Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Son is totally out of control
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 481689" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Well, your life and mine overlap so much. Really can relate to so much of what you are saying....</p><p></p><p>1. yes, can you imagine having so much to express and the areas of your brain that allow you to retrieve information, put ideas together, pick vocabulary, formulate a sentence then execute the sentence could all have issues to some degree, and those things add up and complicate eachvother and this is all happening during an event that normally is automatic and immediate for people. Of course they choose then to go to their automatic behaviors and phrases. To say whatever will just end this now. Or just say things that will allow them to desperately get what they want or need. For some it just gets frustrating to not be able to fully be involved so they just give up. And you are so right, doing therapy with these kids is way more than just trying to help work on the underlying skill issues, it is trying to overcome the emotional complications/frustrations etc. I truly don't think that other staff who work with kids realize the importance of language therapy for these students (I can't tell you how many times I was not invited to a meeting because it was thought to be "just speech") Even kids who have "only" a language disability have a horrible disadvantage in life. Just is really hard to convince people how much this affects them. In the school you wont have a choice of therapists, though whoever you had assess him seems to really understand. He needs therapists who are not locked into flashcards, etc. Someone who can work on a goal using whatever method appeals to difficult child, playing games, casual conversation, art, music, whatever works. Q lost a whole year of language progress with a very rigid, worksheet/flash card therapist last year. That does not match his Kindergarten style of learning. </p><p></p><p>2. Funny that a language disability is more neurological to your mom than being mentally retarded, lol. But it is fine, whatever allows her to see the big picture. My dad didn't get it until I asked him to sit in on an IEP at a school that was really lying to me and treating me rudely when Q was in first grade. I said he didn't have to know anything or say anything, just sit there as a witness. From then on he felt like an expert in autism,lol. HE would defend and explain to anyone anywhere. Made me a little crazy that he didn't get it from my communication, but I am not an expert mom/speech pathologist to him, I am just his kid.</p><p></p><p>3. Yes, in fourth grade the language level in texts, socially, in teaching etc. all changes (some in third too, and certainly by fifth). For language and social communication kids, this is a huge problem and where lots of behavior problems increase. This is the point where many kids who are really kids with autism start getting diagnosed. The communication aspects become so much more dramatic that people see it is not just adhd/odd types of behaviors. It will not only be the therapy that will be important, it will be the education of those who work with him and the accommodations for his skill deficits that will be very very important.</p><p></p><p>4. The one that is hardest..... Having people write off your child as a rude, disrespectful troublemaker. The story of my life. Tonight my son, after having his seizure symptom pattern (which is not obvious to people who dont understand, just looks like he gets tired or has headaches) was lying on my father's couch during a family get together. People were in the room he was in playing games an talking (which is a trigger for him to blurt out in the first place, irrelevant comments, just trying to be a part of things). I went to give him his medications and it was like it woke him to a different level and he grabbed them roughly, started saying every word or phrase that is shocking, all in random crazy order not making any sense in the situaiton (he had not been told no to anything, he was taking the medications fine, not complaining about THAT, just seemed very very automatic) he was angry sounding and looking, threw the water he had in the cup (My dad and his wife are pretty much neat freaks) then he started spitting....the nasty kind, hocking loogies I think they call it...sigh) One sister got caught up....Q you need to stop...of course it escalated at that point. the rest of us just got our things (it was about that time anyway which is harder...a transition) and I let my dad and murt clean up with no apologies (I will thank them later, but he would have reacted) and went out to the car knowing he would follow (that's it he wasn't really being uncooperative, just could not stop). ON the ride home.... it just continued, didn't escalate, just kept on stuck in those words and phrases...and spitting at me the whole way home. Since I had given the medications, it was starting to calm down, in the house he decided to take a bath and it all just faded away. </p><p>Try to get any school anywhere to realize this is not a rude child with a bad mother. I defy any non difficult child "good mother" to handle that how I did. I suspect this kid would have been black and blue and still doing it at this moment due to people escalating him. Not bragging, just letting you know that I get it, we are good parents and our kids are not just "bad" kids. It is so heart breaking that this is how it is playing out for them. I have a friend with a child in a wheel chair that said she would much rather deal with all of the physical complications. Her daughter is perceived as a sweet little special needs kid. There is not the added social stigma put on her from the school and public. I agree.</p><p></p><p>5. When kids sound "fine" until those moments. Their language choices stay with what they know, and what is easy to get out. So, their abilities are not pushed at those times. They will artfully avoid or redirect or just talk off topic. Or they will control the topic by starting their own conversations and not allowing the conversation to take a turn for something different. They come up with ingenious methods, not consciously, just coping skills they learn to do for survival. People tend to WAY over-estimate a child's abilities due to this. It is really hard to deal with because you are not going to go around telling every single person what the real reason they are acting this way is. But it is a good skill to have for the most part. It will allow them to get by in most casual situations. </p><p></p><p>SO, you know now. It is amazing and you can help him work toward more functional skills. I dont know if you have the opportunity, but for us, we have done private along with school speech/language therapy. I am starting him again. When you shop for a therapist, ask how they do therapy. See if they are play based, or whatever you think matches your child's style. No matter the style, they have to be able to work on a goal in more than one way. They have to be flexible and be able to switch methods on the spot. If you see a pattern of same old same old when your child is in therapy IF they are not making progress....then ask for a different therapist who can match his learning style better. Everyone has kids they click with and kids they dont. by the way, I always tell them my child is likely to call them a Nword bword etc... I tell them that I need a therapist who will not over-react and who will not take it personally. Some say they will and dont, that is understandable because it is shocking to be called those things, but some wont ever try.... so I feel like it is worth getting it on record so they can't say they didn't know and I can say i warned you....smile</p><p></p><p>Hope you dont mind my little soap box here, your situation and your son really touched me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 481689, member: 12886"] Well, your life and mine overlap so much. Really can relate to so much of what you are saying.... 1. yes, can you imagine having so much to express and the areas of your brain that allow you to retrieve information, put ideas together, pick vocabulary, formulate a sentence then execute the sentence could all have issues to some degree, and those things add up and complicate eachvother and this is all happening during an event that normally is automatic and immediate for people. Of course they choose then to go to their automatic behaviors and phrases. To say whatever will just end this now. Or just say things that will allow them to desperately get what they want or need. For some it just gets frustrating to not be able to fully be involved so they just give up. And you are so right, doing therapy with these kids is way more than just trying to help work on the underlying skill issues, it is trying to overcome the emotional complications/frustrations etc. I truly don't think that other staff who work with kids realize the importance of language therapy for these students (I can't tell you how many times I was not invited to a meeting because it was thought to be "just speech") Even kids who have "only" a language disability have a horrible disadvantage in life. Just is really hard to convince people how much this affects them. In the school you wont have a choice of therapists, though whoever you had assess him seems to really understand. He needs therapists who are not locked into flashcards, etc. Someone who can work on a goal using whatever method appeals to difficult child, playing games, casual conversation, art, music, whatever works. Q lost a whole year of language progress with a very rigid, worksheet/flash card therapist last year. That does not match his Kindergarten style of learning. 2. Funny that a language disability is more neurological to your mom than being mentally retarded, lol. But it is fine, whatever allows her to see the big picture. My dad didn't get it until I asked him to sit in on an IEP at a school that was really lying to me and treating me rudely when Q was in first grade. I said he didn't have to know anything or say anything, just sit there as a witness. From then on he felt like an expert in autism,lol. HE would defend and explain to anyone anywhere. Made me a little crazy that he didn't get it from my communication, but I am not an expert mom/speech pathologist to him, I am just his kid. 3. Yes, in fourth grade the language level in texts, socially, in teaching etc. all changes (some in third too, and certainly by fifth). For language and social communication kids, this is a huge problem and where lots of behavior problems increase. This is the point where many kids who are really kids with autism start getting diagnosed. The communication aspects become so much more dramatic that people see it is not just adhd/odd types of behaviors. It will not only be the therapy that will be important, it will be the education of those who work with him and the accommodations for his skill deficits that will be very very important. 4. The one that is hardest..... Having people write off your child as a rude, disrespectful troublemaker. The story of my life. Tonight my son, after having his seizure symptom pattern (which is not obvious to people who dont understand, just looks like he gets tired or has headaches) was lying on my father's couch during a family get together. People were in the room he was in playing games an talking (which is a trigger for him to blurt out in the first place, irrelevant comments, just trying to be a part of things). I went to give him his medications and it was like it woke him to a different level and he grabbed them roughly, started saying every word or phrase that is shocking, all in random crazy order not making any sense in the situaiton (he had not been told no to anything, he was taking the medications fine, not complaining about THAT, just seemed very very automatic) he was angry sounding and looking, threw the water he had in the cup (My dad and his wife are pretty much neat freaks) then he started spitting....the nasty kind, hocking loogies I think they call it...sigh) One sister got caught up....Q you need to stop...of course it escalated at that point. the rest of us just got our things (it was about that time anyway which is harder...a transition) and I let my dad and murt clean up with no apologies (I will thank them later, but he would have reacted) and went out to the car knowing he would follow (that's it he wasn't really being uncooperative, just could not stop). ON the ride home.... it just continued, didn't escalate, just kept on stuck in those words and phrases...and spitting at me the whole way home. Since I had given the medications, it was starting to calm down, in the house he decided to take a bath and it all just faded away. Try to get any school anywhere to realize this is not a rude child with a bad mother. I defy any non difficult child "good mother" to handle that how I did. I suspect this kid would have been black and blue and still doing it at this moment due to people escalating him. Not bragging, just letting you know that I get it, we are good parents and our kids are not just "bad" kids. It is so heart breaking that this is how it is playing out for them. I have a friend with a child in a wheel chair that said she would much rather deal with all of the physical complications. Her daughter is perceived as a sweet little special needs kid. There is not the added social stigma put on her from the school and public. I agree. 5. When kids sound "fine" until those moments. Their language choices stay with what they know, and what is easy to get out. So, their abilities are not pushed at those times. They will artfully avoid or redirect or just talk off topic. Or they will control the topic by starting their own conversations and not allowing the conversation to take a turn for something different. They come up with ingenious methods, not consciously, just coping skills they learn to do for survival. People tend to WAY over-estimate a child's abilities due to this. It is really hard to deal with because you are not going to go around telling every single person what the real reason they are acting this way is. But it is a good skill to have for the most part. It will allow them to get by in most casual situations. SO, you know now. It is amazing and you can help him work toward more functional skills. I dont know if you have the opportunity, but for us, we have done private along with school speech/language therapy. I am starting him again. When you shop for a therapist, ask how they do therapy. See if they are play based, or whatever you think matches your child's style. No matter the style, they have to be able to work on a goal in more than one way. They have to be flexible and be able to switch methods on the spot. If you see a pattern of same old same old when your child is in therapy IF they are not making progress....then ask for a different therapist who can match his learning style better. Everyone has kids they click with and kids they dont. by the way, I always tell them my child is likely to call them a Nword bword etc... I tell them that I need a therapist who will not over-react and who will not take it personally. Some say they will and dont, that is understandable because it is shocking to be called those things, but some wont ever try.... so I feel like it is worth getting it on record so they can't say they didn't know and I can say i warned you....smile Hope you dont mind my little soap box here, your situation and your son really touched me. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Son is totally out of control
Top