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General Parenting
So apparently he is coming home on Wednesday
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 528517" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Thank you for the responses! I agree that he is likely only coming home because his girlfriend's parents are tired of him. He told me last week they had sort of given him 2 weeks to get his act together. He also told me in the same conversation that if he needed to stay with them until the end of June he could do that too. ????? Well, which is it. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, husband and I really like the counsellor. She is good. Fair but firm. She agrees that we are entitled to run our home the way we see fit and our rules apply - no explaining or justification necessary. I like that. Don't think difficult child will but that's too bad for him. </p><p></p><p>I think he feels like he has the control here when in fact he doesn't. I'm just letting him show me who he is and I'm believing him. For example - he stole the money from the pledges for the 30 Hour Famine. He thinks its funny - I think he's never getting any more money from me and I'd better make sure nobody leaves any money laying around the house or he'll steal it. </p><p></p><p>Keista - you are so right about kids not having boundaries. difficult child doesn't - nothing seems to embarrass him. He went out for dinner last night with his aunts, cousins, my parents and my husband and I and didn't seem the least big ashamed of his previous behaviour or the situation that our family is in right now. If I was him I would have been mortified if I knew that they were aware of what had happened. </p><p></p><p>As for the rules - he has agreed to the rules that we had set out before he left - so I guess I just have to take him at face value and believe him until he proves otherwise. One thing I did compromise with was the cell phone. We had taken it away from him because he ran the bill up to $260 one month and $140 in 2 other months - 3 strikes. Anyway, I agreed to let him carry the phone when he is out with friends so that he has no excuse not to get in touch with me and let me know where he is and no excuses for being late either. Otherwise the cell phone will be in my possession. So he only gets the cell phone when I need to be able to get in touch with him - I don't care if he has it to talk to his friends. And it will NOT be locked with a passcode of any sort. I pay that bill. </p><p></p><p>Other than that husband and I have agreed to treat him more like a young adult (which he is) living in our home. Right now he probably thinks that is great - what he's going to find out is that he will have much more responsibility put on him and yet will still have to answer to us for inappropriate behaviour and disrespect. Might be a wake up call for him. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 528517, member: 14356"] Thank you for the responses! I agree that he is likely only coming home because his girlfriend's parents are tired of him. He told me last week they had sort of given him 2 weeks to get his act together. He also told me in the same conversation that if he needed to stay with them until the end of June he could do that too. ????? Well, which is it. Anyway, husband and I really like the counsellor. She is good. Fair but firm. She agrees that we are entitled to run our home the way we see fit and our rules apply - no explaining or justification necessary. I like that. Don't think difficult child will but that's too bad for him. I think he feels like he has the control here when in fact he doesn't. I'm just letting him show me who he is and I'm believing him. For example - he stole the money from the pledges for the 30 Hour Famine. He thinks its funny - I think he's never getting any more money from me and I'd better make sure nobody leaves any money laying around the house or he'll steal it. Keista - you are so right about kids not having boundaries. difficult child doesn't - nothing seems to embarrass him. He went out for dinner last night with his aunts, cousins, my parents and my husband and I and didn't seem the least big ashamed of his previous behaviour or the situation that our family is in right now. If I was him I would have been mortified if I knew that they were aware of what had happened. As for the rules - he has agreed to the rules that we had set out before he left - so I guess I just have to take him at face value and believe him until he proves otherwise. One thing I did compromise with was the cell phone. We had taken it away from him because he ran the bill up to $260 one month and $140 in 2 other months - 3 strikes. Anyway, I agreed to let him carry the phone when he is out with friends so that he has no excuse not to get in touch with me and let me know where he is and no excuses for being late either. Otherwise the cell phone will be in my possession. So he only gets the cell phone when I need to be able to get in touch with him - I don't care if he has it to talk to his friends. And it will NOT be locked with a passcode of any sort. I pay that bill. Other than that husband and I have agreed to treat him more like a young adult (which he is) living in our home. Right now he probably thinks that is great - what he's going to find out is that he will have much more responsibility put on him and yet will still have to answer to us for inappropriate behaviour and disrespect. Might be a wake up call for him. :) [/QUOTE]
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So apparently he is coming home on Wednesday
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