sensitive question about miscarriages

[Steely]

I just wanted to add a counter perspective to Hound's perspective because the process of writing is very close to my heart. I believe that a person's imagination, personal development and enlightenment can be found in writing. Before I got worried that my Mom would read my diary, I produced some poems that personally brought about personal growth for me. They were a treasure to me. Something I was so proud of, but I showed to no one. Once I knew she would read what I wrote, I stopped. I stopped yearning for that release to write, and turned to other things for a release. Things that were much more negative than exploring life on paper.

I just personally feel as if writing should always be sacred. For every person, no matter their age. It is to be gently nurtured, cared for, and protected by the owner, even if that owner is 14. It is their precious possession, that took courage to write. And by writing it, it puts their inner world on paper and makes it a reality which is the first step to making a change. The second step should not be the parent making the change for them because they read their personal diary. As we all know, we will all find out sooner than later that things in our child's life are awry without breaching their unspoken trust by us reading their personal journeys.

OK - sorry. I just had to state something I feel strongly about. Thanks.

 

[susiestar]

Steely, I understand your feelings and recognize that many people feel that way.

I handle this more the way Lisa does. I have the right to read any diary, journal, paper, etc... my kids write. They know it and do not argue because they know it is pointless. They also know that for the most part I will NOT read their stuff other than school assignments unless their behavior/choices make me feel there is a serious problem and I can't get the info I need by asking them. If they write something that is very personal and they are not getting into trouble, they can tape pages together and write on the tape that it is private and to ask before I open it. I wouldn't even know it was taped shut unless there was a real problem that needed to be handled and they didn't say anything when I asked them about it. THEN I would go through their stuff - and would feel no shame, etc... for doing it.

I think a big part of this not being a big deal for my family is that that kids all know WHY I would read their diary or whatever and they know what to do to not make me feel a need to read their thigns. I do see the growth that can come from writing, but kids are not adults. They need us to supervise and guide them, and sometimes that means reading what they don't want us to. Being a parent isn't about making them happy or being their friend after all.

This IS a personal issue and I don't mean to argue with anyone. I think each family has to deal with this in a way that fits their family dynamic and values. I respect Steely's right to not read her child's journal and I hope she respects my feelings with respect to my kids' diaries/etc...

For us the big part of this issue was that the kids knew what to expect long before they ever put crayon to paper. They knew how to keep something private and they knew that if they were in trouble then I would look through every facet of their lives to help them - and that I would not do it just to snoop for curiosity.

I also agree that if daughter is old enough for bc then she needs the full exam if she hasn't had it.

CM - you know your daughter and your family. I do think askng about problems since she has started the pill, talking about the various problems that could happen like pregnancy the first 30 days after she started on it, heavy periods, etc... is a good thing and maybe this isn't the time to mention you read her diary. You will know it if it important to mention it when you talk to her. I would tell her that if she leaves it out in the main part of the house then she can't complain if someone reads it. She has her own room and can leave it there, after all.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'm going to split sides here... For the most part I agree with Steely - I also completely stopped writing ANYTHING that had any meaning to myself, from the time I caught on that Mom was reading any of it. Locked that part of myself away so firmly, that I'm still paying for it 30+ years later. But... Mom was, well, always into the details of my life, always wanting to know exactly the things she didn't need to know (like whether or not I liked a particular teacher or subject, or was thinking of certain careers...). She butted into my life so often based on what she read that there was no way for me to explore or develop.

However... IF I felt one of my kids was in serious danger... I'd read, too.

I guess what I'm saying is... if you're the kind of a parent that "must" act on what you read, or if you have to snoop to do it and there is no "just cause" for doing so... you will probably do serious damage to both your child's development and to the relationship. If you can read and not act in any way, 99.999999% of the time (i.e. except for serious danger)... then maybe, if you're up front about it as Susie is, it would be OK.

If you don't have to snoop and the kid left it in the open... catch 22 is, how will you handle what you read??

 

[AnnieO]

As for the journal... I think parents have a right, however it's one that shouldn't be abused too much. She left it out? ANYONE could have read it, Know what I mean?? So. You tell her - "You left your journal out, please be careful about that, you won't want XXX reading it!"

As for the implant. She needs needs needs a full pelvic/Pap/breast exam. We had to argue this over and over with Onyxx, and she threw a fit, did not want to do the exam. (Probably because we would find out she was regularly sexually active... Sheesh. NOT my biggest issue.) She was only able to get 1 month of birth control pills from Planned Parenthood. They even refused to do more without a full exam.

When we took her to the current gyn, (female) doctor told her - you HAVE to have an exam. I will NOT Rx ANYTHING for you otherwise. Onyxx didn't like it, but she gave up. She was 15-almost-16. My first pelvic was age 14, I was not active, but Mom said I had to so I did. And no, I didn't get BC then.

The implants CAN have nasty side effects. That could be your intro...