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son is scared of me
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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 437667" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>Adults are pretty big so it's scary when they yell. I remember feeling scared when I thought my parents were losing it. It wasn't so much the screaming, but the uncertainly of "if they've lost it enough to yell, what might they do to me next?" But we learn by example and I am sad to say that I, too, yell way too much. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I did sometimes say, "I need to not be around people for a while. I'm going to go calm down" which of course only worked if husband was around to monitor the children. There is nothing wrong with a self-imposed time out. [I overheard my son once ask his father, "Can Mommy come out now?"]</p><p></p><p>I know I used to scare my kids sometimes when they were younger. I hated myself if they looked scared. I finally asked them a few times, "What do you really think is going to happen? All is do is yell." [Once, I got the smart answer of "you might kill me" but I assured them them that if I were going to do that, I would have done it already, so they really didn't need to worry about that. Also that I've invested too much time and money into them to get rid of them, so they were stuck with me.] As they got older, they really did see that all I do is yell. I don't even throw things ... and I grew up with a lot of things flying through the air, and people being chased, trapped, and whacked. I explained all that to them. </p><p></p><p> I really think the fear is the uncertainty of what could happen and after we talked through that a few times, they understood that yelling did not necessarily mean "completely out of control and I should fear for my life". That said, difficult child did have (still has a little) some sensory issues and loud noises (other than the ones he generated) bothered him a lot. That was one reason I'd try to walk away before yelling, too. </p><p></p><p>Good luck. It's hard to break the yelling habit. You really might try talking to your child about what exactly he's afraid of. Putting it into words and then being reassured might help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 437667, member: 2960"] Adults are pretty big so it's scary when they yell. I remember feeling scared when I thought my parents were losing it. It wasn't so much the screaming, but the uncertainly of "if they've lost it enough to yell, what might they do to me next?" But we learn by example and I am sad to say that I, too, yell way too much. Yes, I did sometimes say, "I need to not be around people for a while. I'm going to go calm down" which of course only worked if husband was around to monitor the children. There is nothing wrong with a self-imposed time out. [I overheard my son once ask his father, "Can Mommy come out now?"] I know I used to scare my kids sometimes when they were younger. I hated myself if they looked scared. I finally asked them a few times, "What do you really think is going to happen? All is do is yell." [Once, I got the smart answer of "you might kill me" but I assured them them that if I were going to do that, I would have done it already, so they really didn't need to worry about that. Also that I've invested too much time and money into them to get rid of them, so they were stuck with me.] As they got older, they really did see that all I do is yell. I don't even throw things ... and I grew up with a lot of things flying through the air, and people being chased, trapped, and whacked. I explained all that to them. I really think the fear is the uncertainty of what could happen and after we talked through that a few times, they understood that yelling did not necessarily mean "completely out of control and I should fear for my life". That said, difficult child did have (still has a little) some sensory issues and loud noises (other than the ones he generated) bothered him a lot. That was one reason I'd try to walk away before yelling, too. Good luck. It's hard to break the yelling habit. You really might try talking to your child about what exactly he's afraid of. Putting it into words and then being reassured might help. [/QUOTE]
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