<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Washington, D.C.
December 14, 2007
Dear Hapless Peon,
We regret to inform you that all of you and your extended family's personal information, including Social Security numbers, bank account information, credit card accounts, Personal Identification Numbers (PINs), computer passwords, scrapbooks, secret code words, garage door opener codes, closet skeletons, and detailed information on embarrassing personal indiscretions dating back to your great-great-grandparent's generation may have been inadvertently compromised when our main central composite database, "Big Brother", was hacked by criminal elements including the Mafia, the Yakuza, Master Telemarketing Inc., and 16 distinct spam-bot networks. It is believed that system security was compromised when one of our employees accidentally divulged the secret master password, "PASSWORD123", to a man who approached the employee on the street and asked, "Suppose I wanted to hack into the main database, how, exactly, would I go about that? Oh by the way, I'm not a criminal or anything." The employee, thus misled, had no reason to be suspicious and answered, "Oh, that's easy. Just use the secret master password. Everybody knows it: it's PASSWORD123. Not case sensitive. That was the default when the system was installed and we haven't gotten around to changing it yet, but it is scheduled for early 2012, so anybody who wants to hack in had better do it before then. Don't tell any criminals."
While we believe that the secret master password, "PASSWORD123", has not been divulged to any other unauthorized personnel, the possibility exists that the information obtained by the mystery man may be put to use for non-legitimate purposes, such as robbing you blind. Therefore we suggest that you watch your accounts closely, and in the event that you are robbed blind, write down "I was robbed blind" on an 8 1/2 X 11 sheet of unlined white paper, with a list of all personal information including Social Security numbers, bank account information, credit card accounts, Personal Identification Numbers (PINs), computer passwords, scrapbooks, secret code words, garage door opener codes, closet skeletons, and detailed information on embarrassing personal indiscretions dating back to your great-great-grandparents generation, and mail to us via US Postal Service ("snail mail"). We will file this information in a large metal filing cabinet. After you have filed proper notification of having been robbed blind per the preceding instructions, your total liability under the law for fraudulent activity using your information will be limited to your entire earnings and your children's earnings to the seventh generation. Should you fail to properly notify us as above, you will of course be liable for all fraudulent activity conducted under your name with no limit on said liability, no matter how many millions, billions, or trillions it may be. Sorry about that.
to be you, dude.
Rest assured that this agency is doing everything possible to protect and maintain your information. Besides changing the secret master password, "PASSWORD123", to something else, like, oh, I don't know, my wife's initials and birthday (which would be "DLC1012"), we are increasing physical security as well. All persons entering our facility will be asked to "pinky-swear" that they are not going to do anything "naughty". These new stringent security measures will be implemented on an aggressive schedule, beginning no later than March 15, 2010.
Again, our apologies for the mix-up, and we really really hope you don't get robbed blind. Well, we don't actually care, but we have to make it sound like we do.
Sincerely,
United States Large Impersonal Government Agency (USLIGA)
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