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*Sigh* need advice regarding Copper (LONG)
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<blockquote data-quote="ChefPaula1965" data-source="post: 152987" data-attributes="member: 2913"><p>BBK, first of all I want to send you a big hug ..........</p><p>This has got to be a real tough time for you. You probably feel like "<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> if you do <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> if you don't.....</p><p>Yikes....</p><p>When you were pregnant with Copper, you KNEW for sure that J was the father. You calculated and found that it could not be K.</p><p>If you feel the need to you may want to have a DNA test done.. I agree with others that "wondering if" you have a child is NOT the same as Hoping that and then doing something about it. If I am correct, K has not even contacted you. You just heard this from a roomate. If you have the slightest doubt that Copper would want to know this information .. or if some way you think this would be advantageous to her.. I think that if I were in your shoes.. I would give "for what it's worth" information. I certainly think that Copper doesnt need to feel rejected anymore... and J is quite horrible for what he did to her (however his past history follows him on this one, right) ... IF you feel responsible to at least let Copper know that there is a possibility that she have a different "sperm donor" (that is all they are if they have been out of a child's life this long) I would tell her.. Then let her direct the path to go.. But not until After you speak with- K and make sure he is ready to "receive" the information about being Copper's father.. does he want to take it farther and do a dna test?? does he want to be involved in her life in the event that she agrees to do so if the dna test is positive??</p><p>I would not try to use an "excuse" for a dna test that could potentially bite you..</p><p>I don't think your past is biting you.. I just think that our past is part of the puzzle of our life, and sometimes we find a missing piece we don't quite know what to do with.</p><p>As far as the siblings are concerned, I would completely leave to Copper and to them... they are all 3 old enough to decide if they want a relationship with a potential siblings.. but may I suggest to "keep it behind the scenes" until you know for sure that J is the father.</p><p>Hon, I hope this helps...</p><p>Most of all go with your heart... what does your mommy heart say to do??</p><p>More big hugs</p><p>Paula</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ChefPaula1965, post: 152987, member: 2913"] BBK, first of all I want to send you a big hug .......... This has got to be a real tough time for you. You probably feel like ":censored2: if you do :censored2: if you don't..... Yikes.... When you were pregnant with Copper, you KNEW for sure that J was the father. You calculated and found that it could not be K. If you feel the need to you may want to have a DNA test done.. I agree with others that "wondering if" you have a child is NOT the same as Hoping that and then doing something about it. If I am correct, K has not even contacted you. You just heard this from a roomate. If you have the slightest doubt that Copper would want to know this information .. or if some way you think this would be advantageous to her.. I think that if I were in your shoes.. I would give "for what it's worth" information. I certainly think that Copper doesnt need to feel rejected anymore... and J is quite horrible for what he did to her (however his past history follows him on this one, right) ... IF you feel responsible to at least let Copper know that there is a possibility that she have a different "sperm donor" (that is all they are if they have been out of a child's life this long) I would tell her.. Then let her direct the path to go.. But not until After you speak with- K and make sure he is ready to "receive" the information about being Copper's father.. does he want to take it farther and do a dna test?? does he want to be involved in her life in the event that she agrees to do so if the dna test is positive?? I would not try to use an "excuse" for a dna test that could potentially bite you.. I don't think your past is biting you.. I just think that our past is part of the puzzle of our life, and sometimes we find a missing piece we don't quite know what to do with. As far as the siblings are concerned, I would completely leave to Copper and to them... they are all 3 old enough to decide if they want a relationship with a potential siblings.. but may I suggest to "keep it behind the scenes" until you know for sure that J is the father. Hon, I hope this helps... Most of all go with your heart... what does your mommy heart say to do?? More big hugs Paula [/QUOTE]
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