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Scared and frustrated
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 663606" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi I am so sorry you are going through this. I have heard the same old story about plants are natural, that I just dont approve of his "life style" blah blah blah. All justifications and pure baloney but is what they tell themselves.</p><p></p><p>So first of all find ways to take care of yourselves. It is heart breaking as a parent to be in this position and you need support for you to get through this and to find ways to live your lives. So therapy can help. Support groups for parents can help. We found an alanon group for parents that has been a lfe saver for me.... I have been going the last 5 years. The focus in alanon is on you not the addict and it can help to have a place where you can think about what you need.</p><p></p><p>Second and this is really hard, you cannot control this situation. You can not make him stop using as much as you want to. As much as you are willing to do anything to do so. However you can set some clear boundaries and limits. You dont have to have drugs in your home. You dont have to let him drive your car if you know he is using and you certainly dont need to give him money. You also do not need to pay for a lawyer and if he is over 18 you dont need to let him live in your house.</p><p>You do not need to take any abuse form him (although so far it doesnt sound like he has been abusive to you, but abusive behaviors often do come with drug use). </p><p></p><p>You can let him know you love him. You can let him know if he wants help you are there to help him. </p><p></p><p>And then to some extent you do a lot of hoping and waiting to see what will happen.</p><p></p><p>One of the things I learned in alanon is the 3 Cs you didnt cause it, you cant control it and you cant cure it. That all has to come from hm.</p><p></p><p>My son is now almost 24, He has been in a lot of rehabs and programs either because the court ordered it, or we made it such that he didnt have anywhere else to go. They did give him some clean time along the way but he always relapsed in a big way. He now for the first time is in rehab because he personally got to a place where he chose it.... and I am seeing a difference in how he is reacting. There is hope.... but it is a tough journey.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 663606, member: 15801"] Hi I am so sorry you are going through this. I have heard the same old story about plants are natural, that I just dont approve of his "life style" blah blah blah. All justifications and pure baloney but is what they tell themselves. So first of all find ways to take care of yourselves. It is heart breaking as a parent to be in this position and you need support for you to get through this and to find ways to live your lives. So therapy can help. Support groups for parents can help. We found an alanon group for parents that has been a lfe saver for me.... I have been going the last 5 years. The focus in alanon is on you not the addict and it can help to have a place where you can think about what you need. Second and this is really hard, you cannot control this situation. You can not make him stop using as much as you want to. As much as you are willing to do anything to do so. However you can set some clear boundaries and limits. You dont have to have drugs in your home. You dont have to let him drive your car if you know he is using and you certainly dont need to give him money. You also do not need to pay for a lawyer and if he is over 18 you dont need to let him live in your house. You do not need to take any abuse form him (although so far it doesnt sound like he has been abusive to you, but abusive behaviors often do come with drug use). You can let him know you love him. You can let him know if he wants help you are there to help him. And then to some extent you do a lot of hoping and waiting to see what will happen. One of the things I learned in alanon is the 3 Cs you didnt cause it, you cant control it and you cant cure it. That all has to come from hm. My son is now almost 24, He has been in a lot of rehabs and programs either because the court ordered it, or we made it such that he didnt have anywhere else to go. They did give him some clean time along the way but he always relapsed in a big way. He now for the first time is in rehab because he personally got to a place where he chose it.... and I am seeing a difference in how he is reacting. There is hope.... but it is a tough journey. [/QUOTE]
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