So not happy right now!!

[Wiped Out]

I should never have jinxed myself last week by posting how well easy child/difficult child was doing!

For the last 3 days I have been asking her to wash just a few dishes. Of course, it keeps building but even now it isn't that much. She says she shouldn't have to because this isn't her house. When I told her then maybe it was time to pay us rent or move out. She screamed that she doesn't have enough money to and that she guessed she would have to go to live in the cold park and get hypothermia and then I would feel guilty for the rest of my life and she would never talk to me because it would be my choice she would move out. Never mind, that I am giving her the choice of doing a few dishes. She is also very mad because I took the remote away from her. ARGH!!!! Just when it seemed like progress was being made-SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

Then she said she would just leave them because Dad would get tired of seeing them and do them himself. Next she changed to she would ask him to help and she knew he would. I said that was sad because he isn't feeling well. I warned him she was going to ask. She did and he ended up saying he would! Soooooo...... now I'm not happy with either person. I know husband can't stand the conflict and he knows even though I don't like it I will follow through so he ends up doing it. I know that is how he is and I do get he really can't stand the conflict but I really wish he wouldn't have decided to help her.

Now she just asked me why I was so upset with her??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

She also told me she if having trouble counting her money (which by the way she was doing for about 45 minutes obsessively) and she needs to see a doctor. I don't understand and I am too upset to ask about it.

 

[buddy]

Sorry! What is it with this board? I am starting to think the oppositional energy is getting into it, and then just when you want to say something is good...BAM the opposite hits....

Well I guess the truth of it is that almost by definition, our difficult children will have these ups and downs. She sounds pretty much like she wants her cake and to eat it too...and why not??? Dad serves it up nicely.

HUGS Sharon, you are always so supportive and amazing... I wish she would just do the dumb dishes and not create all the drama for a day or so!

 

[Bunny]

We're having one of those nights, too. There must be something in the air. I hope that it gets better for you.

 

[StressedM0mma]

So are we. I have been trying for an hour and a half to get difficult child to wake up. No luck. Now she will be up all night. Maybe I will just let her sleep on the chair and go to school stinky. I don;t much care at this point. So much for that Math homework.

 

[DaisyFace]

Sharon--

I totally feel for you...

In fact, the reason I am checking in here tonight is that I am aggravated with my OWN difficult child about doing the &*^! dishes. Seems like she can never "fit" all the dishes in the dishwasher....so once again, the dishwasher was run half-full and a stack of dishes that "didn't fit" is still sitting on the counter. PLUS I have learned that the counters cannot be wiped if there is anything on them (yep, that's right - it just can't be done!). So I have a dinner table with napkins and things still left on it from dinner...and because the napkins are still sitting there - the table CANNOT be wiped down because difficult child wouldn't know what to do with the napkins.

--sigh--

Like your husband, I will get aggravated looking at it and somehow *I* will be able to figure out that the dirty napkins can be (shocker!) thrown away, and then I will wipe down the table myself. No - it's not a lesson for difficult child by my gosh! Why should I have to live like a slob just because I live with a slob?

So sorry you are going through this, too!

(((hugs)))

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear! Sounds familiar, especially, "It's not my house," or "I didn't make that mess. Why should *I* have to clean it up?"

Taking away difficult child's phone and the TV cord has done wonders for us. He rages for a day and then starts doing chores. I hate the transitional part. It's like taking alcohol away from an alcoholic and they get the DTs and rage. No kidding.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Ummm... the dishes thing is a totally typical, typical teen thing. Just like... practicing music, doing homework, and cleaning your room.
difficult children might push the reaction a bit farther, but the end result wouldn't be much different.
Even parents of TTs complain about this one.

I'm learning to NOT ask for a specific chore. Ever. (that sequence = blowup of some sort)
Instead... I drop a list on the table after supper... (before anyone leaves the table) that lists the things that need to "get done around here"... and each person has to pick TWO chores to do in the next 3 hours.

I'm getting less pushback (not zero... that wouldn't be normal, either).

 

[timer lady]

Wiped, I feel your pain....

kt is now home & the kitchen is hers to clean. I have a checklist of how to do things & when. kt still cannot follow thru & finish; I end up doing it myself because I cannot tolerate a dirty kitchen.

Saying that, kt is giving me all the same arguments easy child/difficult child is giving you. It's all so very old.

 

[susiestar]

(((((hugs)))))

My mom solved this one. Leaving the dishes more than a day or two meant she took and rubbed them into your sheets/blankets or your favorite clothes. And she did NOT let you take over the washer if she needed or wanted to use it then. You had to wait until it was convenient FOR HER to get her laundry out and to let you use the machines. Or you could go and pay the laundromat to use their machines. She didn't care but you were not using HER vehicle. And if my father had done that? She would have rubbed them onto HIS side of the bed.

My mom played dirty sometimes, but we learned to not push too hard. Or to find things she wasn't noticing to push on.

I don't know that it would help your situation. I just know that she did it and it took once with me and twice with gfgbro. Of course she let his dishes get moldy the second time. Actually put them in a box in the spare room for a week so they WERE moldy and gross and then rubbed them into his bedding and left them there.

 

[Wiped Out]

Ladies,
Thanks for understanding. Her sense of entitlement just amazes me (I know it's not unusual). I think she was really upset the other night that I wouldn't "bite" on any of her comments meant to induce guilt. When she was making her arguments I just said calmly that yep, I would be sad if she never talked to me again but that in the end it would still boil down to the choices she made. When she said she had a stupid mom, I just yep, you're right but you still have to help around the house, etc...

She was in a better mood yesterday but why wouldn't she be now that the "work" was over.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

I really like how you handled the situation. It gets my difficult children so angry when I don't take the bait too. easy child/difficult child 3 acts much the same way as your easy child/difficult child. Wish we had that instruction manual on raising kids, lol... We would be rich and able to buy an island for all of us to escape to... Guess I'll just have to keep dreaming... SFR

 

[myeverything04]

I remember when we were little and my mom was sooo tired of trying to get us kids to do dishes or anything so you know what she did? She assigned each of us one set of silverware, one plate, one cup and one bowl. When it was dirty, we either washed it or didn't have anything to eat with! I'm not sure if that would be too much for your child (not very familiar with the situation) but that is what happened in our house. We each also got 2 towels and when your towels were dirty, you washed them or you had stinky towels!

 

[crazymama30]

The sense of entitlement gets me too, does not matter if it is normal or not, it is ugly. hugs, and I hope she can pull it together.

 

[TerryJ2]

Myeverything04, GREAT idea on your mom's part!

Susiestar, ROFL! That is great! "My mom solved this one. Leaving the dishes more than a day or two meant she took and rubbed them into your sheets/blankets or your favorite clothes."

 

[DammitJanet]

Myeverything, I saw that method on a show with a fairly big family who had an awful time keeping dishes and silverware always getting dirty and no one wanting to keep up with their days and suddenly dishes being done then in the middle of the Mr Nobody getting up and using dishes and then dishes were dirty again in the morning. So the mom put a stop to it.

She got these glass plates that were also somewhat bowl shaped so they could also be used with stews or soups. Or even ice cream, though she said normally they had ice cream cones. They all took glass paint and wrote their names on the back side underneath the plates and then coated them with a shellac that would not come off in water or the dishwasher. They also got color coordinating silverware. that was it. All other dishes got put up. Everyone washed their own dishes after each meal.