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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 254108" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: black">Warning: Some of these are NOT p.c.! They sound like something George Carlin would have said (and maybe he did)...</span></span></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE </span><span style="color: black">MONKEYS AND APES?</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE</span><span style="color: black">SELF-HELP SECTION?"</span><span style="color: black">SHE REPLIED THAT IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS</span><span style="color: black">HANDS WITH S</span><span style="color: black">OAP?</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR "SYNONYM"?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL"?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN</span><span style="color: black">ENDANGERED PLANT?</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT</span><span style="color: black">TO REMAIN SILENT?</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER</span><span style="color: black">PEOPLE.</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGE-BRA?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF</span><span style="color: black">'ASSTEROIDS'?</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black">33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY</span><span style="color: black">BECOME DISORIENTED?</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'"><span style="color: black"><strong>34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?</strong></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 254108, member: 3444"] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=black]Warning: Some of these are NOT p.c.! They sound like something George Carlin would have said (and maybe he did)...[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE [/COLOR][COLOR=black]MONKEYS AND APES?[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE[/COLOR][COLOR=black]SELF-HELP SECTION?"[/COLOR][COLOR=black]SHE REPLIED THAT IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS[/COLOR][COLOR=black]HANDS WITH S[/COLOR][COLOR=black]OAP?[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR "SYNONYM"?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL"?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN[/COLOR][COLOR=black]ENDANGERED PLANT?[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT[/COLOR][COLOR=black]TO REMAIN SILENT?[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER[/COLOR][COLOR=black]PEOPLE.[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGE-BRA?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF[/COLOR][COLOR=black]'ASSTEROIDS'?[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black]33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY[/COLOR][COLOR=black]BECOME DISORIENTED?[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Book Antiqua] [/FONT][/B] [FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][B]34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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