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Reward system, should I even bother?
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 568329" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Sorry to hear you feel you are only an honorary guest now <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> But it's good, really great, that you have no behaviour issues with V now. I am not jealous, honestly!!</p><p>It seems to me, from my very inexpert level of understanding, that you are going to have a very hard time with the rigid thinking. My sense of it is that what underlies it is anxiety and that what V needs to dispel the anxiety is for things to be very certain, all explained (with visuals or whatever) and, really, very rigid. How do you make him less anxious? Any move to break him of his need for detail and security will automatically make him more anxious. </p><p>Actually, I've been thinking about what underlies J's explosiveness and I think it is a kind of rigidity. I keep saying that J is not Asperger's or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and I (and everyone else around) really don't think he is - he doesn't at all have concrete, literal thinking, for example, but is flexible and imaginative on that level - but he has these explosions when he is rigidly attached to what he wants to do or thinks should happen, etc. The way to get him out of the explosion (which he will usually do quite quickly now if the right approach is used) is to move him on, make him forget, tempt him with some other, more attractive prospect - for example, this morning he didn't want to go to school (unusual) because we got up late and he didn't have enough time to play with his figurines... started clutching the sofa and kicking, saying he wasn't going to school this morning, he was going to stay at home and play. I said "Oh do you want to wear your tennis shoes today?" and going on about that and he agreed to drop the explosion - he loves wearing tennis shoes rather than "real" shoes.</p><p>IS there any mileage in this for V? If he is really anxious/rigid about something, is there a way, slowly and perhaps painfully, to get him to drop it by promise of something else nice? So that it could increasingly become a habit?</p><p>You've done SO much with him, come so far with him, got a really early diagnosis through your persistence and implemented all these strategies that work. The therapist really doesn't know or understand V like you do and of course you must trust yourself. Is the therapist open to listening, at least? Or does he feel like he has to be the expert, the one who knows? It's great that your husband wants to talk to him...</p><p>Anyway, bon courage. Really it's fantastic how far you've come. I don't even have a real diagnosis yet!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 568329, member: 11227"] Sorry to hear you feel you are only an honorary guest now :) But it's good, really great, that you have no behaviour issues with V now. I am not jealous, honestly!! It seems to me, from my very inexpert level of understanding, that you are going to have a very hard time with the rigid thinking. My sense of it is that what underlies it is anxiety and that what V needs to dispel the anxiety is for things to be very certain, all explained (with visuals or whatever) and, really, very rigid. How do you make him less anxious? Any move to break him of his need for detail and security will automatically make him more anxious. Actually, I've been thinking about what underlies J's explosiveness and I think it is a kind of rigidity. I keep saying that J is not Asperger's or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and I (and everyone else around) really don't think he is - he doesn't at all have concrete, literal thinking, for example, but is flexible and imaginative on that level - but he has these explosions when he is rigidly attached to what he wants to do or thinks should happen, etc. The way to get him out of the explosion (which he will usually do quite quickly now if the right approach is used) is to move him on, make him forget, tempt him with some other, more attractive prospect - for example, this morning he didn't want to go to school (unusual) because we got up late and he didn't have enough time to play with his figurines... started clutching the sofa and kicking, saying he wasn't going to school this morning, he was going to stay at home and play. I said "Oh do you want to wear your tennis shoes today?" and going on about that and he agreed to drop the explosion - he loves wearing tennis shoes rather than "real" shoes. IS there any mileage in this for V? If he is really anxious/rigid about something, is there a way, slowly and perhaps painfully, to get him to drop it by promise of something else nice? So that it could increasingly become a habit? You've done SO much with him, come so far with him, got a really early diagnosis through your persistence and implemented all these strategies that work. The therapist really doesn't know or understand V like you do and of course you must trust yourself. Is the therapist open to listening, at least? Or does he feel like he has to be the expert, the one who knows? It's great that your husband wants to talk to him... Anyway, bon courage. Really it's fantastic how far you've come. I don't even have a real diagnosis yet!! [/QUOTE]
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