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Substance Abuse
Should we let him move back in?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 602327" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>I think that is your answer right there. However, I know how hard it is to imagine your child out on the streets but if he lies and steals from you there really isn't any other choice.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yup . . . heard that one too. My answer is always, "Well, they must not have stolen from their parents."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Been there and done that, too. My therapist calls it emotional blackmail and said it is abuse and that you don't have to listen to it. He is making the choices that are leading him down this path and as much as you would like to change him . . . you can't.</p><p></p><p>I know that your son is only 19 but my daughter is now 28 and we have been going through this since she was your son's age. I wish we had been stronger back then instead of letting it get worse and worse. Your son is not going to change if you let him live with you. Every penny that he doesn't have to spend on food and shelter is money he can spend on drugs.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So, obviously my answer is no. You are not being unreasonable. He has flat out told you that he is not going to stop smoking. He made his choice. Now if he had come to you saying he realized that he needed treatment and asked for your help to go to rehab then that would be different. I'd be the first to tell you to help him with rehab and sober living. But he has drawn his line in the sand and you need to draw yours. </p><p></p><p>by the way, welcome to the board. Keep posting. You will find incredible support here. Unfortunately, those of us on the SA forum have all been where you are right now.</p><p></p><p>One more thing . . . when I first came here ten years ago I was in the same place you are now. I remember someone telling me to remember the three C's which was very helpful for me. The three C's are: "You didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it."</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 602327, member: 1967"] I think that is your answer right there. However, I know how hard it is to imagine your child out on the streets but if he lies and steals from you there really isn't any other choice. Yup . . . heard that one too. My answer is always, "Well, they must not have stolen from their parents." Been there and done that, too. My therapist calls it emotional blackmail and said it is abuse and that you don't have to listen to it. He is making the choices that are leading him down this path and as much as you would like to change him . . . you can't. I know that your son is only 19 but my daughter is now 28 and we have been going through this since she was your son's age. I wish we had been stronger back then instead of letting it get worse and worse. Your son is not going to change if you let him live with you. Every penny that he doesn't have to spend on food and shelter is money he can spend on drugs. So, obviously my answer is no. You are not being unreasonable. He has flat out told you that he is not going to stop smoking. He made his choice. Now if he had come to you saying he realized that he needed treatment and asked for your help to go to rehab then that would be different. I'd be the first to tell you to help him with rehab and sober living. But he has drawn his line in the sand and you need to draw yours. by the way, welcome to the board. Keep posting. You will find incredible support here. Unfortunately, those of us on the SA forum have all been where you are right now. One more thing . . . when I first came here ten years ago I was in the same place you are now. I remember someone telling me to remember the three C's which was very helpful for me. The three C's are: "You didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Should we let him move back in?
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