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Rude, disrespectful, WHY WHY WHY did I agree to this?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 678199" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Penny</p><p></p><p>There are several threads going on right now. THIS MINUTE. The same as yours. Where we are going nuts. Self-destructing. Attacking ourselves. Because why?</p><p></p><p>Because we opened the door to our kids or want to. Or we feel like absolutely horrible mothers and people because we had the strength to refuse. Because eash of us knew it was the wrong thing to do for us and for them.</p><p></p><p>They tell us. They may think it. They may really feel like OH LIFE WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL and wonderful for me. If she would only give me a chance. Fill in the blank here: ___ ___</p><p>___ or ___ and___, too. With the applicable items: car, rent money, bail, or moving home. Or care for my baby. Or drive me to work. Pay an attorney.</p><p></p><p>And because she won't my life is sh-t. Because of her. Because she kicked me out (2 years ago, 4 years ago, 15 years ago. Take your choice.) That is the root of all evil.</p><p></p><p>What we did or did not do for them. We caused it.</p><p></p><p>Or if we blow up. (Can't take anymore.) We are abusive. Mean. Impossible. Hysterical. Completely unhinged.</p><p></p><p>Any boundary we set is the cause of their distress. Or if we blow up or suffer or withdraw because we do not set boundaries, it is our problem too.</p><p></p><p>The thing is this. This is the real truth. The boundaries help your son. He did better when you set a limit and held to it. He can conduct himself in a reasonably mature way. He will have to step up if you do not do it for him. He knows that. When we do step in and help them they secretly hate us for that, because they sense that it is taking away their need to be mature and to grow.</p><p></p><p>They want us to set limits. They need us to set limits. We need to set limits. We must. This grand baby you are protecting is his child. That is the reality. Sooner or later he will have to carry the responsibility. You know this.</p><p></p><p>You are doing fantastic. A month more. You can do it. You will do it. You set a time limit. Good for you. As Cedar says: You are doing what you must so that you can look at yourself in the mirror.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. It really helps. Every day. Every time you have a spare minute. We are here for you. We understand. We are in the same space. In any given minute, we can backslide. They show up at our door. They call. And it starts over.</p><p></p><p>They are not bad kids. They are slow learners, perhaps. Somewhere inside they know how to do this. They try to blame us and hold us responsible because it works. For a few minutes, a day or two. We just have to work very hard to not let them work us. Because it backfires on them. And we betray ourselves too.</p><p></p><p>Check out some of the other threads and you will find yourself there.</p><p></p><p>You are doing great.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 678199, member: 18958"] Hi Penny There are several threads going on right now. THIS MINUTE. The same as yours. Where we are going nuts. Self-destructing. Attacking ourselves. Because why? Because we opened the door to our kids or want to. Or we feel like absolutely horrible mothers and people because we had the strength to refuse. Because eash of us knew it was the wrong thing to do for us and for them. They tell us. They may think it. They may really feel like OH LIFE WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL and wonderful for me. If she would only give me a chance. Fill in the blank here: ___ ___ ___ or ___ and___, too. With the applicable items: car, rent money, bail, or moving home. Or care for my baby. Or drive me to work. Pay an attorney. And because she won't my life is sh-t. Because of her. Because she kicked me out (2 years ago, 4 years ago, 15 years ago. Take your choice.) That is the root of all evil. What we did or did not do for them. We caused it. Or if we blow up. (Can't take anymore.) We are abusive. Mean. Impossible. Hysterical. Completely unhinged. Any boundary we set is the cause of their distress. Or if we blow up or suffer or withdraw because we do not set boundaries, it is our problem too. The thing is this. This is the real truth. The boundaries help your son. He did better when you set a limit and held to it. He can conduct himself in a reasonably mature way. He will have to step up if you do not do it for him. He knows that. When we do step in and help them they secretly hate us for that, because they sense that it is taking away their need to be mature and to grow. They want us to set limits. They need us to set limits. We need to set limits. We must. This grand baby you are protecting is his child. That is the reality. Sooner or later he will have to carry the responsibility. You know this. You are doing fantastic. A month more. You can do it. You will do it. You set a time limit. Good for you. As Cedar says: You are doing what you must so that you can look at yourself in the mirror. Keep posting. It really helps. Every day. Every time you have a spare minute. We are here for you. We understand. We are in the same space. In any given minute, we can backslide. They show up at our door. They call. And it starts over. They are not bad kids. They are slow learners, perhaps. Somewhere inside they know how to do this. They try to blame us and hold us responsible because it works. For a few minutes, a day or two. We just have to work very hard to not let them work us. Because it backfires on them. And we betray ourselves too. Check out some of the other threads and you will find yourself there. You are doing great. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Rude, disrespectful, WHY WHY WHY did I agree to this?
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