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Son, 19, arrested 2 nights ago--I'm just learning of pot issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 440153" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Feeling Helpless, </p><p></p><p>Hello! welcome to the board! You know, I would be tempted if I were a betting person to impose a small wager that the majority of parents who have read your post did read it then sat back and thought; I WISH that were the only thing going wrong in my son/daughters life. Is she SERIOUS? This is her big crisis? Smoking pot? The kid is in college, he gets up every morining, makes his bed, is pleasant to the family, actually takes a shower, goes to school, lives at home, tested negative for alcohol. I mean wow what you have to the majority of the parents here is a near perfect child. Doesn't seem that way to you does it? You listed your name as 'Feeling Helpless' so I would assume from this, you are very stressed out. In contrast from Mom to Mom if I were to tell you the things that have gone on in my sons' life? (insert chuckle) I wonder if you would even ever speak to me. Interestingly enough here we both are sharing a read for a moment in time, probably never to meet and I'm happy to offer you any help I can. Anyone on this board would be - more will be along soon I'm sure sometimes it's just hard to look at a situation like this and not compare, but when you feel it's a serious problem as a parent or it rocks your world, and you start thinking OMG "pot the gateway drug" sometimes you need to know that all is not lost. </p><p></p><p>I am amazed at your ability to get right to the crux of the problem. A lot of parents don't. Some just see this as no big deal, others go extreme or overboard and scare the bejeebers out of their kid and go with totalitarian parenting. FWIW? I think what you've done up to now? Is exactly the right thing. You've let him know you're aware of the problem, you're NOT going to bail him out of it, but you're not going to just ignore this problem either. You are detaching from the money aspect and making him be responsible for his actions. He's stated that he doesn't want to stop. Well I've seen a few of the people here state they smoked pot when they were in college and there's nothing wrong with it, or they grew out of it. I know a lot of people did. My problem with the marijuana of today is that it's not what it was years ago. It's a lot stronger. I dont' smoke, but I know people that have grown it (past tense) and they told me that the stuff that is out now is very potent and more addicting. I don't know personally if that's true or not. I'm inclined to believe because the stuff I smell on kids today as they pass me makes me sick. It doesn't have that 'hippy' oh you smoked a doobie smell. It's nearly vomitous, strong, reeks of strong, pot smoke smell. </p><p></p><p>My suggestion to all of this is get EDUCATED. Find out from people that DID stop what worked for them to make them stop. My life got turned upside down by drugs inadvertently and when I was looking for answers it was suggested that I go to Alanon meetings. I went to those, Narcotics Anon., Cocaine Anon., Alcoholic Anon. and the one that I personally seemed to get the most out of were the Cocaine and the Narcotics Anon. meetings. The people in those meetings were former drug abusers and recovering drug abusers, so many weeks/months/years sober/clean. From them? I learned the fine art of detachment and what would and would not fly in the face of someone who was using. What my tears and rages being spilled out were wasted on. What finally I needed to do to save myself and my son. Ultimately what saved our lives. Extreme for you I know - but maybe something in those meetings will click for you, or maybe you'll meet just one person that will say SOMETHING or one MAGIC word or sentence that will hit you like a ton of bricks and make sense equating to your situation with your son, and give you the motivation to either do or NOT do something relating to him. Whatever it may be. It could be that you meet someone you introduce him to that would have had a brilliant career and now is a street beggar. You just never know. </p><p></p><p>Somewhere in all these advices; I really want you to know I think you are a wonderful Mom!! Keep up your rest, and health...IF YOU NEED to talk to someone outside your family? Do NOT HESITATE to seek a counselor or therapist for yourself. KIDS and their problems are stressful. Trying to lean on your husband, your friends, and your co-workers? Can DRIVE THEM AWAY.....they should NOT NOT NOT be your BI%CHING buddies - EVER....about your family problems - They will tell you "Oh come to me ANYTIME -ANYTIME." and outside - they say it - Inside? they're hoping you go to ANYONE about Jr. OTHER than them and eventually? They'll start making excuses to NOT meet you for lunch or dinner engagements - or movies - So please take my advice - and find a therapist - and go once a week - and talk to someone that can help you help yourself on a professional level with some GOOD SOLID PROFESSIONAL advice - it is worth it's weight in gold to keep a happy YOU, Happy Marriage and happy friends. This I know for sure. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 440153, member: 4964"] Feeling Helpless, Hello! welcome to the board! You know, I would be tempted if I were a betting person to impose a small wager that the majority of parents who have read your post did read it then sat back and thought; I WISH that were the only thing going wrong in my son/daughters life. Is she SERIOUS? This is her big crisis? Smoking pot? The kid is in college, he gets up every morining, makes his bed, is pleasant to the family, actually takes a shower, goes to school, lives at home, tested negative for alcohol. I mean wow what you have to the majority of the parents here is a near perfect child. Doesn't seem that way to you does it? You listed your name as 'Feeling Helpless' so I would assume from this, you are very stressed out. In contrast from Mom to Mom if I were to tell you the things that have gone on in my sons' life? (insert chuckle) I wonder if you would even ever speak to me. Interestingly enough here we both are sharing a read for a moment in time, probably never to meet and I'm happy to offer you any help I can. Anyone on this board would be - more will be along soon I'm sure sometimes it's just hard to look at a situation like this and not compare, but when you feel it's a serious problem as a parent or it rocks your world, and you start thinking OMG "pot the gateway drug" sometimes you need to know that all is not lost. I am amazed at your ability to get right to the crux of the problem. A lot of parents don't. Some just see this as no big deal, others go extreme or overboard and scare the bejeebers out of their kid and go with totalitarian parenting. FWIW? I think what you've done up to now? Is exactly the right thing. You've let him know you're aware of the problem, you're NOT going to bail him out of it, but you're not going to just ignore this problem either. You are detaching from the money aspect and making him be responsible for his actions. He's stated that he doesn't want to stop. Well I've seen a few of the people here state they smoked pot when they were in college and there's nothing wrong with it, or they grew out of it. I know a lot of people did. My problem with the marijuana of today is that it's not what it was years ago. It's a lot stronger. I dont' smoke, but I know people that have grown it (past tense) and they told me that the stuff that is out now is very potent and more addicting. I don't know personally if that's true or not. I'm inclined to believe because the stuff I smell on kids today as they pass me makes me sick. It doesn't have that 'hippy' oh you smoked a doobie smell. It's nearly vomitous, strong, reeks of strong, pot smoke smell. My suggestion to all of this is get EDUCATED. Find out from people that DID stop what worked for them to make them stop. My life got turned upside down by drugs inadvertently and when I was looking for answers it was suggested that I go to Alanon meetings. I went to those, Narcotics Anon., Cocaine Anon., Alcoholic Anon. and the one that I personally seemed to get the most out of were the Cocaine and the Narcotics Anon. meetings. The people in those meetings were former drug abusers and recovering drug abusers, so many weeks/months/years sober/clean. From them? I learned the fine art of detachment and what would and would not fly in the face of someone who was using. What my tears and rages being spilled out were wasted on. What finally I needed to do to save myself and my son. Ultimately what saved our lives. Extreme for you I know - but maybe something in those meetings will click for you, or maybe you'll meet just one person that will say SOMETHING or one MAGIC word or sentence that will hit you like a ton of bricks and make sense equating to your situation with your son, and give you the motivation to either do or NOT do something relating to him. Whatever it may be. It could be that you meet someone you introduce him to that would have had a brilliant career and now is a street beggar. You just never know. Somewhere in all these advices; I really want you to know I think you are a wonderful Mom!! Keep up your rest, and health...IF YOU NEED to talk to someone outside your family? Do NOT HESITATE to seek a counselor or therapist for yourself. KIDS and their problems are stressful. Trying to lean on your husband, your friends, and your co-workers? Can DRIVE THEM AWAY.....they should NOT NOT NOT be your BI%CHING buddies - EVER....about your family problems - They will tell you "Oh come to me ANYTIME -ANYTIME." and outside - they say it - Inside? they're hoping you go to ANYONE about Jr. OTHER than them and eventually? They'll start making excuses to NOT meet you for lunch or dinner engagements - or movies - So please take my advice - and find a therapist - and go once a week - and talk to someone that can help you help yourself on a professional level with some GOOD SOLID PROFESSIONAL advice - it is worth it's weight in gold to keep a happy YOU, Happy Marriage and happy friends. This I know for sure. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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Son, 19, arrested 2 nights ago--I'm just learning of pot issues
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