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General Parenting
scared for the future - long, sorry...
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 435405" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>.</p><p></p><p>Very true, BUT he is only 4. Setting up routines for HIM is not to benefit him, but YOU. I'm pretty sure he does not care what anyone thinks of his behavior. Why? Because he is 4. on the other hand you are very concerned with his behavior. It's your job to be concerned.</p><p></p><p>Think back to when you first brought him home. Feeding schedule at 3mos is what? every 3-4 hours? Did that change just because it was inconvenient? No, but if it <strong><em>had</em></strong> to, did he wait patiently or did he start crying at the top of his lungs? At age 4, routines are not much different. Yes, you have extended visits elsewhere, so the routine will not be 100% exactly the same all the time (it isn't now either - weekdays are different from weekends) BUT there are somethings that can always remain the same, you just have to find them. Eating schedule, bed time, story time, etc. There are also routines within the routines, which you should start identifying. Does he have a favorite plate, spoon, cup, fork? If so, always carry them with you, so if you have to change plans and stop to eat somewhere, these familiar items are around. If not, go buy a set he might like (favorite movie character or something) and ALWAYS use them at mealtimes. This brings familiarity to any unusual situation, and gives a visual clue to the 'regular routine' </p><p></p><p>My kids are very used to me pouring drinks after everyone has their food. On rare occasions, I pour the drinks first. I get greeted with remarks such as "what? We're getting air for dinner?" They are poking fun because I changed the 'routine'. We spend lots of time in our family finding, creating and perfecting 'routines' that work, so the kids are hyper aware of such things. If they were true difficult children, they wouldn't be joking, they'd probably be getting angry, assuming that all they were getting was a drink. At age 4 son did sometimes get angry at these seemingly insignificant changes - took me a LONG time to figure out what was upsetting him.</p><p></p><p>No, the world will not accommodate J, but as his mom, it is your job to teach him that fact - it will not happen at the age of 4 for him. PCs learn this naturally. difficult children have a more difficult time. Setting up good routines to keep him calm at age 4 will not make him expect the same treatment at age 24. As my kids get older, even some of their most ingrained routines start becoming more flexible. Meal times can now vary by as much as an hour in either direction. The more bored they are, the more agitated they get, but they CAN deal. I was PETRIFIED of vacation last year in part due to the meal issue. 3 days of driving I was NOT going to stop and buy 3 meals per day for 4 of us. I stocked up on snacks, both healthy meal substitute snacks and usual junky snacks. I explained that at meal times we would have the healthy meal substitute snacks, and they could have ANY snack once an hour, and then each day we would stop for a full meal for dinner. They handled it quite well. Yes, my kids are older. When they were younger, this adjustment would have been more difficult, and I know that and I would have set it up much 'closer' to the "normal routine"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 435405, member: 11965"] . Very true, BUT he is only 4. Setting up routines for HIM is not to benefit him, but YOU. I'm pretty sure he does not care what anyone thinks of his behavior. Why? Because he is 4. on the other hand you are very concerned with his behavior. It's your job to be concerned. Think back to when you first brought him home. Feeding schedule at 3mos is what? every 3-4 hours? Did that change just because it was inconvenient? No, but if it [B][I]had[/I][/B] to, did he wait patiently or did he start crying at the top of his lungs? At age 4, routines are not much different. Yes, you have extended visits elsewhere, so the routine will not be 100% exactly the same all the time (it isn't now either - weekdays are different from weekends) BUT there are somethings that can always remain the same, you just have to find them. Eating schedule, bed time, story time, etc. There are also routines within the routines, which you should start identifying. Does he have a favorite plate, spoon, cup, fork? If so, always carry them with you, so if you have to change plans and stop to eat somewhere, these familiar items are around. If not, go buy a set he might like (favorite movie character or something) and ALWAYS use them at mealtimes. This brings familiarity to any unusual situation, and gives a visual clue to the 'regular routine' My kids are very used to me pouring drinks after everyone has their food. On rare occasions, I pour the drinks first. I get greeted with remarks such as "what? We're getting air for dinner?" They are poking fun because I changed the 'routine'. We spend lots of time in our family finding, creating and perfecting 'routines' that work, so the kids are hyper aware of such things. If they were true difficult children, they wouldn't be joking, they'd probably be getting angry, assuming that all they were getting was a drink. At age 4 son did sometimes get angry at these seemingly insignificant changes - took me a LONG time to figure out what was upsetting him. No, the world will not accommodate J, but as his mom, it is your job to teach him that fact - it will not happen at the age of 4 for him. PCs learn this naturally. difficult children have a more difficult time. Setting up good routines to keep him calm at age 4 will not make him expect the same treatment at age 24. As my kids get older, even some of their most ingrained routines start becoming more flexible. Meal times can now vary by as much as an hour in either direction. The more bored they are, the more agitated they get, but they CAN deal. I was PETRIFIED of vacation last year in part due to the meal issue. 3 days of driving I was NOT going to stop and buy 3 meals per day for 4 of us. I stocked up on snacks, both healthy meal substitute snacks and usual junky snacks. I explained that at meal times we would have the healthy meal substitute snacks, and they could have ANY snack once an hour, and then each day we would stop for a full meal for dinner. They handled it quite well. Yes, my kids are older. When they were younger, this adjustment would have been more difficult, and I know that and I would have set it up much 'closer' to the "normal routine" [/QUOTE]
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