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Someone please help.............
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<blockquote data-quote="2ODD" data-source="post: 419867" data-attributes="member: 11582"><p>Have you read Setting the Limits; Your Defiant Child; or The Explosive Child? They are all worth a read. If siblings are involved, I also recommend Sibling Abuse. Good books and another good place to start. </p><p></p><p>Are you aware of her triggers? Does she have one main one or is it one layering on top of another?</p><p></p><p>In our house, it's my husband but there have been rare ocurrences of a kid saying something mean at school layered on top with the gym teacher criticizing a free throw shot followed up by a kid making fun of something that he likes then coming home and supper isn't what he wanted. Layering like that can cause the explosions too. Unfortunately, we can't be there 24 hours a day to see what things are going on so that we can be prepared when they cone home. It's also unfortunate that there's a lot of things that kids just don't tell us and keep bottled up inside that are released in rages. </p><p></p><p>When teachers at school notice that something is bothering him or there's been a tiff, they call me. I advise them on how to proceed and then I have an idea of what I will be faced with when he comes home. </p><p></p><p>We also need to take the emphasis off of punnishment and turn it toward reward. Don't think material. Think positive attention. Kids do really want to please parents it just that they don't always know how or, sometimes we forget to acknowledge the successes. </p><p></p><p>Yes, sometimes we have to use consequences. Sometimes we luck out and they get to be natural consequences. You punch a wall, you break your knuckle. Hard lesson to learn but nothing more needs to be said. Other times, we have to step up to the plate. You break the window, you pay restitution. </p><p></p><p>A lot of what we say and how they react is in the words that we choose. Consequences instead of punnishment. It has a less negative sound. Think of more positive sounding words and add them to your vocabulary. </p><p></p><p>Hope that this helps a little.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2ODD, post: 419867, member: 11582"] Have you read Setting the Limits; Your Defiant Child; or The Explosive Child? They are all worth a read. If siblings are involved, I also recommend Sibling Abuse. Good books and another good place to start. Are you aware of her triggers? Does she have one main one or is it one layering on top of another? In our house, it's my husband but there have been rare ocurrences of a kid saying something mean at school layered on top with the gym teacher criticizing a free throw shot followed up by a kid making fun of something that he likes then coming home and supper isn't what he wanted. Layering like that can cause the explosions too. Unfortunately, we can't be there 24 hours a day to see what things are going on so that we can be prepared when they cone home. It's also unfortunate that there's a lot of things that kids just don't tell us and keep bottled up inside that are released in rages. When teachers at school notice that something is bothering him or there's been a tiff, they call me. I advise them on how to proceed and then I have an idea of what I will be faced with when he comes home. We also need to take the emphasis off of punnishment and turn it toward reward. Don't think material. Think positive attention. Kids do really want to please parents it just that they don't always know how or, sometimes we forget to acknowledge the successes. Yes, sometimes we have to use consequences. Sometimes we luck out and they get to be natural consequences. You punch a wall, you break your knuckle. Hard lesson to learn but nothing more needs to be said. Other times, we have to step up to the plate. You break the window, you pay restitution. A lot of what we say and how they react is in the words that we choose. Consequences instead of punnishment. It has a less negative sound. Think of more positive sounding words and add them to your vocabulary. Hope that this helps a little. [/QUOTE]
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