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She will never be normal, will she?
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<blockquote data-quote="emotionallybankrupt" data-source="post: 327855" data-attributes="member: 8226"><p>Wow, what a thread! I relate to so many of the feelings expressed. I've worried a lot about the "unmotherly" emotions I had regarding my child. Before I found this board, I'd never heard anybody else express any of those same emotions. It was a huge relief.</p><p> </p><p>Even the relatively small amount of time I've had away from my difficult child has changed my perspective a lot, though. I don't really hate her; I was just so far past any coping skills that I couldn't see it any other way at the time. Since there were no options for other living arrangements for her, even temporarily, I never got a break, and so I became all the more broken myself.</p><p> </p><p>I'm thinking you, also, are at the point of needing her out of the house for the sake of all concerned, as has already been suggested by many previous posts on the thread.</p><p> </p><p>On nicknames...when I read your post about her educational program being spoonfed, I wondered if that might work--you the fork, she the "spoonfed wonder"? Time to find her own spoon and learn how to use it?</p><p> </p><p>For my difficult child, I'm working hard to keep myself from feeling sorry for her. I'm looking at it as her own self-imposed, self-designed, personalized boot camp. I hope she can learn what she needs to learn through that, so that she can grow to her potential. It wasn't going to happen here. Patterns were too entrenched. She was stagnating, and so was I.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>I, too, clutched that concept tightly for many years while at the same time, the life was being drained out of me. Finally, somebody pointed out to me the CONTEXT of this so frequently quoted statement. Temptation, (gulp), not burden. Re-read with this in mind and see if it gives you any release from the idea that you should be able to handle whatever is thrown at you and that you are somehow a failure if you can't.</p><p> </p><p>What it says to me is that I should be always capable of resisting the temptation to choke her, but not necessarily to avoid a breakdown myself. Gives that self-care concept a new importance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="emotionallybankrupt, post: 327855, member: 8226"] Wow, what a thread! I relate to so many of the feelings expressed. I've worried a lot about the "unmotherly" emotions I had regarding my child. Before I found this board, I'd never heard anybody else express any of those same emotions. It was a huge relief. Even the relatively small amount of time I've had away from my difficult child has changed my perspective a lot, though. I don't really hate her; I was just so far past any coping skills that I couldn't see it any other way at the time. Since there were no options for other living arrangements for her, even temporarily, I never got a break, and so I became all the more broken myself. I'm thinking you, also, are at the point of needing her out of the house for the sake of all concerned, as has already been suggested by many previous posts on the thread. On nicknames...when I read your post about her educational program being spoonfed, I wondered if that might work--you the fork, she the "spoonfed wonder"? Time to find her own spoon and learn how to use it? For my difficult child, I'm working hard to keep myself from feeling sorry for her. I'm looking at it as her own self-imposed, self-designed, personalized boot camp. I hope she can learn what she needs to learn through that, so that she can grow to her potential. It wasn't going to happen here. Patterns were too entrenched. She was stagnating, and so was I. I, too, clutched that concept tightly for many years while at the same time, the life was being drained out of me. Finally, somebody pointed out to me the CONTEXT of this so frequently quoted statement. Temptation, (gulp), not burden. Re-read with this in mind and see if it gives you any release from the idea that you should be able to handle whatever is thrown at you and that you are somehow a failure if you can't. What it says to me is that I should be always capable of resisting the temptation to choke her, but not necessarily to avoid a breakdown myself. Gives that self-care concept a new importance. [/QUOTE]
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She will never be normal, will she?
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