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So, I'm going to say this out loud
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 358224" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>It is sort of letting them figure it out. Letting natural consequences happen. Even if it means her mother is not as 'close' to her due to her being disrespectful. Detach. Focus your energy only on safety issues (skipping school, computer use with strangers or cell phone, sexual acting out, etc.). I even detached from showering and brushing teeth. I figured if she smelled she would get told. She did not. I told her a few times that I did not want her to sit on my couch being as dirty as she was. Didn't phase her really. </p><p> </p><p>React as you would to anyone else treating you this way. Pull away. Walk away. Don't engage. It is a natural consequence. My difficult child learned only on her own. I call her 'parenting resistant'. Because she resisted every single thing I tried. It is HARD let me tell you. Even when she got mouthy in front of other people I walked away. There was just no point in saying anything. It only escalated to a bad place. Never did it result in her learning anything. Why waste my time? Homework - I stopped mentioning it mostly. If I did it was just a reminder, "don't forget your homework". If I asked I got some sort of mean response. </p><p> </p><p>I tailored my house to be non-combative. It went against EVERY fiber of my being. It took a long time for me to accept what I was doing. </p><p> </p><p>I will tell you that I just had the BEST Mother's Day EVER. Not one ounce of attitude, not even an eye roll. I like her again. It is probably due to her getting older. But, you know what - we survived. She did hear my advice through the years. The advice I gave as I walked by her and kept going so there was no confrontation. The advice I asked others to give her for me. </p><p> </p><p>I didn't parent the way I wanted to or believed I would or maybe how I should have. I non-parented. And it got us through. She graduated. Is not pregnant. Has a job. Earned the use of my car. Doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs. Is going to college, sort of (not great there, but her problem, not mine).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 358224, member: 391"] It is sort of letting them figure it out. Letting natural consequences happen. Even if it means her mother is not as 'close' to her due to her being disrespectful. Detach. Focus your energy only on safety issues (skipping school, computer use with strangers or cell phone, sexual acting out, etc.). I even detached from showering and brushing teeth. I figured if she smelled she would get told. She did not. I told her a few times that I did not want her to sit on my couch being as dirty as she was. Didn't phase her really. React as you would to anyone else treating you this way. Pull away. Walk away. Don't engage. It is a natural consequence. My difficult child learned only on her own. I call her 'parenting resistant'. Because she resisted every single thing I tried. It is HARD let me tell you. Even when she got mouthy in front of other people I walked away. There was just no point in saying anything. It only escalated to a bad place. Never did it result in her learning anything. Why waste my time? Homework - I stopped mentioning it mostly. If I did it was just a reminder, "don't forget your homework". If I asked I got some sort of mean response. I tailored my house to be non-combative. It went against EVERY fiber of my being. It took a long time for me to accept what I was doing. I will tell you that I just had the BEST Mother's Day EVER. Not one ounce of attitude, not even an eye roll. I like her again. It is probably due to her getting older. But, you know what - we survived. She did hear my advice through the years. The advice I gave as I walked by her and kept going so there was no confrontation. The advice I asked others to give her for me. I didn't parent the way I wanted to or believed I would or maybe how I should have. I non-parented. And it got us through. She graduated. Is not pregnant. Has a job. Earned the use of my car. Doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs. Is going to college, sort of (not great there, but her problem, not mine). [/QUOTE]
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