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Someone please help.............
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<blockquote data-quote="2ODD" data-source="post: 419713" data-attributes="member: 11582"><p>When kids are enraged, it is difficult to deal with. The first important thing that you need to do us make sure that the other kids are in a safe place. Remove the audience. Make sure you husband is in another room but within ear shot. </p><p></p><p>Stay calm. Calmness is very important. When you engage in battle, they have you where they want you. If you can't stay calm, you need to walk away. Remember, your home can be repaired but you only get one chance to raise your child. </p><p></p><p>Try to redirect her. I try to use humor but that doesn't always work. Find something to divert her attention if you can. </p><p></p><p>Give her a safe spot. Someplace that she is allowed to go to calm herself down. Of course, she may not always go there. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right. My sons spot is in his room but sometimes he wants to go to my room. How do I get him there? I hold his hands above his head so that he can't injure me and calmly say, you are going to your safe place until you calm down. DO NOT cone out until I tell you to. Yes, he screams and throws his bed around but that can be repaired. </p><p></p><p>Once he has calmed down and sufficient time has passed, sometimes its even the next day, I calmly revisit the situation. We talk about better ways that it could be handled. I give him options. We talk about what he was feeling. Then break it down so that he can recognize what's happening to him and what he is feeling step by step. I provide the feeling words for him because sometimes kids can't come up with them themselves. </p><p></p><p>So what happens the next time a rage happens? You calmly remove everyone from the room. You calmly remind her of what steps you talked about and you calmly remove her to her safe spot. </p><p></p><p>This us not going to work the first time. It's going to be met with resistance but keep doing it. It may take 100 tries before it works. </p><p></p><p>Now, should she get away with bring distructive? No. Yes, there are consequences for actions. She won't agree with them but it gas to be approached when you are both calm. If she gets mad, so be it. Walk away, revisit later. Once you have made it clear what the consequences are, make sure that you follow through. There is no waiverring. Consistency is going to help you. Yup. She's going to argue, rant and rave about how unfair it is. Do not give in. They love weakness. </p><p></p><p>Most importantly is positive reinforcement. It's hard. Every little thing that she does right, you have to thank her, tell her how good she was, whatever it takes. When my son remembers to use manners, I thank him for using good manners. When he makes a good choice, I tell him how proud I am of him for that choice. </p><p></p><p>Schedule is another issue. It's important that they have a schedule. Let your daughter have input in her schedule. It gives her some power over her own life. It also makes it easier for her to know what's coming next. Give reminders to her 15 minutes before, 10 minutes before, 5 minutes before it's time to move to something else and tell her how great it was that she did it. Offer a small reward like 5 extra minutes of video games or something. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if this gas helped you or not. It's what has worked for me. </p><p></p><p>There is an underlying reason for her spinning out of control since her biological father has returned. Her life probably seems out of control to her. Confusion with the entrance of the man that is her real father. The desire to get to know him better which she needs to push you away to do. The need to be "protected" by the man that was supposed to be doing it all along and so she needs to create a circumstance to force that to occur. I don't have the answer. These are just speculations. </p><p></p><p>Take care. You are in my thoughts. I know what you are going through. </p><p></p><p>Prayers to you, </p><p>2ODD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2ODD, post: 419713, member: 11582"] When kids are enraged, it is difficult to deal with. The first important thing that you need to do us make sure that the other kids are in a safe place. Remove the audience. Make sure you husband is in another room but within ear shot. Stay calm. Calmness is very important. When you engage in battle, they have you where they want you. If you can't stay calm, you need to walk away. Remember, your home can be repaired but you only get one chance to raise your child. Try to redirect her. I try to use humor but that doesn't always work. Find something to divert her attention if you can. Give her a safe spot. Someplace that she is allowed to go to calm herself down. Of course, she may not always go there. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right. My sons spot is in his room but sometimes he wants to go to my room. How do I get him there? I hold his hands above his head so that he can't injure me and calmly say, you are going to your safe place until you calm down. DO NOT cone out until I tell you to. Yes, he screams and throws his bed around but that can be repaired. Once he has calmed down and sufficient time has passed, sometimes its even the next day, I calmly revisit the situation. We talk about better ways that it could be handled. I give him options. We talk about what he was feeling. Then break it down so that he can recognize what's happening to him and what he is feeling step by step. I provide the feeling words for him because sometimes kids can't come up with them themselves. So what happens the next time a rage happens? You calmly remove everyone from the room. You calmly remind her of what steps you talked about and you calmly remove her to her safe spot. This us not going to work the first time. It's going to be met with resistance but keep doing it. It may take 100 tries before it works. Now, should she get away with bring distructive? No. Yes, there are consequences for actions. She won't agree with them but it gas to be approached when you are both calm. If she gets mad, so be it. Walk away, revisit later. Once you have made it clear what the consequences are, make sure that you follow through. There is no waiverring. Consistency is going to help you. Yup. She's going to argue, rant and rave about how unfair it is. Do not give in. They love weakness. Most importantly is positive reinforcement. It's hard. Every little thing that she does right, you have to thank her, tell her how good she was, whatever it takes. When my son remembers to use manners, I thank him for using good manners. When he makes a good choice, I tell him how proud I am of him for that choice. Schedule is another issue. It's important that they have a schedule. Let your daughter have input in her schedule. It gives her some power over her own life. It also makes it easier for her to know what's coming next. Give reminders to her 15 minutes before, 10 minutes before, 5 minutes before it's time to move to something else and tell her how great it was that she did it. Offer a small reward like 5 extra minutes of video games or something. I don't know if this gas helped you or not. It's what has worked for me. There is an underlying reason for her spinning out of control since her biological father has returned. Her life probably seems out of control to her. Confusion with the entrance of the man that is her real father. The desire to get to know him better which she needs to push you away to do. The need to be "protected" by the man that was supposed to be doing it all along and so she needs to create a circumstance to force that to occur. I don't have the answer. These are just speculations. Take care. You are in my thoughts. I know what you are going through. Prayers to you, 2ODD [/QUOTE]
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