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General Parenting
So much for computer privileges ... it didn't work
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 368737" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I TOTALLY understand. I was told, and still AM told, that taking away all computer access from my son was not appropriate. Several people, even here, have tried to convince me that is was "mean" or even "cruel" because it was a source of comfort to him. Well, it may have been but it was NOT, and is NOT an appropriate source of "comfort". Taking it away completely was the ONLY enforceable limit. If he had even 15 min of access he would then lie, cheat and even steal to be able to get it. Taking a door off the hinges or using a screwdriver on a lock would have been perfectly reasonable in HIS mind. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child NOW tells me that taking it away completely was the ONLY way to get him to eventually see that he COULD find other ways to entertain himself. Ways that did NOT involve a screen of some kind. He actually went so far as to force my parents to remove the computer privileges by repeatedly hacking them, and the school, and any other network he could get ahold of. To me, and me alone, he has admitted to stealing $$ to get a computer game that he could get online with and then lying about where he got it. He blamed the missing $$ on Jess and to this very day my parents/gfgbro believe she is a thief. NOTHING she can ever do will EVER convince them she is not. Even difficult child admitting to the thefts that they blame on her will not change their mind at this point. She was 10-12 at the time of the thefts and NEVER had ANY $$ that was not accounted for. Heck, when she found $$ in the washer she rarely kept it for herself. She would bring it to me every time. If she kept it it was because I told her to, that whoever left it in their pants (even me) should have checked them and it can damage the washer so they don't get it back. This was never for more than a couple of dollars, less than $5. He is very remorseful about this now that he sees the damage it causes for her.</p><p></p><p>Stick to your guns. It may be a very long time, if ever, that he is able to control his compulsion to use the computers. I honestly feel that many people, even here, have NO idea what it can be like to have a child who will go to these lengths to get onto the internet. When he pays his own bills and buys his own computer he can monitor his usage. Generally the need to earn money to pay for the internet and the computer will put SOME limits on an adult. Until then, let him do without, at least at home. </p><p></p><p>It will NOT NOT NOT hurt him in the least. As he has shown by thwarting net nanny and usage limiting programs in the past, there are no ways to limit his usage other than to keep him completely off the computer that will work.</p><p></p><p>My son never really lost the "urge" to be on the computer, but when he was completely banned from it he could keep away from it at home. After about 10 days the whining and pleading and tantrums over the loss of the computer subsided.</p><p></p><p>{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}</p><p></p><p>as for babysitting a 13yo, I completely empathize. It is a horrible job and there are very few people you could even pay to do it, regardless of how much you paid them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 368737, member: 1233"] I TOTALLY understand. I was told, and still AM told, that taking away all computer access from my son was not appropriate. Several people, even here, have tried to convince me that is was "mean" or even "cruel" because it was a source of comfort to him. Well, it may have been but it was NOT, and is NOT an appropriate source of "comfort". Taking it away completely was the ONLY enforceable limit. If he had even 15 min of access he would then lie, cheat and even steal to be able to get it. Taking a door off the hinges or using a screwdriver on a lock would have been perfectly reasonable in HIS mind. My difficult child NOW tells me that taking it away completely was the ONLY way to get him to eventually see that he COULD find other ways to entertain himself. Ways that did NOT involve a screen of some kind. He actually went so far as to force my parents to remove the computer privileges by repeatedly hacking them, and the school, and any other network he could get ahold of. To me, and me alone, he has admitted to stealing $$ to get a computer game that he could get online with and then lying about where he got it. He blamed the missing $$ on Jess and to this very day my parents/gfgbro believe she is a thief. NOTHING she can ever do will EVER convince them she is not. Even difficult child admitting to the thefts that they blame on her will not change their mind at this point. She was 10-12 at the time of the thefts and NEVER had ANY $$ that was not accounted for. Heck, when she found $$ in the washer she rarely kept it for herself. She would bring it to me every time. If she kept it it was because I told her to, that whoever left it in their pants (even me) should have checked them and it can damage the washer so they don't get it back. This was never for more than a couple of dollars, less than $5. He is very remorseful about this now that he sees the damage it causes for her. Stick to your guns. It may be a very long time, if ever, that he is able to control his compulsion to use the computers. I honestly feel that many people, even here, have NO idea what it can be like to have a child who will go to these lengths to get onto the internet. When he pays his own bills and buys his own computer he can monitor his usage. Generally the need to earn money to pay for the internet and the computer will put SOME limits on an adult. Until then, let him do without, at least at home. It will NOT NOT NOT hurt him in the least. As he has shown by thwarting net nanny and usage limiting programs in the past, there are no ways to limit his usage other than to keep him completely off the computer that will work. My son never really lost the "urge" to be on the computer, but when he was completely banned from it he could keep away from it at home. After about 10 days the whining and pleading and tantrums over the loss of the computer subsided. {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} as for babysitting a 13yo, I completely empathize. It is a horrible job and there are very few people you could even pay to do it, regardless of how much you paid them. [/QUOTE]
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So much for computer privileges ... it didn't work
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