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Substance Abuse
Should we let him move back in?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 602336" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi LMS1,</p><p></p><p>No you are not being unreasonable!! My son is now 21 but we kicked him out when he was 18 for very similar reasons. At the time (and still) I looked at it more about the behavior and unwillingness on his part to follow basic rules of living with others. You have no control over his drug use and even if he promises and tells you he won't, if he wants to he will finda way to do it and to hide it.... and even fake drug tests. So the thing to look at is the other behaviors such as lying, stealing and the disrespect. Do you really want to live like that again? Of course you don't nor should you. It does not serve him well to learn that he can live with you and treat you like that and get away with it.... you do not get along well in society living like that!</p><p></p><p>My son is discovering in fact that he does not get along well in society doing the things he does.... he has been in many rehabs and sober houses financed by us and is now in a holding place waiting for a court ordered (and found) treatment place. If he doesnt make the next place work he will be doing prison time. </p><p></p><p>Did us kicking him out make things worse? Who knows....but I think us holding our ground and letting him figure thingss out, including being homeless for 5 months in winter, got him into treatment several times. And although none of his times in treatment "fixed" him, I think they all helped for a time and kept him from worse drug use. I think if we had done nothing and let him just live at home the way he wanted to, we would all (including my very together younger daughter) would be complete wrecks by now.... and he would be seriously addicted to something like heroin. He defintitely would not have stopped using and would have kept stealing from us to support a drug habit. There is no way I want to help him use drugs... and I dont think you do either. And if you let your son move home that is essentially be what you are doing, helping him continue with his drug habit. Sorry to be harsh but I believe that is the reality.</p><p></p><p>Some times loving them means drawing that line. So my suggestion is to let him know you love him and when he wants help you will be there for him but no dont let him move back in.</p><p></p><p>*TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 602336, member: 15801"] Hi LMS1, No you are not being unreasonable!! My son is now 21 but we kicked him out when he was 18 for very similar reasons. At the time (and still) I looked at it more about the behavior and unwillingness on his part to follow basic rules of living with others. You have no control over his drug use and even if he promises and tells you he won't, if he wants to he will finda way to do it and to hide it.... and even fake drug tests. So the thing to look at is the other behaviors such as lying, stealing and the disrespect. Do you really want to live like that again? Of course you don't nor should you. It does not serve him well to learn that he can live with you and treat you like that and get away with it.... you do not get along well in society living like that! My son is discovering in fact that he does not get along well in society doing the things he does.... he has been in many rehabs and sober houses financed by us and is now in a holding place waiting for a court ordered (and found) treatment place. If he doesnt make the next place work he will be doing prison time. Did us kicking him out make things worse? Who knows....but I think us holding our ground and letting him figure thingss out, including being homeless for 5 months in winter, got him into treatment several times. And although none of his times in treatment "fixed" him, I think they all helped for a time and kept him from worse drug use. I think if we had done nothing and let him just live at home the way he wanted to, we would all (including my very together younger daughter) would be complete wrecks by now.... and he would be seriously addicted to something like heroin. He defintitely would not have stopped using and would have kept stealing from us to support a drug habit. There is no way I want to help him use drugs... and I dont think you do either. And if you let your son move home that is essentially be what you are doing, helping him continue with his drug habit. Sorry to be harsh but I believe that is the reality. Some times loving them means drawing that line. So my suggestion is to let him know you love him and when he wants help you will be there for him but no dont let him move back in. *TL [/QUOTE]
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Should we let him move back in?
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