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Siblings acting out sexually?
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<blockquote data-quote="OpenWindow" data-source="post: 176538" data-attributes="member: 45"><p>Do either of your kids have a diagnosis of any kind? If so, I'd also make sure a therapist was versed in whatever diagnosis they have. If you think they may have ADHD, ODD, or something else, or even if any of your family members do and it may be a possibility, I'd be trying to get those evaluations ASAP too (sometimes these appointments can take 6 months or more). It's not easy, and I don't think it's possible all the time for it to come quickly. We have therapy lined up but the one we has works with DCFS cases, so he has said he can't start therapy until the investigation is over. Since you don't have an investigation pending, maybe yours can be faster.</p><p></p><p>Every case of sexual abuse is different. They may have been molested by someone else, they may have a disorder that includes hypersexuality as a symptom (and ADHD includes impulsive behavior which may also be connected to something like this). You just never know. My son has always been a little hypersexual, but no one ever thought it was a problem, and surely didn't tell me to keep an eye on him and my daughter 24/7. Because you never know. My difficult child's counselor thinks in his case it was curiosity, coupled with his impulsive behavior, his social awkwardness to even talk to girls his own age, and his misguided attempts to "fit in" with the other boys who do talk about girls a lot. He is 12 but his emotional age is several years younger. If he had been more careful and sneaky, and we didn't catch it when we did, I could see it progressing to where you are.</p><p></p><p>I think the only way you can find a therapist is to find a local support group that deals with sexual abuse and ask them to recommend someone, or just go through the phone book and ask questions. You may happen to live by someone here who has dealt with this and they can PM you with a therapist they know, if you're comfortable enough to say the general area where you live, even just your state will narrow it down. (Chances are low someone here will live by you who have gone through this and know a good therapist, I'd go with a local support group myself).</p><p></p><p>I agree that the probability is that your son started it, and then your daughter may have become a more willing partner as things progressed. This even happens with kids who are abused by adults. Don't rule out anything, because you really don't know. They started when they were young, and the more it happened, the harder it was to stop. But they did stop, as far as you know, and it was out of guilt. As terrible as all this is, I think it is a good sign that they stopped on their own.</p><p></p><p>Right now it seems like the end of the world, but maybe just considering that other people have gotten through this may help. Adults who have had this happen to them have grown up to be happy adults. I was abused by my father, and while it's very hard at times, I don't think about this every day of my life anymore (well, until our latest incident). If I had gotten help from my family when I was young, things would probably be even better. You have to take every precaution and yes, the next few years are going to be hard, but you and your family can get through this. That's how I'm getting through, day by day.</p><p></p><p>Linda</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OpenWindow, post: 176538, member: 45"] Do either of your kids have a diagnosis of any kind? If so, I'd also make sure a therapist was versed in whatever diagnosis they have. If you think they may have ADHD, ODD, or something else, or even if any of your family members do and it may be a possibility, I'd be trying to get those evaluations ASAP too (sometimes these appointments can take 6 months or more). It's not easy, and I don't think it's possible all the time for it to come quickly. We have therapy lined up but the one we has works with DCFS cases, so he has said he can't start therapy until the investigation is over. Since you don't have an investigation pending, maybe yours can be faster. Every case of sexual abuse is different. They may have been molested by someone else, they may have a disorder that includes hypersexuality as a symptom (and ADHD includes impulsive behavior which may also be connected to something like this). You just never know. My son has always been a little hypersexual, but no one ever thought it was a problem, and surely didn't tell me to keep an eye on him and my daughter 24/7. Because you never know. My difficult child's counselor thinks in his case it was curiosity, coupled with his impulsive behavior, his social awkwardness to even talk to girls his own age, and his misguided attempts to "fit in" with the other boys who do talk about girls a lot. He is 12 but his emotional age is several years younger. If he had been more careful and sneaky, and we didn't catch it when we did, I could see it progressing to where you are. I think the only way you can find a therapist is to find a local support group that deals with sexual abuse and ask them to recommend someone, or just go through the phone book and ask questions. You may happen to live by someone here who has dealt with this and they can PM you with a therapist they know, if you're comfortable enough to say the general area where you live, even just your state will narrow it down. (Chances are low someone here will live by you who have gone through this and know a good therapist, I'd go with a local support group myself). I agree that the probability is that your son started it, and then your daughter may have become a more willing partner as things progressed. This even happens with kids who are abused by adults. Don't rule out anything, because you really don't know. They started when they were young, and the more it happened, the harder it was to stop. But they did stop, as far as you know, and it was out of guilt. As terrible as all this is, I think it is a good sign that they stopped on their own. Right now it seems like the end of the world, but maybe just considering that other people have gotten through this may help. Adults who have had this happen to them have grown up to be happy adults. I was abused by my father, and while it's very hard at times, I don't think about this every day of my life anymore (well, until our latest incident). If I had gotten help from my family when I was young, things would probably be even better. You have to take every precaution and yes, the next few years are going to be hard, but you and your family can get through this. That's how I'm getting through, day by day. Linda [/QUOTE]
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