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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619623" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>RE...i am going to print out your entire post because I am learning from everything you said. </p><p></p><p>Yes guns are blasting, sometimes they are silent for a day or a month, then blasting again. My job is to find peace in the middle of the war zone and also during the fragile cease-fires when he is in jail, "somewhere" like rehab, occupied for a time, not for me, but I can regain my strength during those times. Peace. Strangely, I never knew it before I was on this journey, even when things were "normal". Then, I spent lots of time worrying, fretting, controlling...no path to peace there. </p><p></p><p>So this is maybe my only path to peace or that which I have inherited or taken on, whatever the reason. This is my path and the one I will have so again...acceptance of that. </p><p></p><p>I so agree that this is my spiritual journey, mine alone, and that my precious difficult child has his own as well. I see in my mind's eye the image of him, walking away down a forest path, his back to me, with God in His human form, yes the old bearded man with a long flowing white road, a bit taller, straighter, stronger than my son, his arm around his shoulders, talking softly to him, and they are both walking away from me. </p><p></p><p>This is my comforting, mental image of my son's very necessary and I hope, ultimately, good for him, spiritual journey.</p><p></p><p>Maybe the comparative ugliness is within me, not outside me, with dramatic, loud, noisy actions like his---jail, arrests, homelessness, but mine is this: arrogance, control, pride, requirements and expectations. Isn't that just as ugly, just as corrupting, just as bitter? I think it is. I so so see myself in sync with him, not the same thing of course, much different but perhaps the same amount of work to do. That full time job that will take me the rest of my life and beyond to complete, leaving me no time, no time to worry and meddle in someone else's life---if only I can DO it, I can stay the course. </p><p></p><p>Yes, detachment, acceptance, then more detachment, more acceptance...going deeper and further.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am growing in this, I feel it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619623, member: 17542"] RE...i am going to print out your entire post because I am learning from everything you said. Yes guns are blasting, sometimes they are silent for a day or a month, then blasting again. My job is to find peace in the middle of the war zone and also during the fragile cease-fires when he is in jail, "somewhere" like rehab, occupied for a time, not for me, but I can regain my strength during those times. Peace. Strangely, I never knew it before I was on this journey, even when things were "normal". Then, I spent lots of time worrying, fretting, controlling...no path to peace there. So this is maybe my only path to peace or that which I have inherited or taken on, whatever the reason. This is my path and the one I will have so again...acceptance of that. I so agree that this is my spiritual journey, mine alone, and that my precious difficult child has his own as well. I see in my mind's eye the image of him, walking away down a forest path, his back to me, with God in His human form, yes the old bearded man with a long flowing white road, a bit taller, straighter, stronger than my son, his arm around his shoulders, talking softly to him, and they are both walking away from me. This is my comforting, mental image of my son's very necessary and I hope, ultimately, good for him, spiritual journey. Maybe the comparative ugliness is within me, not outside me, with dramatic, loud, noisy actions like his---jail, arrests, homelessness, but mine is this: arrogance, control, pride, requirements and expectations. Isn't that just as ugly, just as corrupting, just as bitter? I think it is. I so so see myself in sync with him, not the same thing of course, much different but perhaps the same amount of work to do. That full time job that will take me the rest of my life and beyond to complete, leaving me no time, no time to worry and meddle in someone else's life---if only I can DO it, I can stay the course. Yes, detachment, acceptance, then more detachment, more acceptance...going deeper and further. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am growing in this, I feel it. [/QUOTE]
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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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