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Slogging through the in home therapy....
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 218848" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Ropefree, </p><p> </p><p>Enmeshed is the clinical term for what you are being told you are experiencing. It QUICKLY raised the hair on the back of my neck and became one of my LEAST favorite words in the English language. Sounded more like a fish in a net or a bunch of stuff wadded up ugly - not a term that is favorable to describle a single mother, her son and their relationship. </p><p> </p><p>HOWEVER....(ugh) here's the hard part for me to admit. THEY were rrr....darn....rrrrrrrrrrrrr.....hold on lemme get it out.....rrrr.rrrrrrr.......right. My child, his problems, his schedule, his day, his medicines, his behaviors, his school, his clothes, his lunch, his well being, his friends, his bike his everything.....became ME because.....(huge duh here) WHO ELSE WAS THERE? </p><p> </p><p>I was really angered by the use of the word when I found out what it meant. REALLY angry - it was like "Ok oh I see - all these years NO ONE steps up to help, I did it the best way I could and knew how and NOW I'm not doing it right?" (needle across a record noise and crickets chirping) </p><p> </p><p>WHO IN THE BLUE MOON did they think they were to tell me anything? I knew it best, I knew him the most, I knew everything about him, I know when he sleeps, when he eats, where he is and then.......it HIT me like a ton of bricks.....all this time and energy on my son - and none for anything else. Not myself (let myself go) not my friends (if I had any left all I did was (@$)(*% ABOUT my kids problems), and there wasn't anything else. </p><p> </p><p>Changing that isn't as hard as it sounds. Accepting that? WEeeeeeeeew whole other story. And now it's been nearly 8 years since I first heard those words or SAW on his chart at the state mental hospital "Mother is too close to child." I thought - WHAT? What do they mean it's too close? I'm his dang Mom. And then they told me I couldn't come twice a day. (do you believe tha audacity?) now I laugh. Twice a day - OMG I had such guilt. </p><p> </p><p>I think ESPECIALLY when you only have one and you feel like you are survivors.....it does make it feel like it's you and your kid against the world. For us it was reality. But truly even at 10 I was told we were too close...and it hurt. I was hanging on to him because I (not him) had nothing else. I became obsessed with him, and smothered him and didn't even know it. Once I got into therapy and started letting go? We really began to have a healthy Mother / Son relationship. When you are totally dependent on each other it doesn't teach a child how to reach out to the world. </p><p> </p><p>It's one of the hardest things I had to learn but well worth it for proper emotional growth and lesson in standing on your own two feet. I have been told that Mothers of children with disabilities are more likely to end up enmeshed - but learning how to have a life outside of your childs behaviors and all that entails isn't hard if you care to work with a good therapist. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this lets you know ya aren't alone. </p><p> </p><p>Hug</p><p>hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 218848, member: 4964"] Ropefree, Enmeshed is the clinical term for what you are being told you are experiencing. It QUICKLY raised the hair on the back of my neck and became one of my LEAST favorite words in the English language. Sounded more like a fish in a net or a bunch of stuff wadded up ugly - not a term that is favorable to describle a single mother, her son and their relationship. HOWEVER....(ugh) here's the hard part for me to admit. THEY were rrr....darn....rrrrrrrrrrrrr.....hold on lemme get it out.....rrrr.rrrrrrr.......right. My child, his problems, his schedule, his day, his medicines, his behaviors, his school, his clothes, his lunch, his well being, his friends, his bike his everything.....became ME because.....(huge duh here) WHO ELSE WAS THERE? I was really angered by the use of the word when I found out what it meant. REALLY angry - it was like "Ok oh I see - all these years NO ONE steps up to help, I did it the best way I could and knew how and NOW I'm not doing it right?" (needle across a record noise and crickets chirping) WHO IN THE BLUE MOON did they think they were to tell me anything? I knew it best, I knew him the most, I knew everything about him, I know when he sleeps, when he eats, where he is and then.......it HIT me like a ton of bricks.....all this time and energy on my son - and none for anything else. Not myself (let myself go) not my friends (if I had any left all I did was (@$)(*% ABOUT my kids problems), and there wasn't anything else. Changing that isn't as hard as it sounds. Accepting that? WEeeeeeeeew whole other story. And now it's been nearly 8 years since I first heard those words or SAW on his chart at the state mental hospital "Mother is too close to child." I thought - WHAT? What do they mean it's too close? I'm his dang Mom. And then they told me I couldn't come twice a day. (do you believe tha audacity?) now I laugh. Twice a day - OMG I had such guilt. I think ESPECIALLY when you only have one and you feel like you are survivors.....it does make it feel like it's you and your kid against the world. For us it was reality. But truly even at 10 I was told we were too close...and it hurt. I was hanging on to him because I (not him) had nothing else. I became obsessed with him, and smothered him and didn't even know it. Once I got into therapy and started letting go? We really began to have a healthy Mother / Son relationship. When you are totally dependent on each other it doesn't teach a child how to reach out to the world. It's one of the hardest things I had to learn but well worth it for proper emotional growth and lesson in standing on your own two feet. I have been told that Mothers of children with disabilities are more likely to end up enmeshed - but learning how to have a life outside of your childs behaviors and all that entails isn't hard if you care to work with a good therapist. Hope this lets you know ya aren't alone. Hug hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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