So I get a call from difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jan 3, 2012.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    background- there are 2 group homes in this area and both are run by the same agency that difficult child is being assigned to. I advocated for the one that puts difficult child in a school district that would help him most academically. The PO (really - his super because she has taken over this case) did finally agree to check into that after I brought attny on board but - we'll see- I don't know if this is another bogus process that really is just setting us up for disappointment or not because they will put him in whatever they want, I'm sure. Anyway, the director had a VC with difficult child today for his 'interview' to see if he would go to that GH. difficult child said he tried to be agreeable and was compliant, but the guy was saying they had a basketball hoop and difficult child doesn't play basketball; they occasionally play tag football- difficult child doesn't do that either. difficult child swims- do they ever do that- no. They go to YMCA twice during the summer, nothing in the winter, but the front door is always unlocked. difficult child said the man referred to it as a dispositional place (meaning a place a juvenile is sentenced to), and that's where it gets sticky legally because difficult child has already done his sentenced time. Anyway, difficult child said it would be different if this was for the last 6 mos of his sentence or something but this is on top of it.

    Yeah, I know. I filled him in on my efforts but did reiterate that I think a gradual transition would be better for him- but not another long term sentence. The goal was to slow it down so we'd feel more comforatble, he wouldn't be as likely to 'go wild', and he'd have a better chance- he said he understood that- but that isn't what this is- yeah and that's why I'm going to ask a judge to review it.

    He ended up saying he'd rather stay where he is and might just refuse to leave. Honestly, I can see why. They swim several times in the summer- have their own pool- are much more likely to stick to policy and the rewards/consequences stuff instead of reneging when a kid earns something, he's already used to it, he feels safer, etc. Of course that doesn't help him transition out- it's just that I can see where a long term placement like that after doing all that time incarcerated would really squelch any hope a person has. I think he's sitting there feeling like "then why did I do all this in here for the past 17 mos"? And he's already figured out there's no way he'd get out in 3 mos- so he shares the same "BS" feeling I do toward PO and super now. (I swear I'll never figure out why they think it's a good idea to BS people like that.)

    I think he told the director what he wanted to hear- but my guess is that if I can't get a judge to lower the requirements for ever getting out, we're headed for more problems. Especially when difficult child runs, PO throws him in detention, and difficult child says "good, just recommit me". I know full-well that difficult child has done his share to get himself where he is and that there have been stresses and faults of my own that contributed- but I really don't think the people in the system at the local level get the concept of helping a difficult child/family transition back ITRW.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I have no patience today for all this nonsense in life...not just your situation as you know.... I just HATE that these kids are so low on the totem pole. No thought into what their stupid decisions are going to do to these kids in the long run. I know our situation is just a blip compared to what your son is going through. My heart breaks for him... for you......
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    My heart breaks for you and your difficult child, too, Buddy. Our situations are very different but neither is 'just a blip', so don't ever think that. I hurt for you and yours, too.

    thank you for caring. I think I was still adding to my original post to vent more when you posted.

    I had to spend several mins talking difficult child out of reoffending now, still in a Department of Juvenile Justice facility, just to keep himself there. That shows a lot to me. I told him to just maintain- don't get into trouble there because any judge would throw it out if he gets in trouble there now. I told him to just get himself released from there and I'll be seeing what I can do in the meantime. It will be a whole lot easier to get something done after he's back in this jurisdiction- if I can get it before a judge soon enough.
  4. HighlyStressed

    HighlyStressed New Member

    Please, someone, i am new here. What is difficult child?
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    "Gift from God" (or your Higher Power- however you want it defined), meaning the child that brought us here- please feel free to start a thread in this forum to let us know a little about yourself and remember, it's kept anonymous. Welcome!
  6. HighlyStressed

    HighlyStressed New Member

    Thank you klmno. I started a thread a few minutes ago.