So much for No Bullying

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    So much for the no tolerance of bullying policies. thank you has consistently had a problem with bullies this year. PART of it, in the classroom at least, is that he is a bit of a show off with regard to academics. We are working on this.

    On the playground he is bullied because he is not as athletic as other kids. The kids also know he will not hit back or first or ever.

    We have told him to tell a teacher. Many times. Today he says that it is useless to tell. A playground monitor (working to get a name or description out of him) had the NERVE to say this to him, "Is your name Michael Jackson? No? Well then quit your whining and go play.".

    I am stunned and confused. He did his part. Didn't hit. Told a teacher. Used his words even after he was very upset

    What does MJ have to do with thank you being bullied? Why did this ever get said to my child?

    thank you does not want to tell us the name. I am going to call school anyway. He will problem tell Jess the name and that will be helpful.

    GRRRR. Don't poke this mama bear.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What does MJ have to do with Whining? HUH?

    I am lost.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey! You can throw some "legal weight" around! If he's feeling threatened or bullied, he's no longer getting FAPE- therefore since both the staff and students are violating his FEDERAL rights this could be a real "smudge" on the schools record!

    Stand tough Mama Bear! ;)

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What Laws Apply to Disability Harassment[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Prohibited Disability Harassment, letter from the Office for Civil Rights (OCR) and the Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services (OSERS) in the U.S. Department of Education. Disability harassment can have a profound impact on students, raise safety concerns, and erode efforts to ensure that students with disabilities have equal access to the myriad benefits that an education offers. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"States and school districts also have a responsibility under Section 504, Title II, and the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), which is enforced by OSERS, to ensure that a free appropriate public education (FAPE) is made available to eligible students with disabilities. Disability harassment may result in a denial of FAPE under these statutes. Parents may initiate administrative due process procedures under IDEA, Section 504, or Title II to address a denial of FAPE, including a denial that results from disability harassment. Individuals and organizations also may file complaints with OCR, alleging a denial of FAPE that results from disability harassment. In addition, an individual or organization may file a complaint alleging a violation of IDEA under separate procedures with the state educational agency. State compliance with IDEA, including compliance with FAPE requirements, is monitored by OSERS' Office of Special Education Programs (OSEP)." Read the letter. [/FONT]
  4. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Gosh, that burns me. I hope you get some satisfaction and results!

    I'm in the EXACT same boat with my easy child and her school. She doesn't intentionally show off but her grades are always top of her class. She has won highest academic achievement in her school since grade 1 (She's in grade 5 now). She just loves school. She is also well behaved. It is just the norm for her, ingrained in her being. She can't break rules. Doesn't talk in class. Listens to authority. She's then labelled a goody goody etc. Its like her fate or something. She couldn't break a rule if she wanted to, which she just doesn't want to.

    She wants so badly to make friends. Yet she's a hockey playing tomboy in a class (and school) of girly girls from very rich homes. Although we are low income, our district is in the wealthy part of town so the kids are uber spoiled and pampered. Truly I feel like instead of northern Canada I'm living in a Manhattan socialite world sometimes with these moms and their kids. Even the kids who live easy child, often only play with her when certain ring leaders are away ill (or more often, gone from school multi times a year for lavish holidays in parts far far away). Then they get their leaders back and she is person non gratis.

    She is a huge target. She has known these kids since she first started school (JK). Its pathetic how it continues. She does the right thing too. They know she wont' hit first, or at all. Last year she did shove a boy back that hit her, landed him on his butt. He never bugged her again, but the torch is always passed along Know what I mean?? She tells the monitors or teachers. Nothing gets done. Even repeat offenders, despite the zero tolerance policy (what a crock that is) and despite our provincial laws that dictate the response to bullying and violence at school (which mean nothing when not enforced) get at most a call for their mommies to come in.

    I've heard: X is just a high strong boy, he didn't know what he was doing was actually HURTING her (after he bit her and drew blood). Y reacted badly to his peers goading him into this behaviour and has been spoken to and it won't happen again (but it did, over and over). Z was put out that when your daughter brought cupcakes and their were extras, she didn't pass one to Z. Z felt your daughter didn't like her and reacted poorly when she retaliated by throwing your daughter into that wall. She realizes it was a mistake and will apologize. (which Z did, apologize. Then about 3 weeks later put gum in easy child's long hair and laughed saying maybe she'd now cut it all off instead of wearing it long in a pony tail, and find a "Style" that doesn't scream lesbian).

    Never have I seen a suspension over any of these things. easy child is desperate to leave this school which we can't do until we move. We were going to wait for S/O's military posting in 2 years, but just yesterday I phoned a local property management company that runs a division of property rentals that I've always admired and is in a school district where I know this kind of level of **** doesn't go unnoticed or undisciplined.

    I wish you the best of luck. Zero tolerance should mean zero tolerance.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I wish I were surprised. There's all kind of press about no bullying but the reality is that it is rampant. When I was PTO President I even volunteered to get parent support on the playground. Not.

    I'm sorry thank you is having that unneeded stress and hope that you get some kind of validation for him. Often I have wondered if there was some way to find other parents with the same problem so a united front could get something done. I didn't have peers since I was older and my friends who were volunteering with me didn't have imperfect kids. Good luck. DDD
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    WOW.....(impressed by NVTS) GOOD JOB GAL.....


    I think I'd print out what NVTS gave you and go to school. That crack was inappropriate. At the least? Unprofessional....but if this person is having a bad's about to get a little worse.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Does anyone get the reference to MJ?

    Other than manbe being dead would give him the right to whine????

    Go mama bear. Go eat some prick(ly pears...)
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I don't understand the Michael Jackson reference either. Perhaps his high-pitched voice? Regardless, that playground monitor was WAY out of line. I think that Nvts is right Susie. Throw some legal weight around. We did this when one of difficult child's EAs was bullying him. He was dismissed from the school.

    I have noticed that schools seem VERY bad at dealing with bullying. It's almost as though the adults never learned how to deal properly with bullying. Just like the children in the playground, they don't want to stand up to the bully lest they get to be a target themselves, so they side with the bullies and bystanders.

    But they're supposed to be the grown-ups. They're supposed to be keeping the children safe from schoolyard bullying, rather than participating in it.

    Completely unacceptable. I'm livid on your and thank you's behalf.
  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I don't get the MJ reference. Even if it was explained what the comparison actually meant, it has no place in a school yard and in a conversation with a student who is asking for help.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    More info from thank you. It often takes Jessie to get him to tell us the entire story. She just has a way, and for many years she handled bullies or her friends did, esp on the bus where bullying was rampant. (One of Jessie's friends is a severe difficult child but has a really sweet heart. She scares the other kids when she gets mad and she took thank you under her wing so the bus ride got a LOT better. )

    Our principal usually is very effective when problems come up. This year cutbacks mean no one answers the phone most of the time so getting to talk to him is tough. Going in after school is not useful as he has to be right out front to handle the kids/parents/bus lines. (Again, not enough staff.) He even fills in teaching classes when no sub can be found or someone has to leave unexpectedly.

    The kids are calling Tyler a "homo" and other ugly words meaning that he is homosexual. Apparently that is where the MJ comment stemmed from. The person who said it is a lunch and playground monitor and she has said it more than once. A LOT more. So thank you feels that there is no reason to tell someone because no one is going to do anything.

    Thanks Beth! That is an awesome thing to have. I may well file based on this.

    Hopefully we can get this resolved so that the kids stop and this adult is GONE. She does not need to be around children. Period.

    thank you has no idea why MJ would be related to his problem. Knows who he is from recent tv stuff, but that is all.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    I want blood! That monitor needs to be taken down. How can anyone get away with that? Please keep us in the loop with this issue. I'm sorry our thank you is having his innocence stripped away so young.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Called school today. Principal is out all week. Cannot fault him - emergency appendectomy.

    So I spoke to the real power in the school, his secretary. Mrs. R is AWESOME! She also ADORES Tyler and Jessie both! She was upset that the kids were bullying him. Nothing was reported to the office and she knows his teacher very well. If it had been reported to the teacher there would be a bully report and the office would know.

    I explained that after being told what he was told by the playground monitor he didn't go to other adults because he thought it was a new policy and all adults would say the same thing. (can you say Theory of the Mind, anyone? Those Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) traits sure are there in thank you. But he so far does not need any other interventions. The school mostly just "gets" kids like this and they do fine there.

    Mrs. R is going to have thank you's teacher talk to him to help get names of the kids involved and to figure out which adult told him that. (thank you has no idea who Michael Jackson is or why his name was mentioned.) They will find the kids and make them stop. They will also figure out what the monitor said and get her straightened out too!

    As I said, Mrs. R is the real power, so having the principal out is not a big deal.

    I will keep you posted.
  13. ML

    ML Guest

    Mrs R rocks! We could all use someone like her in our schools.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Ditto. DDD
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Michael Jackson......did tremendous things for a lot of very ill children and you never heard a single thing about it because he NEVER TOLD ANYONE. He was a fantastic entertainer, extremely shy, adopted 2 children, died too young and was very misunderstood. Despite what anyone ever thought of him I'm glad he's finally at peace. So if that is her reference except for the passing away part? WOW thanks for the compliment.
  16. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I hate bullying
    keep us posted
    I love Mrs. R as well!
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Love Mrs R. I'm a bit concerned that the class teacher is unaware of this though. Why haven't other kids spoken up? This sort of stuff would be known to many of the other kids in class, even if they're not the bullies. They need to be empowered to speak up, but that monitor's attitude is probably one reason the other kids also feel afraid to support a fellow student.

    One important point - playground monitors should be/would be on a roster. All you have to do is say on what day it happened, and the person responsible will be easily determined. So if thank you doesn't want to tell, instead ask him which day it happened.

    We have a strong anti-bullying campaign happening in Sydney at the moment. There have been a series of different groups - newspapers, TV networks - using an Aussie singer, Kate Miller-Heidke, who wrote an anti-bullying song based on a true event from her own schooldays. Here is a link - it also gives a link to the song and video clip. Watch it.


  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I got a call from the class teacher today. She spoke with thank you and finally figured it out. Turns out it happened while waiting for the bus on several occasions. That means a different set of people will be spoken to.

    The assist principal is speaking to all parties. School seems to have a great handle on this and so far I am confident that they will work to make it stop, including adding extra monitors to lunch recess and the bus lines after school.

    The teacher felt the comment was terribly out of line and said the AP also felt this way. Even though thank you does not understand why anyone brought up MJ, the mention of a slur of this type is not acceptable.

    The other kids did not tell the teachers because the ringleaders are older and threatened them. That I did not know about, but the school seems to be on top of that also.

    Thanks everyone. Brighter days are ahead for thank you!
  19. ML

    ML Guest

    Yes! Bless his sweet heart. Please hug him for me, Sus. Love, ML