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Seriously Thinking About Just Giving Up
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 516588" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>That walking thing is something programs and we at home work pretty hard to teach them to do, so It is great you are cool with that. Since he doesn't seem to know to do it early enough, maybe you can make up a bunch of tickets that say take a walk, cool off or some such thing. And again, dont let him see you sweat. He may have been upset he made you angry but he also got what he wanted....control over the situation. I bet he has mixed feelings because he is not getting his ultimate goal but he is getting what he thinks is payback or some reaction he was looking for. He sounds like he has no ability to delay gratification at all. My son has this issue from time to time and it is very intense. Then add limited frustration tolerance and it is a deadly combination. Q follows me around too and will even try to sit on me if I climb in my bed. I tell him he is not allowed in my room but he still does it. He always gets a consequence but it doesn't change it because in those moments he wants what he wants when he wants it. Very toddler like. Eventually I am able to think of some thing he wants to do that is not the demand thing and I again say something like, gosh, I really wanted to see if I could buy Q some shorts today.... that would be so much fun. His mind starts to shift and I know even if he says I dont care ... I dont say anything like "yes you do" or "well you have to show me respect" or anything because it just makes him need the last word. I just wait and usually within ten minutes he is saying, ok I will show you we can go shopping today to get some shorts. Last night when that happened, he ended up cleaning his room, all his idea. I HATE how long it takes and how impatient I feel inside and sometimes resentful that I have to spend so much energy on the most simple requests, like just give me five minutes to calm down and think. </p><p></p><p>So we have these words that are laminated (and I have copies because I simply expect he will rip them, I do not make that a power struggle) and I just hand him the card. If I can't get to them I still do the backwards finger counting and for some reason he gets the message probably 75% of the time that he needs to leave so we can work it out later.</p><p></p><p>I dont know if any of this would help you but even if it doesn't, please know I really do get how relentless they can be and how wearing and frustrating it is to live with a kid who just does not have better skills to get what they want. It is intense and I think at times it would be nice to quit too. I think most parents do at some point but we surely must feel that way more than the typical parent. Is there any chance for home services so someone can be there and take him out some days???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 516588, member: 12886"] That walking thing is something programs and we at home work pretty hard to teach them to do, so It is great you are cool with that. Since he doesn't seem to know to do it early enough, maybe you can make up a bunch of tickets that say take a walk, cool off or some such thing. And again, dont let him see you sweat. He may have been upset he made you angry but he also got what he wanted....control over the situation. I bet he has mixed feelings because he is not getting his ultimate goal but he is getting what he thinks is payback or some reaction he was looking for. He sounds like he has no ability to delay gratification at all. My son has this issue from time to time and it is very intense. Then add limited frustration tolerance and it is a deadly combination. Q follows me around too and will even try to sit on me if I climb in my bed. I tell him he is not allowed in my room but he still does it. He always gets a consequence but it doesn't change it because in those moments he wants what he wants when he wants it. Very toddler like. Eventually I am able to think of some thing he wants to do that is not the demand thing and I again say something like, gosh, I really wanted to see if I could buy Q some shorts today.... that would be so much fun. His mind starts to shift and I know even if he says I dont care ... I dont say anything like "yes you do" or "well you have to show me respect" or anything because it just makes him need the last word. I just wait and usually within ten minutes he is saying, ok I will show you we can go shopping today to get some shorts. Last night when that happened, he ended up cleaning his room, all his idea. I HATE how long it takes and how impatient I feel inside and sometimes resentful that I have to spend so much energy on the most simple requests, like just give me five minutes to calm down and think. So we have these words that are laminated (and I have copies because I simply expect he will rip them, I do not make that a power struggle) and I just hand him the card. If I can't get to them I still do the backwards finger counting and for some reason he gets the message probably 75% of the time that he needs to leave so we can work it out later. I dont know if any of this would help you but even if it doesn't, please know I really do get how relentless they can be and how wearing and frustrating it is to live with a kid who just does not have better skills to get what they want. It is intense and I think at times it would be nice to quit too. I think most parents do at some point but we surely must feel that way more than the typical parent. Is there any chance for home services so someone can be there and take him out some days??? [/QUOTE]
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