Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
she blew
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 423849" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Ok. Will say right now.........that was a little spooky of a post to read. Because clear up until her last big deep end dive last year........that is exactly what Nichole used to do and tell me. She's told me about the unholy rage that has eaten her alive for years. She didn't know where it came from, but she didn't know how to get rid of it either. </p><p></p><p>For a long time she blamed others for the rage, which the rare occasion of admitting that this rage seemed to fester inside of her with no cause.....it was more that other people (especially those she was close to) could cause it to spill out of her onto them. </p><p></p><p>Docs claimed it was part of the bipolar. I dunno. I'm still on the line over the bipolar diagnosis as she has never had even subtle signs of mania. The borderline diagnosis.....yup. But most of what we dealt with was that internal rage whether it was directed at herself (most of the time) or at others (some of the time when she lost what little control she had over it) That rage terrified her. H*ll it terrified me for her. </p><p></p><p>Nichole has worked hard to both control and to get rid of the rage for years. She honestly believed herself to be unlovable due to it. Which of course only made it that much worse. I can't tell you how long I had to drill into her that I loved Nichole regardless of the rage and the behaviors it caused. I had to get through to her that I could not approve of certain behavior and still love her. That was the most difficult thing of all. Because when a person believes themselves deep down to be truly unlovable......they push everyone away, especially those they care the most for in order to not have to feel the pain of utter rejection. So they reject first or try to.</p><p></p><p>This past year since that last big nose dive.......Nichole has dealt with the rage head on, instead of just the behaviors it caused. She's take it out and examined it and was brutally honest with herself. We've had endless long talks. For the first time in a very long time she truly knows her parents and her family love her no matter what, that nothing will kill that love. And she's spent this past year getting to know herself and love herself for the person she is.......not what she *thought* we wanted her to be (including boyfriend). The change in her is nothing short of amazing. Her true friends, those that have stuck by her over the years, are thrilled for her. Her family can't seriously get enough of her.</p><p></p><p>Prom, graduation..........phhht. They're nothing compared to this Jena. This is her life, her well being. Everything else has no meaning without that. So focus on what is important and let the rest go. Yes, we have a plan of how we'd like things to be for our kids. But then life throws you a curve ball and it's just not that way at all. </p><p></p><p>That rage will eat her alive if she does not deal with it and learn to get past it. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 423849, member: 84"] Ok. Will say right now.........that was a little spooky of a post to read. Because clear up until her last big deep end dive last year........that is exactly what Nichole used to do and tell me. She's told me about the unholy rage that has eaten her alive for years. She didn't know where it came from, but she didn't know how to get rid of it either. For a long time she blamed others for the rage, which the rare occasion of admitting that this rage seemed to fester inside of her with no cause.....it was more that other people (especially those she was close to) could cause it to spill out of her onto them. Docs claimed it was part of the bipolar. I dunno. I'm still on the line over the bipolar diagnosis as she has never had even subtle signs of mania. The borderline diagnosis.....yup. But most of what we dealt with was that internal rage whether it was directed at herself (most of the time) or at others (some of the time when she lost what little control she had over it) That rage terrified her. H*ll it terrified me for her. Nichole has worked hard to both control and to get rid of the rage for years. She honestly believed herself to be unlovable due to it. Which of course only made it that much worse. I can't tell you how long I had to drill into her that I loved Nichole regardless of the rage and the behaviors it caused. I had to get through to her that I could not approve of certain behavior and still love her. That was the most difficult thing of all. Because when a person believes themselves deep down to be truly unlovable......they push everyone away, especially those they care the most for in order to not have to feel the pain of utter rejection. So they reject first or try to. This past year since that last big nose dive.......Nichole has dealt with the rage head on, instead of just the behaviors it caused. She's take it out and examined it and was brutally honest with herself. We've had endless long talks. For the first time in a very long time she truly knows her parents and her family love her no matter what, that nothing will kill that love. And she's spent this past year getting to know herself and love herself for the person she is.......not what she *thought* we wanted her to be (including boyfriend). The change in her is nothing short of amazing. Her true friends, those that have stuck by her over the years, are thrilled for her. Her family can't seriously get enough of her. Prom, graduation..........phhht. They're nothing compared to this Jena. This is her life, her well being. Everything else has no meaning without that. So focus on what is important and let the rest go. Yes, we have a plan of how we'd like things to be for our kids. But then life throws you a curve ball and it's just not that way at all. That rage will eat her alive if she does not deal with it and learn to get past it. Hugs [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
she blew
Top