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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 619609" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It sometimes seems that difficult child kids keep coming back until they have destroyed anything that is left of us. Just that they do what they do to us over the years destroys our belief in ourselves as parents and sometimes, even as people.</p><p>Like the grandma in your family, we just don't get it...but somehow, we can't make ourselves turn away or turn them away. </p><p></p><p>Working, working, working until we get this stupid detachment stuff just so we can survive what the difficult children are up to takes so much time and effort. Between the police swooping in, the reprobates hanging around, and the court dates, our reputations in the neighborhood where the kids grew up are shot. Our marriages suffer, our finances are a very different thing than they should be and every extended family member thinks <u>they</u> could have fixed the difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Good Lord, what's left?!?</p><p></p><p>I don't even know if what I feel for my children is love, hate, or just plain amazed fear, anymore ~ except of course I must love them, because they are my children. </p><p></p><p>Our son has done this to us, too. Pretty much the second he stopped using drugs long enough to have two cents to rub together, he used it to visit us and then, made the circle tour, telling every family member about how his life was our fault.</p><p></p><p>Then? </p><p></p><p>He actually had the gall to blow up at me about all the things we hadn't done for him (talk about believing your own line of b.s.), and about what crummy parents we were and had been. Foolish Cedar, instead of just shutting up and taking it, I reminded him about the first girlfriend, who forced him to come to us and confess to the drug use because she was leaving him over that very thing. At which point, difficult child son blew up and stormed out of the house with his wife and my grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>Leaving me and husband with a four layer carrot cake and a pan of lasagna. </p><p></p><p>With which we had to celebrate husband's birthday that very night, all by ourselves.</p><p></p><p>You can imagine.</p><p></p><p>See what I mean?</p><p></p><p>Every single thing, every smallest pleasure, destroyed.</p><p></p><p>I swear, it gets to the point that keeping our marriages intact in the face of all this is almost triumph enough. husband and I seem to have evolved that kind of protectiveness over one another, when something bad happens with one of the kids. </p><p></p><p>I tell you, it is unremitting. There was a thread some time back about holidays, and whether difficult child kids go out of their ways to destroy them, or whether that happens by accident. We never did reach a conclusion about the reason why, but all of us had had holidays and special family events destroyed, seemingly on purpose, by our difficult children.</p><p></p><p>Coincidence?</p><p></p><p>Though difficult child kids seem to have no trouble analyzing every smallest detail of their childhoods and their dysfunctional parents' psyches (probably from all that therapy we've paid for), they seem to have zero insight when it comes to understanding their own motivations.</p><p></p><p>All of which is my roundabout way of telling you that I get what you are going through, and I am so mad and angry and sorry this is happening to you. It seems I have been able to get in touch with a little anger regarding the male half of my own set of difficult children, too.</p><p></p><p>Strength?</p><p></p><p>I think this might be what they call a win/win situation.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 619609, member: 17461"] It sometimes seems that difficult child kids keep coming back until they have destroyed anything that is left of us. Just that they do what they do to us over the years destroys our belief in ourselves as parents and sometimes, even as people. Like the grandma in your family, we just don't get it...but somehow, we can't make ourselves turn away or turn them away. Working, working, working until we get this stupid detachment stuff just so we can survive what the difficult children are up to takes so much time and effort. Between the police swooping in, the reprobates hanging around, and the court dates, our reputations in the neighborhood where the kids grew up are shot. Our marriages suffer, our finances are a very different thing than they should be and every extended family member thinks [U]they[/U] could have fixed the difficult child. Good Lord, what's left?!? I don't even know if what I feel for my children is love, hate, or just plain amazed fear, anymore ~ except of course I must love them, because they are my children. Our son has done this to us, too. Pretty much the second he stopped using drugs long enough to have two cents to rub together, he used it to visit us and then, made the circle tour, telling every family member about how his life was our fault. Then? He actually had the gall to blow up at me about all the things we hadn't done for him (talk about believing your own line of b.s.), and about what crummy parents we were and had been. Foolish Cedar, instead of just shutting up and taking it, I reminded him about the first girlfriend, who forced him to come to us and confess to the drug use because she was leaving him over that very thing. At which point, difficult child son blew up and stormed out of the house with his wife and my grandchildren. Leaving me and husband with a four layer carrot cake and a pan of lasagna. With which we had to celebrate husband's birthday that very night, all by ourselves. You can imagine. See what I mean? Every single thing, every smallest pleasure, destroyed. I swear, it gets to the point that keeping our marriages intact in the face of all this is almost triumph enough. husband and I seem to have evolved that kind of protectiveness over one another, when something bad happens with one of the kids. I tell you, it is unremitting. There was a thread some time back about holidays, and whether difficult child kids go out of their ways to destroy them, or whether that happens by accident. We never did reach a conclusion about the reason why, but all of us had had holidays and special family events destroyed, seemingly on purpose, by our difficult children. Coincidence? Though difficult child kids seem to have no trouble analyzing every smallest detail of their childhoods and their dysfunctional parents' psyches (probably from all that therapy we've paid for), they seem to have zero insight when it comes to understanding their own motivations. All of which is my roundabout way of telling you that I get what you are going through, and I am so mad and angry and sorry this is happening to you. It seems I have been able to get in touch with a little anger regarding the male half of my own set of difficult children, too. Strength? I think this might be what they call a win/win situation. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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