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She Went Too Far This Time...
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 678608" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Skool Teacher, I am so sorry for all you have gone through. It is horrible when our kids go off the rails. A lot of us have been through similar trials with our d cs, we are the club no one ever wanted to be in, and we understand the grief of this. </p><p></p><p>Welcome to the forum.</p><p></p><p>I would assume by the description you wrote of your daughters shenanigans that she has gotten into substances. It is usually the case. Forgive me if I am wrong.</p><p></p><p>This is a difficult time, when it gets to the breaking point. There is a very good article on detaching on the top of this forum that has helped me tremendously to stay the course. It is a good map to get my bearings when the going gets rough.</p><p></p><p>You have done a good job parenting your girl. None of this is your fault. For some reason, these kids just fail to launch and most of us have tried anything and everything to try to fix the problem.</p><p>The problem is, we can't fix anything if our kids don't even think they need fixing.</p><p></p><p>We go down this path with them, fixing and rescuing until we get to the point where you are at, the transgression is too great, too disrespectful, too outrageous.</p><p></p><p>You are right to take the keys to the truck and house. You are right in your determination that you cannot house an adult child who lies and steals. It is a message that rings loud and clear. </p><p>"I will not take this anymore."</p><p>No one should put up with it. </p><p>Good for you.</p><p></p><p>What next?</p><p></p><p>It is very important that you build yourself up. Right now you are angry, it is a place to be to set boundaries and take action. You have taken steps to protect yourself by taking the keys. </p><p>Credit card theft is intolerable. I hope you have informed the credit card company and changed the number. Protect your mail, and make sure your daughter cannot get access to it.</p><p> I would never have imagined my kids breaking into my house and taking jewelry, stealing cash.... Etc. </p><p>It happened. </p><p></p><p>Somehow, these d cs don't view us as people, <em>we are opportunities</em>. Be very careful. Especially now, when you have laid down the law and ousted her. She will not be a happy camper.</p><p></p><p>During this time, it is good to read as much as you can, attend face to face meetings alanon, naranon, and keep posting. It is like journaling, the awesome folks here will chime in with advice and share from their experiences.</p><p></p><p>Take very good care of yourself dear, you have value and you matter. Most of us have gone through similar things with our d cs and have gone from anger to grief and all of the stages.</p><p></p><p>It is a hard road we are on. We have found that our d cs do not get better at home with us, they just keep going down a slippery slope and pull at our heartstrings along the way.</p><p></p><p>Our adult kids need to learn from the choices they make and deal with the consequences. You are giving your daughter the greatest chance to change her ways by <em>not helping her. This </em>goes contrary to our mom instincts to nurture. That is why it is so important to build yourself up and be ready for whatever comes down the road.</p><p></p><p>You are here now and it is a good place to be for folks like us. We are a group of kind and caring parents who are in different places on this journey with our d cs. Not experts or professionals, just folks who have been there, done that. There is no judgement, no right or wrong, this is your path.</p><p> </p><p>Stay with us and keep posting, it really, really helps. </p><p></p><p>Wishing you peace in this hard time. I am sorry for the heart ache of it all.</p><p></p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 678608, member: 19522"] Hi Skool Teacher, I am so sorry for all you have gone through. It is horrible when our kids go off the rails. A lot of us have been through similar trials with our d cs, we are the club no one ever wanted to be in, and we understand the grief of this. Welcome to the forum. I would assume by the description you wrote of your daughters shenanigans that she has gotten into substances. It is usually the case. Forgive me if I am wrong. This is a difficult time, when it gets to the breaking point. There is a very good article on detaching on the top of this forum that has helped me tremendously to stay the course. It is a good map to get my bearings when the going gets rough. You have done a good job parenting your girl. None of this is your fault. For some reason, these kids just fail to launch and most of us have tried anything and everything to try to fix the problem. The problem is, we can't fix anything if our kids don't even think they need fixing. We go down this path with them, fixing and rescuing until we get to the point where you are at, the transgression is too great, too disrespectful, too outrageous. You are right to take the keys to the truck and house. You are right in your determination that you cannot house an adult child who lies and steals. It is a message that rings loud and clear. "I will not take this anymore." No one should put up with it. Good for you. What next? It is very important that you build yourself up. Right now you are angry, it is a place to be to set boundaries and take action. You have taken steps to protect yourself by taking the keys. Credit card theft is intolerable. I hope you have informed the credit card company and changed the number. Protect your mail, and make sure your daughter cannot get access to it. I would never have imagined my kids breaking into my house and taking jewelry, stealing cash.... Etc. It happened. Somehow, these d cs don't view us as people, [I]we are opportunities[/I]. Be very careful. Especially now, when you have laid down the law and ousted her. She will not be a happy camper. During this time, it is good to read as much as you can, attend face to face meetings alanon, naranon, and keep posting. It is like journaling, the awesome folks here will chime in with advice and share from their experiences. Take very good care of yourself dear, you have value and you matter. Most of us have gone through similar things with our d cs and have gone from anger to grief and all of the stages. It is a hard road we are on. We have found that our d cs do not get better at home with us, they just keep going down a slippery slope and pull at our heartstrings along the way. Our adult kids need to learn from the choices they make and deal with the consequences. You are giving your daughter the greatest chance to change her ways by [I]not helping her. This [/I]goes contrary to our mom instincts to nurture. That is why it is so important to build yourself up and be ready for whatever comes down the road. You are here now and it is a good place to be for folks like us. We are a group of kind and caring parents who are in different places on this journey with our d cs. Not experts or professionals, just folks who have been there, done that. There is no judgement, no right or wrong, this is your path. Stay with us and keep posting, it really, really helps. Wishing you peace in this hard time. I am sorry for the heart ache of it all. (((Hugs))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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