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Same always the same :(
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<blockquote data-quote="TeDo" data-source="post: 605503" data-attributes="member: 15799"><p>Boy, oh boy, oh boy does he sound like my difficult child 1. His thinking gets "stuck" and he CAN'T (not won't) stop. You really, really need to stop listening to those people that refuse to see that there's something wrong with him and blame him or you for the behavior. I dealt with that and I listened to them and was very harsh with my son for his behavior. Now, I have to live with the guilt of the emotional "damage" I did. You're son CAN'T help it. I don't care if you find a neuropsychologist or not but you DO need to find a psychiatrist or PhD level psychologist that will actually do thorough testing for the autism spectrum disorders. You don't need to worry about what fits and what doesn't but you DO need to read up on how to parent these kinds of kids. Even if he isn't on the spectrum, the methods used work for most kids anyway so it won't hurt.</p><p></p><p>Keep some things in mind:</p><p></p><p>1) He NEEDS to have the answers to his questions and he CAN'T move on until he totally understands the WHY of the answers. I still have to explain everything to difficult child 1 like WHY he can't watch tv after bedtime and WHY he has to do homework. If he doesn't agree with the why's, it takes longer for him to process it.</p><p></p><p>2) Avoid vague language such as later, maybe, etc. Keep everything concrete and stick to it. If you say you're going to watch a movie at 4:00, make sure you DO start watching the movie at 4:00.</p><p></p><p>3) His fears are REAL and they will change. The anxiety (fight or flight) he feels about them are real.</p><p></p><p>4) His behavior is a response to extreme frustration and anxiety. He doesn't KNOW how to deal with the things going on in his head. He has to be actively and patiently taught how.</p><p></p><p>5) You aren't doctor hopping to get what you WANT to hear, you're looking for a professional that can see the whole picture and the true picture. We went through several before we found one that didn't subscribe to the bad kid, bad parent scenario and did whatever it took to get to the bottom of it. </p><p></p><p>You need to change how YOU look at things. You're still like most parents and want to correct the behavior through punishment and consequences and you're surrounded by people (including your father) that REFUSE to see that he isn't a bad kid and that you're not to blame for his behavior. You NEED to find support for your sake and your son's. You can actually make things worse if he is on the spectrum and you deal with him the way your friends and family seem to think you should.</p><p></p><p>Please, please, please stop blaming him for his behavior. He would do better if he could but he hasn't been taught how. He isn't "normal" and he won't ever be close if he continues to be blamed and punished instead of taught.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry if this seems harsh or anything but I have been where you are and until I changed my thinking and also stopped talking to family and friends about my son, it kept getting worse. My son is now 15 and we are FINALLY getting close to "normal".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TeDo, post: 605503, member: 15799"] Boy, oh boy, oh boy does he sound like my difficult child 1. His thinking gets "stuck" and he CAN'T (not won't) stop. You really, really need to stop listening to those people that refuse to see that there's something wrong with him and blame him or you for the behavior. I dealt with that and I listened to them and was very harsh with my son for his behavior. Now, I have to live with the guilt of the emotional "damage" I did. You're son CAN'T help it. I don't care if you find a neuropsychologist or not but you DO need to find a psychiatrist or PhD level psychologist that will actually do thorough testing for the autism spectrum disorders. You don't need to worry about what fits and what doesn't but you DO need to read up on how to parent these kinds of kids. Even if he isn't on the spectrum, the methods used work for most kids anyway so it won't hurt. Keep some things in mind: 1) He NEEDS to have the answers to his questions and he CAN'T move on until he totally understands the WHY of the answers. I still have to explain everything to difficult child 1 like WHY he can't watch tv after bedtime and WHY he has to do homework. If he doesn't agree with the why's, it takes longer for him to process it. 2) Avoid vague language such as later, maybe, etc. Keep everything concrete and stick to it. If you say you're going to watch a movie at 4:00, make sure you DO start watching the movie at 4:00. 3) His fears are REAL and they will change. The anxiety (fight or flight) he feels about them are real. 4) His behavior is a response to extreme frustration and anxiety. He doesn't KNOW how to deal with the things going on in his head. He has to be actively and patiently taught how. 5) You aren't doctor hopping to get what you WANT to hear, you're looking for a professional that can see the whole picture and the true picture. We went through several before we found one that didn't subscribe to the bad kid, bad parent scenario and did whatever it took to get to the bottom of it. You need to change how YOU look at things. You're still like most parents and want to correct the behavior through punishment and consequences and you're surrounded by people (including your father) that REFUSE to see that he isn't a bad kid and that you're not to blame for his behavior. You NEED to find support for your sake and your son's. You can actually make things worse if he is on the spectrum and you deal with him the way your friends and family seem to think you should. Please, please, please stop blaming him for his behavior. He would do better if he could but he hasn't been taught how. He isn't "normal" and he won't ever be close if he continues to be blamed and punished instead of taught. I'm sorry if this seems harsh or anything but I have been where you are and until I changed my thinking and also stopped talking to family and friends about my son, it kept getting worse. My son is now 15 and we are FINALLY getting close to "normal". [/QUOTE]
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