Same always the same :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Aug 25, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    As usual.. same ol tantrums. Banging the hel& outa the doors as we speak!!!!!!!!!

    1) Been looking neurospych accepts medicaid so far none and all need a referral. At this point "cant switch around doctors just to hear what I want to hear" according to some. I WANT A HEALTHY NORMAL HAPPY CHILD, ID rather him/them spoiled brats than this !

    2) My dads health is severely worse and take take this daily issues from my son( I cant either- chest pain and added migranes- 0000 and dont forget white hair)

    3) My son cant OR wont finish his classwork AND H.W!!! Can take hours or a couple days and lots of being on him to finish 12 words writing 3 times each, 12 sentence and alphabetical order! Says hes being bothered all day but hes not....

    4) Still hard to wake up and get going anywhere!!!! I don't know if he has sleep issues, but he tosses and turns like a clock and claims hes still tired. No snoring am pressing Dr on this tomorrow-again. Am keeping his room and sheets clean as possible. Air humid thing he keeps playing with- I will keep trying!Am getting a room purifier soon.

    5) Obbeses with "did anything land crawl poop pee fly in it? ( his drinks or food- we had some flies in the house when we were bbq one day) and now added under outside or over it but saying the WHOLE thing! All day everyday constant

    6) Every night says someone or bears or dogs or cats or noises or whatever trying to break in or usually outside his window sill. Usually when he wants me to sleep w him he says that.

    7) Blames everyone else and rarely I mean miracle does he admit something his fault only if we press him.

    8) Loves to keep interrupting and demanding with no breaks

    9) When hes actually happy, can still turn angry in a flip of a switch, no reason

    10) Going back on ADHD diet longer he snuck some junk food I hid.. watching the milk now too. No hes not diagnosed, but we will all benefit with this diet! No more keeping anything in the house he/we cant have!

    11) Hes not in sports, my grandfather said that we rewarded him by not doing his h.w the last years. But if we dont keep him active OMG its worse!!!!! Either way he cant/wont do his work.

    12) Hes in here now refuses to go to bed wants to watch t.v and its 2 hours pasthis bed time I told him no and he blew. "I said if u watch tv your grounded two weeks!" He threw a fit. I said go in ur room, read a page in your book and your not grounded". He answers" Am I grounded, yes or no, answer my question" Then I reply, if you watch TV yes, he blows and says" answer my question yes or no. Now questions of someone coming to his window, did someone knock etc?

    I tell him nicely , mommy is getting mad please leave " And he keeps on and on and on. I keep trying to figure out if he really understands what being upset is, being happy etc. I know I showed my kids that, taught them that, but I guess Im wrong. Do they not care? again cleaning themselves real good haha. My son still cares more than my daughter.

    Oh last thing.. at the pool my daughter got her feet dirty a lil when putting on her flip flop had to clean both, but the baths haha. Doesnt make sense to me. Sorry for venting. Again :(
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Has he been screened for autism?
  3. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    Boy, oh boy, oh boy does he sound like my difficult child 1. His thinking gets "stuck" and he CAN'T (not won't) stop. You really, really need to stop listening to those people that refuse to see that there's something wrong with him and blame him or you for the behavior. I dealt with that and I listened to them and was very harsh with my son for his behavior. Now, I have to live with the guilt of the emotional "damage" I did. You're son CAN'T help it. I don't care if you find a neuropsychologist or not but you DO need to find a psychiatrist or PhD level psychologist that will actually do thorough testing for the autism spectrum disorders. You don't need to worry about what fits and what doesn't but you DO need to read up on how to parent these kinds of kids. Even if he isn't on the spectrum, the methods used work for most kids anyway so it won't hurt.

    Keep some things in mind:

    1) He NEEDS to have the answers to his questions and he CAN'T move on until he totally understands the WHY of the answers. I still have to explain everything to difficult child 1 like WHY he can't watch tv after bedtime and WHY he has to do homework. If he doesn't agree with the why's, it takes longer for him to process it.

    2) Avoid vague language such as later, maybe, etc. Keep everything concrete and stick to it. If you say you're going to watch a movie at 4:00, make sure you DO start watching the movie at 4:00.

    3) His fears are REAL and they will change. The anxiety (fight or flight) he feels about them are real.

    4) His behavior is a response to extreme frustration and anxiety. He doesn't KNOW how to deal with the things going on in his head. He has to be actively and patiently taught how.

    5) You aren't doctor hopping to get what you WANT to hear, you're looking for a professional that can see the whole picture and the true picture. We went through several before we found one that didn't subscribe to the bad kid, bad parent scenario and did whatever it took to get to the bottom of it.

    You need to change how YOU look at things. You're still like most parents and want to correct the behavior through punishment and consequences and you're surrounded by people (including your father) that REFUSE to see that he isn't a bad kid and that you're not to blame for his behavior. You NEED to find support for your sake and your son's. You can actually make things worse if he is on the spectrum and you deal with him the way your friends and family seem to think you should.

    Please, please, please stop blaming him for his behavior. He would do better if he could but he hasn't been taught how. He isn't "normal" and he won't ever be close if he continues to be blamed and punished instead of taught.

    I'm sorry if this seems harsh or anything but I have been where you are and until I changed my thinking and also stopped talking to family and friends about my son, it kept getting worse. My son is now 15 and we are FINALLY getting close to "normal".
  4. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Bunny- No he hasnt been tested. since a year and half old they kepts saying / kep saying he's all boy and I just need to learn to be in control. One Dr at the pratice finally gave into my pleading and begging and sent us to a Dr of Pscytry or something.. ( never could remeber what exactly he is and I threw out the card when he was in kinder) He went three times, first two he said problem Anxiety and ODD. Second time suggested maybe a pill to get him to calm down so we can start behavior therapy. Third time my son played nice with him with the blocks and stuff and he said" your son is bright and you need to just let him grow" Let him grow? What?

    TeDo- Thank you for your advice, I thought he was different when he was a year and half when all this really started, my dad agrees with me theres something wrong w him, but the rest of my family and dr says its me. My best friend supports me and says just take him to the hospital ( her daughter is Bipolar with something else). My other close friend says hes an angel even tho she came to calm him down many times! I try to keep it short with what to do etc but I will do better. So I have it drilled in my head its me. Had a bath lastinght, started at 5:11 am and now its 7:13am and now 7:20 am. Takes 15 minutes est to get to school.. So anyway neighbors were all out staring at the house now listening to all the screaming and he left. Ok, I have that book everyone suggested. I will re-read it again. Im calling his Dr in 30 min when they open and make another appointment.

    Thats why I am here to report every bit of behavior to you all who have been thru this or other things and who can give me your alls opinion and advice. I know I can improve. You know, if you all dont mind Im going to print all my posts and responses and show them to his Dr. Oh, also, I had mentioned to his speech therapist last year when we talked..she def thinks hes ADD. So, Im going to give her a call as well- she said she would talk to the Dr as well. The dr didnt want to hear it before but with an army of these posts, the speech therapist ( oh hes done with speech but shes still willing to help) and hopefully his new teacher which I have a meeting w this week will talk to him. Gotta work?

    They mentioned sarcastically that they would come here, talk to neighbors and go to his class and observe him. Problem is when they go in his class, he holds back his ways as much as he can when theres someone new in the class. They would have to act like a helper and go daily for a couple weeks before he really relaxes and is himself. I dont understand that about him. I know here someone told me they can hold everything in at school ( or at least almost everything) and blow the second they come home to a safe place. I don't know. Thats another reason no one believes me. But he does act this way with all my family, sometimes at the doctors office, yes there! In public, in front of his neighbors -well some of them he knows well. In school he doesnt do his work and I will see what his new Teacher says.

    Thank u :)
  5. Confused

    Confused Guest

    As usual sorry for my spelling and if I make no sense.. I will explain better when Im more relaxed. Thank u all again. 29 more minutes until the office opens!!!!! Wish me luck :) Well, u always support us :)
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry about so much but I may be able to help about the neuropsychologist and medicaid.

    Do you have a larger Children's hospital near you? Even if you have to drive an hour it would be worth it. Most Children's hospitals have to accept medicaid so you should be able to find one there. Also you may not need the referral there however even if you do, be somewhat forceful with your doctor and tell them that you need it not that you want their opinion on having one. I call my doctor all the time and simply tell them I need a referral to X and they give it to me.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You are, of course, keeping a journal of all the things you're telling us, too, right? a journal, a log, a parent report, something? anything?

    It has more impact when its written out that way than you just rattling it off.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    Janet makes a good point. I had to drive 2 hours to one of the most reputable neuropsychs at a university hospital. I did not need a referral and didn't have to pay a penny. Medicaid either paid it all or they accepted whatever Medicaid paid. We go back this December for a follow-up (neuropsychologist's request 2 years ago). In our case, it was worth the long drive and the long day. We drive an hour to every psychiatrist apt because there isn't a "good" one any closer.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I didn't need a referral either on Medicaid. I just scheduled and went and it was paid.

    It'd look into autism. The diagnosis sounds very weak to me. Anxiety doesn't make you rage, (I have every form of it that exists) and ODD is unhelpful and has no real meaning. You need a good neuropsychologist so you know what to do and where to go next.

    Good luck :)
  10. Confused

    Confused Guest

    DammitJanet- I do have a Children's Hospital by me and yes I have been telling his Dr's that I need help to figure out for years. Only one sent me - sarcastically I might add ( multiple Dr's in the Clinic) and then that Pyscoligist or whatever said that. The doctors there think Im just overreacting or cant handle an" all boy".

    InsaneCdn- I usually do write it down every word but have not in a while. I just left it at it was me but I Will start again. I hope I can find my old papers! Good point :)

    TeDo-I see your point and I will start just walking in to the offices- forget calling.. and beg plead for an appointment. We need refferels for eye doctors, speech therapy ( hes done w that), and the so called whatever that Dr was. Hmm, maybe that walking in thing will help!

    MidwestMom-I never thought he had anxiety- maybe my daughter. But ODD I learned from you all was no meaning and I heard from you the forum possible Autism. I am still thinking he has a sleep issue cuz hes so tired even when healthy and "slept" for 10-12 hours! He tosses and turns so much. I still think ADD.. I don't know bout ADHD..or possible Bipolar cuz happy and than angry, also the rages. Well, hopefully we will find out. Aww, sorry about your anxiety :(.

    **** Ok, called the Dr and trying to make an appointment for flu shots for my kids, cuz of their past health they require the vaccine but only by shot.- of course they have none in. So I have to keep calling to check. Also I needed to make an appointment to get a refferel for their eye Dr in a few months. Ya, if its past their Birthday checkup they have to go in ..again.. just to sit their while they print it out!!! Girrr. So anyways, I want the appointment with the last Dr my sone saw cuz my son reminded me, when we were talking at his 7 year checkup he said to come back if he is failing his schoolwork again. So, Im hoping that is a sign!!! I will also talk to the Teacher again and have her write out the issues she has with him in the school. I have also been looking on line for behavior theerapists as well as any support groups/playdates for my city. Looked at tutors for his academics ( motivation/ handwriting etc) and even found some specializing in behavior issues for school- but sadly starts around $40-$60 an hour!!! Hes worth it but wow!!!!!
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    = some kind of sleep problem.
    It could be physical (sleep apnea), hormonal (thyroid problems, for example), or psychological or developmental or fatigue driven or... whatever.
    But he isn't getting quality sleep.

    And lack of quality sleep is a huge trigger for behavior problems.
  12. Confused

    Confused Guest

    InsaneCdn- Yes, and I have been looking it up so hopefully they will do a sleep study or something on him.