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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 763984" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Crayola,</p><p></p><p>It is extremely concerning. I don’t know if Rain has followed up or not. A few years ago, she was hospitalized for a bad infection in her leg. I didn’t find out until she called me after being in for a week with iv antibiotics. I visited her and encouraged her to get help, get off the streets. I know the hospital social worker was trying to help her. When I was driving to visit her the next day, I got a call from her nurse asking me if I was picking her up. (That was the story she told them). I replied “No, I am just coming to visit.” She told me my daughter left against medical advice. Somehow, Rain survived that episode, showed up at my home a month later, leg still swollen, but refused medical attention. It is exasperating, especially since hubs passed after bouts with sepsis. I am writing this with an overwhelming sense of sadness, but I also have to set boundaries with my emotional response for my sanity and health. Deep breaths and prayers. I have absolutely no control over my 44 year old daughters choices. All I can do is love her and pray that one day she finds her light again. It is a delicate balance we walk, this journey of dealing with our beloved wayward adult children’s decisions. She has been on the streets for near 10 years now. I don’t know how she manages the hardships she has endured, in order to survive out there. I can’t imagine it for myself, no less any of my children. Tornado asked me why I don’t seek her sister out. I don’t feel it is safe for me to go to the parks she frequents looking for her, amongst the tents and street folk. Her well sister and husband would go to her a few years ago, bring her canned goods, food, blankets. They tried to connect with her and encourage her to get help. She didn’t want to change her way of living.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>I have given her to God and ask in prayer that he reach her heart. That is all I can do. Hubs and I spent many many years trying to help our two. I did not realize the toll that took on my two youngest, as well as our marriage. We were all drowning in the muck of their choices and quickly degrading lifestyles. I’m sorry, Crayola, I am venting. Perhaps again, I am writing to myself, to that inner voice that pokes me to “do something”. To that feeling of guilt that “Maybe I could go and try to find her, try to get her to get treatment.” But……..</p><p>I do have responsibility to keep myself sane, safe and healthy to care for myself and my granddaughter. That is where I stand.</p><p>It is not an easy stance.</p><p>Truth be told-parts of me are dying with the emotional toll of this. I read something the other day that basically said “You cannot carry the old you that dealt with trauma. You must deal with it, process it, but also remake yourself into a new you to move forward.”</p><p>That is a daily struggle. With each new challenge that loving my two wayward daughters brings, I cannot repeat past mistakes. I cannot follow their path into the storm. I can only pray and hope that God will be their lighthouse and guide them to safe shores, and that they will open their hearts and minds and remember their true selves.</p><p>Sorry, I just “vomited” all over the place. Sigh.</p><p></p><p> I have much to do, to calm myself and somehow find peace.</p><p></p><p>Much love to all you fellow warriors who walk this path. May God strengthen us and guide us.</p><p></p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 763984, member: 19522"] Hi Crayola, It is extremely concerning. I don’t know if Rain has followed up or not. A few years ago, she was hospitalized for a bad infection in her leg. I didn’t find out until she called me after being in for a week with iv antibiotics. I visited her and encouraged her to get help, get off the streets. I know the hospital social worker was trying to help her. When I was driving to visit her the next day, I got a call from her nurse asking me if I was picking her up. (That was the story she told them). I replied “No, I am just coming to visit.” She told me my daughter left against medical advice. Somehow, Rain survived that episode, showed up at my home a month later, leg still swollen, but refused medical attention. It is exasperating, especially since hubs passed after bouts with sepsis. I am writing this with an overwhelming sense of sadness, but I also have to set boundaries with my emotional response for my sanity and health. Deep breaths and prayers. I have absolutely no control over my 44 year old daughters choices. All I can do is love her and pray that one day she finds her light again. It is a delicate balance we walk, this journey of dealing with our beloved wayward adult children’s decisions. She has been on the streets for near 10 years now. I don’t know how she manages the hardships she has endured, in order to survive out there. I can’t imagine it for myself, no less any of my children. Tornado asked me why I don’t seek her sister out. I don’t feel it is safe for me to go to the parks she frequents looking for her, amongst the tents and street folk. Her well sister and husband would go to her a few years ago, bring her canned goods, food, blankets. They tried to connect with her and encourage her to get help. She didn’t want to change her way of living. Sigh. I have given her to God and ask in prayer that he reach her heart. That is all I can do. Hubs and I spent many many years trying to help our two. I did not realize the toll that took on my two youngest, as well as our marriage. We were all drowning in the muck of their choices and quickly degrading lifestyles. I’m sorry, Crayola, I am venting. Perhaps again, I am writing to myself, to that inner voice that pokes me to “do something”. To that feeling of guilt that “Maybe I could go and try to find her, try to get her to get treatment.” But…….. I do have responsibility to keep myself sane, safe and healthy to care for myself and my granddaughter. That is where I stand. It is not an easy stance. Truth be told-parts of me are dying with the emotional toll of this. I read something the other day that basically said “You cannot carry the old you that dealt with trauma. You must deal with it, process it, but also remake yourself into a new you to move forward.” That is a daily struggle. With each new challenge that loving my two wayward daughters brings, I cannot repeat past mistakes. I cannot follow their path into the storm. I can only pray and hope that God will be their lighthouse and guide them to safe shores, and that they will open their hearts and minds and remember their true selves. Sorry, I just “vomited” all over the place. Sigh. I have much to do, to calm myself and somehow find peace. Much love to all you fellow warriors who walk this path. May God strengthen us and guide us. (((Hugs))) Leaf [/QUOTE]
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