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Substance Abuse
Should we let him move back in?
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 602397"><p>Hang in there, don't let him back in--not without significant change on his part. He's not there yet. Since finding this board, I have learned that when we *think* we are modeling loving & reasonable behavior to our difficult child's in the form of compromise; we are ACTUALLY fueling their behavior and giving them the power in our relationship w them. I know it seems crazy- but they are not thinking clearly & they are not reasonable. Every time you lower the bar or meet him halfway, you are actually giving him permission. They're not like you and me; they don't react with gratitude and relief when we try to see their point of view or accommodate them. When a reasonable person screws up or offends someone & is forgiven- we think phew, yay we have a 2nd chance! ! And we swear not to make the same mistake again and we try to make it up to the other person. </p><p></p><p>difficult child's? They think "AHA", "GOTCHA" -- "here we go... " and take more advantage.</p><p></p><p>So, be firm and honor your own self & morals first.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 602397"] Hang in there, don't let him back in--not without significant change on his part. He's not there yet. Since finding this board, I have learned that when we *think* we are modeling loving & reasonable behavior to our difficult child's in the form of compromise; we are ACTUALLY fueling their behavior and giving them the power in our relationship w them. I know it seems crazy- but they are not thinking clearly & they are not reasonable. Every time you lower the bar or meet him halfway, you are actually giving him permission. They're not like you and me; they don't react with gratitude and relief when we try to see their point of view or accommodate them. When a reasonable person screws up or offends someone & is forgiven- we think phew, yay we have a 2nd chance! ! And we swear not to make the same mistake again and we try to make it up to the other person. difficult child's? They think "AHA", "GOTCHA" -- "here we go... " and take more advantage. So, be firm and honor your own self & morals first. [/QUOTE]
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Should we let him move back in?
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