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So worried about my 5-year old son (long) need help
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<blockquote data-quote="aallwine" data-source="post: 266651" data-attributes="member: 7283"><p>Hello I am new here,</p><p> </p><p>I have been dealing with almost exactly this same issue for quite some time. My boys are twins also. One has been diagnosed with Autism (and other medical problems) and is doing amazingly well. The other is a complete terror. They are now 8 yers old and we have been dealing with constant violence, bullying, aggression, mind games, manipulation, lying, and so much more for about 5 years. It has been impossible to get any help for this child. He continually gets worse every day and I seem to be the only one who can see through him. He plays some amazing mind games with people. We finally got a preliminary diagnosis today! They are saying he has Conduct Disorder. Yipee, I am not crazy!</p><p> </p><p>I have not found anyhting that helps so far. I do know that giving into a child like this is a very bad idea. You absolutely have to be stronger than they are. We learned long ago that any kind of discipline could be turned around by our son to gain control over us. For instance, the more we put him in the corner for his bad behavior, the more he misbehaved so that he had control over every second of our day. </p><p> </p><p>How we have decided to deal with it is to try to arm our other two children with tactics to keep them from feeling bullied by him. Doing anything we can think of to take control of any kind away form him. And just plain having more willpower than he does. I am a fairly creative person. My son was complaining the other day that everyone was controlling his life and we had no right because he was the adult. Alrighty then, young man. So, we set up a new plan. Now, he has to check out his clothes form us every single day since he likes to walk around in filthy clothes and tell people we won't get him any clothes. All privileges have been taken away. No television, no playing outside, no nothing until he can earn them. The no televison is indefinate at this point. And until he can stop throwing rocks at people, he just can not play with them. We are sick of it. So, he is really bummin' now. He is quite angry at the moment and I remind him every day of why he is still on this plan every single time he shows that he can not act the way he is supposed to. </p><p> </p><p>We dealt with the same potty training issues. I was mean and would not let him wear diapers or anything. Eventually he got potty trained through a very long horrendous fight. He used to hold it so he could have "accidents" in his pants in the stores. That was his way of making us leave the store for him. We figured thast out quickly and made him wear his wet pants as they were instead of quickly changing him. He no long has his "accidents" in the stores. Now, he pulls other stuff. He likes to scream that he is being beaten in the store if we hold his hand. He is such a lovely child. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite5" alt=":confused:" title="Confused :confused:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":confused:" /> I now say things like "I am really enjoying your bad behavior in this store. I love it when you try to embarrass me." I get a lot of strange looks but it settles him down until we leave. He pouts because he lost his game. </p><p> </p><p>I didn't ever have time to be depressed. I had three kids to take care of. All three with heart conditions. One with seizure and who screamed 24 hours a day. And one who was constantly sick from acid reflux. So, I know it is not caused by anything that I did. This child has been a bit strange from the very start, we just didn't realize it since he brother was constantly screaming and keeping us on our toes. You can not blame yourself for something that your child was born with. </p><p> </p><p>We have tried every book we could get our hands on, ever approach we could find. Apparently our son is quite different from other children. He truely enjoys negative attention. He likes to come home with stories about how many kids he beat up that day. For awhile I thought they were true and got on the teacher for not dealing with the issues. Come to find out, he is making up the stories. According to him, it is because he hates me and wants me to die. These are not things you would normally hear form an 8 year old. We have come to the conclusion that he is the "Evil Genius" of the family. ha ha. Gotta have some humor. Anywho, he says that if he irritates me enough, I will either die or run away. I told him "Good luck with that. I'm tougher than you and you can not make me go anywhere." Apparently, I am gonna have a run for my money with this one. Two great kids out of three, isn't bad though. My other two are excellent. I worry about how his terrible behavior affects them. This IS a kid who knows right from wrong, and this IS a kid who chooses how he behaves. When he meets new people he can be a perfect angel for them. We have seen him play this "good boy" game for up to three months. </p><p> </p><p>So, I know how you feel. I also know that I will be dealing with this for the rest of his life. I have accepted that there is very little that I can do. Hopefully I got lucky this time and the new doctor will help us find ways to either deal with it or help him. I am beyond the thought that he can actually get help at this point. Once upon a time, I truely thought he could be helped. Now, I need to focus on not allowing him to hurt the other children physically or emotionally. And not allowing him to hurt us. We have a strong family and we need to keep it that way, whether he likes it or not. I am truely sorry for all of you that are dealing with the same issues. I am glad that we finally have some kind of diagnosis. That makes me feel better. I think I am that one percent who has let go and said "The rest of my family is more important. If he wants to make these choices, then so be it. But I will protect the rest of my family." Our new doctor believes that he is quite brilliant and has the perception of a child 3-5 years older. Based on the things he says and does, I am sure that is very true. That is my story, sorry if it wasn't helpful. Just wanted you to know you were not alone. Good luck with your son. I hope things get better and you are able to find a solution.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aallwine, post: 266651, member: 7283"] Hello I am new here, I have been dealing with almost exactly this same issue for quite some time. My boys are twins also. One has been diagnosed with Autism (and other medical problems) and is doing amazingly well. The other is a complete terror. They are now 8 yers old and we have been dealing with constant violence, bullying, aggression, mind games, manipulation, lying, and so much more for about 5 years. It has been impossible to get any help for this child. He continually gets worse every day and I seem to be the only one who can see through him. He plays some amazing mind games with people. We finally got a preliminary diagnosis today! They are saying he has Conduct Disorder. Yipee, I am not crazy! I have not found anyhting that helps so far. I do know that giving into a child like this is a very bad idea. You absolutely have to be stronger than they are. We learned long ago that any kind of discipline could be turned around by our son to gain control over us. For instance, the more we put him in the corner for his bad behavior, the more he misbehaved so that he had control over every second of our day. How we have decided to deal with it is to try to arm our other two children with tactics to keep them from feeling bullied by him. Doing anything we can think of to take control of any kind away form him. And just plain having more willpower than he does. I am a fairly creative person. My son was complaining the other day that everyone was controlling his life and we had no right because he was the adult. Alrighty then, young man. So, we set up a new plan. Now, he has to check out his clothes form us every single day since he likes to walk around in filthy clothes and tell people we won't get him any clothes. All privileges have been taken away. No television, no playing outside, no nothing until he can earn them. The no televison is indefinate at this point. And until he can stop throwing rocks at people, he just can not play with them. We are sick of it. So, he is really bummin' now. He is quite angry at the moment and I remind him every day of why he is still on this plan every single time he shows that he can not act the way he is supposed to. We dealt with the same potty training issues. I was mean and would not let him wear diapers or anything. Eventually he got potty trained through a very long horrendous fight. He used to hold it so he could have "accidents" in his pants in the stores. That was his way of making us leave the store for him. We figured thast out quickly and made him wear his wet pants as they were instead of quickly changing him. He no long has his "accidents" in the stores. Now, he pulls other stuff. He likes to scream that he is being beaten in the store if we hold his hand. He is such a lovely child. :confused1: I now say things like "I am really enjoying your bad behavior in this store. I love it when you try to embarrass me." I get a lot of strange looks but it settles him down until we leave. He pouts because he lost his game. I didn't ever have time to be depressed. I had three kids to take care of. All three with heart conditions. One with seizure and who screamed 24 hours a day. And one who was constantly sick from acid reflux. So, I know it is not caused by anything that I did. This child has been a bit strange from the very start, we just didn't realize it since he brother was constantly screaming and keeping us on our toes. You can not blame yourself for something that your child was born with. We have tried every book we could get our hands on, ever approach we could find. Apparently our son is quite different from other children. He truely enjoys negative attention. He likes to come home with stories about how many kids he beat up that day. For awhile I thought they were true and got on the teacher for not dealing with the issues. Come to find out, he is making up the stories. According to him, it is because he hates me and wants me to die. These are not things you would normally hear form an 8 year old. We have come to the conclusion that he is the "Evil Genius" of the family. ha ha. Gotta have some humor. Anywho, he says that if he irritates me enough, I will either die or run away. I told him "Good luck with that. I'm tougher than you and you can not make me go anywhere." Apparently, I am gonna have a run for my money with this one. Two great kids out of three, isn't bad though. My other two are excellent. I worry about how his terrible behavior affects them. This IS a kid who knows right from wrong, and this IS a kid who chooses how he behaves. When he meets new people he can be a perfect angel for them. We have seen him play this "good boy" game for up to three months. So, I know how you feel. I also know that I will be dealing with this for the rest of his life. I have accepted that there is very little that I can do. Hopefully I got lucky this time and the new doctor will help us find ways to either deal with it or help him. I am beyond the thought that he can actually get help at this point. Once upon a time, I truely thought he could be helped. Now, I need to focus on not allowing him to hurt the other children physically or emotionally. And not allowing him to hurt us. We have a strong family and we need to keep it that way, whether he likes it or not. I am truely sorry for all of you that are dealing with the same issues. I am glad that we finally have some kind of diagnosis. That makes me feel better. I think I am that one percent who has let go and said "The rest of my family is more important. If he wants to make these choices, then so be it. But I will protect the rest of my family." Our new doctor believes that he is quite brilliant and has the perception of a child 3-5 years older. Based on the things he says and does, I am sure that is very true. That is my story, sorry if it wasn't helpful. Just wanted you to know you were not alone. Good luck with your son. I hope things get better and you are able to find a solution. [/QUOTE]
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