOL!). Our difficult child developed very early, too. Ewwww! Quite the odor. And he hates socks, which wears out his shoes faster. He used to hate underwear but we really got on his case for that. The books say to stay calm and consistent, but that's one place where we'd hold up the (ew!) soiled pants and shout, "GROSS!!!!!" We finally got to the bottom (excuse the expression) of the fecal material in the pants, on the wall and on the toilet seat. He said he hated the feel of the toilet paper. (Why he couldn't verbalize that for umpteen kazillion yrs, I don't know.) We tried Wet Wipes and that helped a bit, and then we told him to take a shower every single time he used the toilet. He got sick of that in a hurry! We also told him it's more uncomfortable to get an infection in your rear than the feel the tissue down there, and somehow, that sank in. I would have your difficult child on a special diet to help with-the wetting accidents. She's most likely got some allergies. (I would bet on it.) Milk and gluten are the most common with-these kinds of kids. It's got to be very strict, so you have to monitor her friends' houses, especially sleepovers. (I am the mom from h*ll.) It worked wonders with-our difficult child, both in terms of wetting and soiling. Best of luck! [/QUOTE]
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