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She's Struggling
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<blockquote data-quote="tiredmommy" data-source="post: 532921" data-attributes="member: 1722"><p>Her teacher knows but the problem lies in Duckie. She has to do and be like the other high achievers in her class or she stresses out. I also had it out with husband a bit last night.</p><p></p><p>Me: "It makes Alicia stressed and upset that she's pressured by you to play viola for your mother."</p><p></p><p>husband: "But Mom really likes it."</p><p></p><p>Me:" You need to think like a father, not just a son."</p><p></p><p>husband: "Well, she gets stressed when she has to play in front of people so this just gives her practice."</p><p></p><p>Me: "No, this is different. She feels she has to play because she'll disappoint you or upset her grandmother."</p><p></p><p>husband: "But Mom keeps saying Duckie's playing is the only thing that relaxes her."</p><p></p><p>Me: "Our 11 year old daughter cannot be made responsible for relieving your dying mother's anxiety. It's not right to put that on her."</p><p></p><p>husband: "So what do we do, have her stop bringing her viola?"</p><p></p><p>Me: "If that's what Duckie wants. Whether she plays or not for your mother must be her decision. Not yours or your mother's. Her decision. And she decides each time we visit."</p><p></p><p>husband: "But what if Mom asks her to play and she hasn't brought her viola?"</p><p></p><p>Me: "Then we tell her she can't today."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tiredmommy, post: 532921, member: 1722"] Her teacher knows but the problem lies in Duckie. She has to do and be like the other high achievers in her class or she stresses out. I also had it out with husband a bit last night. Me: "It makes Alicia stressed and upset that she's pressured by you to play viola for your mother." husband: "But Mom really likes it." Me:" You need to think like a father, not just a son." husband: "Well, she gets stressed when she has to play in front of people so this just gives her practice." Me: "No, this is different. She feels she has to play because she'll disappoint you or upset her grandmother." husband: "But Mom keeps saying Duckie's playing is the only thing that relaxes her." Me: "Our 11 year old daughter cannot be made responsible for relieving your dying mother's anxiety. It's not right to put that on her." husband: "So what do we do, have her stop bringing her viola?" Me: "If that's what Duckie wants. Whether she plays or not for your mother must be her decision. Not yours or your mother's. Her decision. And she decides each time we visit." husband: "But what if Mom asks her to play and she hasn't brought her viola?" Me: "Then we tell her she can't today." [/QUOTE]
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