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Soon it will be March
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 764793" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Newstart,</p><p>I’m sorry that you are still dealing with the impending visit from your hubs toxic family member. I think you are right to have a plan of action to keep yourself busy so that you have less engagement.</p><p>It is a good thing that your hubs is at the least agreeable to having his health checked. There is much focus on hormonal changes in women regarding menopause, but I think men go through changes too as they age. I wonder if your hubs move to reach out again to his family of origin is due to that old clock ticking and a desire to re-establish some sort of relationship. It is still not okay to do so without first checking with you. </p><p>My father in law was super abusive to his wife and family. Yet, hubs still wanted to have some sort of relationship with him. It was stressful but I had to “go with the flow” for years. That was hard. I knew too many of the old stories and hubs had buried most of it which ended up as baggage affecting our marriage.</p><p>When I fostered my grands almost 5 years ago, I had to do research on childhood trauma and such. There was a lot of info on attachment disorders that develop as a result of being raised in a dysfunctional household. That gave me some additional insight as to why hubs was the way he was. He was a good man who had lived through way too much chaos in his youth. As he grew older and suffered through illness, he withdrew more to himself. It was a tough couple of years. </p><p>I hope your hubs is able to understand your concerns and work with you in the future. </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 764793, member: 19522"] Hi Newstart, I’m sorry that you are still dealing with the impending visit from your hubs toxic family member. I think you are right to have a plan of action to keep yourself busy so that you have less engagement. It is a good thing that your hubs is at the least agreeable to having his health checked. There is much focus on hormonal changes in women regarding menopause, but I think men go through changes too as they age. I wonder if your hubs move to reach out again to his family of origin is due to that old clock ticking and a desire to re-establish some sort of relationship. It is still not okay to do so without first checking with you. My father in law was super abusive to his wife and family. Yet, hubs still wanted to have some sort of relationship with him. It was stressful but I had to “go with the flow” for years. That was hard. I knew too many of the old stories and hubs had buried most of it which ended up as baggage affecting our marriage. When I fostered my grands almost 5 years ago, I had to do research on childhood trauma and such. There was a lot of info on attachment disorders that develop as a result of being raised in a dysfunctional household. That gave me some additional insight as to why hubs was the way he was. He was a good man who had lived through way too much chaos in his youth. As he grew older and suffered through illness, he withdrew more to himself. It was a tough couple of years. I hope your hubs is able to understand your concerns and work with you in the future. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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