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Rude, disrespectful, WHY WHY WHY did I agree to this?
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 678474" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>I'm so sorry, Penny.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>A hole in the wall. A small thing. It happens. Like the rum my son helped himself to, when he was living with us. It was only a $20 bottle of rum. It's been sitting there for years. We don't even drink rum.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And we have been here so many times before. So it's not a small thing. It's a large thing, and we know it because we've seen it so many times before.</p><p></p><p>For my son, it was the fact that he would search obscure corners of my house for the rum I don't care about, and mock me because I didn't hide it well enough. For your son, it was that he would slam a door open, knowing that he was under your roof because you had extended some grace despite his track record.</p><p></p><p>Many of those other times we told ourselves it was *just* a door opened too far, *just* a $20 bottle of rum...but it isn't. It's a symptom of a big thing. In our house. From our adult children. To whom we have extended hospitality, even though they did not have it coming.</p><p></p><p>And we don't have to try to parse it or justify it or cogitate it anymore. It is a symptom of a VERY BIG DEAL...because we've seen it so many times before.</p><p></p><p>I don't see how it could have come out any other way, Penny. This time it was so ironclad and foolproof...and yet it still ended badly.</p><p></p><p>I think no matter how the offer is extended, there is an expectation there...in my case that he would not steal from us, in Copa's case that he would help out, in your case that he would be civil...these are not unreasonable expectations. In any other setting, we wouldn't even have to discuss them.</p><p></p><p>But it seems with our offspring, as soon as we lay out an expectation, regardless of how reasonable it is, it cues them to try to buck it.</p><p></p><p>So unless and until we can extend a truly unconditional offer, I am thinking maybe it is not in anyone's best interest to make the offer at all. It will only end in conflict, as it has so many other times before.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 678474, member: 17720"] I'm so sorry, Penny. A hole in the wall. A small thing. It happens. Like the rum my son helped himself to, when he was living with us. It was only a $20 bottle of rum. It's been sitting there for years. We don't even drink rum. And we have been here so many times before. So it's not a small thing. It's a large thing, and we know it because we've seen it so many times before. For my son, it was the fact that he would search obscure corners of my house for the rum I don't care about, and mock me because I didn't hide it well enough. For your son, it was that he would slam a door open, knowing that he was under your roof because you had extended some grace despite his track record. Many of those other times we told ourselves it was *just* a door opened too far, *just* a $20 bottle of rum...but it isn't. It's a symptom of a big thing. In our house. From our adult children. To whom we have extended hospitality, even though they did not have it coming. And we don't have to try to parse it or justify it or cogitate it anymore. It is a symptom of a VERY BIG DEAL...because we've seen it so many times before. I don't see how it could have come out any other way, Penny. This time it was so ironclad and foolproof...and yet it still ended badly. I think no matter how the offer is extended, there is an expectation there...in my case that he would not steal from us, in Copa's case that he would help out, in your case that he would be civil...these are not unreasonable expectations. In any other setting, we wouldn't even have to discuss them. But it seems with our offspring, as soon as we lay out an expectation, regardless of how reasonable it is, it cues them to try to buck it. So unless and until we can extend a truly unconditional offer, I am thinking maybe it is not in anyone's best interest to make the offer at all. It will only end in conflict, as it has so many other times before. [/QUOTE]
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Rude, disrespectful, WHY WHY WHY did I agree to this?
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