son acting out sexually

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by desertangel11, Jan 30, 2012.

  1. desertangel11

    desertangel11 New Member

    Ok I really don't know how to start or anything. I am going crazy right now. I have no idea what to do. I just found this site when I was looking up what to do. So hopefully this helps me. Ok here is go with my problem.

    Last night when I sent my boys to bed. They sure a bed right now until i bed the money for matters for their bunk beds. Well I went into their bedroom to check on them I found my five year old without his pants and underwear on, and my six year old touching. I was so mad I spared them. I made my five year old sleep in my one year old bedroom, and put them baby in bed with me. When I told my mother about it she told me when she had them the night before that the five year told her he wanted to sleep in his underwear so she let him,and next she knows he had his underwear off touching himself.I have been looking up everything today. I keep finding that it is common for autism kid so acted out sexually. My five year old is very special needs. he is a high function autism, Arnold Chiari, deaf in his right ear, and going blind in his left eye. A lot of me wants to believe it is cus of the autism just because I don't wanna believe my babies was hurt. Sorry if I sounds scrambled. I am just so confused, hurt, sick to my stomach, I just wanna curl up in a ball n cry. I just don't know what to do or think.
  2. pajamas

    pajamas Member

    Can you help understand a little more about what was going on and your boys' backgrounds? Boys touching themselves is normal at this age (and even younger). Touching a brother might just be curiousity, too, unless you think there was more going on such as one making the other do something he didn't want to, or if either was abused or exposed to sexual behavior in the past (and depending on how he was touching). Have you thought of asking your pediatrician what s/he thinks? This may not be "acting out" in the way the web sites etc. mean it.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Of course you know if there have been any situations when you look back (alone with someone, changes in behavior etc...) but yes, he likely just figured out it felt good and kids with autism have no boundaries. Kids that age without autism have poor boundaries that way. He may have asked the older one to do it even... if it felt good he may have had no inhibition about wanting someone to touch him.... they may have even thought it was funny. For sure supervise etc. use social stories with pictures (not explicit but mayer johnson pics do have "naked" pics to help teach.... to start to teach about privacy, only touch when alone or however you want to explain it. in my humble opinion it is important not to make them feel ashamed but to learn boundaries. You may need to explain to the 6 year old to come and tell you so you can help cue the younger one with autism on more appropriate behavior. It will be a process.

    Of course if you for even a second think there has been abuse (not every kid who figures out how to touch themselves or engages in normal exploratory play with a close in age sib...esp with no one forcing the other...has seen it to learn it, or has been exposed to someone hurting them etc... ) make sure you do what you can to investigate.

    If you can at least get a mattress for them to sleep separate it will be safer for now.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Actually it's not common for autistic kids to act out sexually. I agree that we need to know more about their backgrounds. Have they ever been sexually abused? What was his early history like? What about his father? Is he in the picture? What is he like? Was this the first time you caught them? Did either of them look upset? Was the five year old trying to push the six year old away? Any crying? What was their demeanors like?
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh my gosh, I have worked in multiple places where the kids with autism (and other disabilities) have their hands in their pants at all the way through adulthood.... they just dont get it... girls will rock on things etc... to stimulate themselves. For sure can be a stimulant for them. But I agree with this guy we dont know the whole story.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, buddy. Then I am thinking of high functioning autism. The kids I've known do not do that. but I don't have any contact with lower functioning autistic kids. Of course, touching oneself is not the same as acting out on somebody else either. The rocking...also I don't see this in the higher functioning kids. My son did that when he was a toddler but he long ago outgrew it. We really do need more information here...
  7. desertangel11

    desertangel11 New Member

    their father is not in the picture. He was in the oldest ones until I founded out I was pregnant. I can't think of anything abuse happening. If so that only time is when they would go over to their grandmothers house for the weekend. I know their aunts was abuse when they was little. So maybe they did something to them. I really do not now. But that was when we lived in Michigan. We just moved back to Nevada so I can have some help from my mother. Yes this was the first time I caught them. When I caught them there was no crying or anything. They just looked surprised. The six year told me later that he didn't want to his brother grabs his hand on put it there. I asked him was this the first time or has his brother done it before. He told me it was the first time he made him but not the first time the five has touched himself in the bed. I asked the five years old about it, and she said it is mostly the autism. Because a lot of her autistic kids do it. She has sent us to a behavior doctor to find out for sure. For now she told me not to even let them int he room together.
  8. SocRocks

    SocRocks New Member

    Even normal kids can and do this. You really just need to talk to the both of them about their body parts, and when it is okay and not okay to touch, and that they should not touch each other. Keep them sleeping apart. Most of all this is normal and don't stress out about it to much.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Depends on the one with autism... talking may not be anything that works. Kids with autism are at the mercy of their sensory needs and often stimulant or do things that just make them feel good. Very hard to work on these behaviors.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think lots of little kids touch themselves and if they are sharing a bed, things like this will happen. I know when I was that age a bunch of us little kids got together out in the woods and played doctor and "I'll show you mine if you will show me yours". There was lots of touching going on too. We were curious. Many of us were only kids and that was the first time we saw the opposite sex.
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    One of my very good friends walked in on her step son having his hands down the pants of her son - they were tweens and no other problems whatsoever. I do think it happens and most parents are probably unaware. I would agree with having them sleep separately. Maybe put the baby in your room with you, and let them sleep in separate rooms.