Sooo frustrated

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, May 9, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    difficult child has been lying to us, and I know that. But there have been so many issues at school I don't know who to believe. I had instructed him a few months ago when he was complaining about them putting him in a little room, putting his desk in the corner, and other things like that to call me. So, I had gone to school several times and spoke with VP. Even had him escort me to the classrooms so I could see for myself. He didn't want to but I insisted. difficult child was correct. When I see this, I take difficult child home. No reason for that when he hasn't done anything "yet". that is the answer the teachers give when I ask why. To prevent him from talking to others, or causing trouble. he is NOT violent, he is defiant and has quite a sassy mouth. (not swearing..yelling mean things)
    I recieved an email on Monday morning saying difficult child had detention he must serve. If not he'll be suspended. I hear the same thing everytime they send me an email. However, I recieved the email at 2:48pm. Less than an hour before school gets out.
    I have requested from school for advance notice since he often has appointments and cannot stay. I ask why he has detention. the teacher who sends it to me says she doesn't know, contact the office. I contact the office (VP) and he says tardies to class. Oh..this one really got me. He has one Truancy/Tardy. He was 7 minutes late coming back from lunch one day. They did an "all call" on the PA system and he still didn't come. When he did he told them he was in the bathroom. So..if you are taking care of business in the bathroom and you hear your name..are you suppose to run to class with your pants down? For that he has been marked Truant/Tardy and must serve detention.
    His teachers avoid me and always direct me to spec. ed. teacher. She is not always in the class. difficult child has one detention because in HIS words, the teacher dismisses them by name, or pointing. He thought she pointed at him so he got up. She then yelled at him to sit down. Detention. VP says he was told to sit down three times. Now, these past several weeks difficult child has had many appointments. I try to make them after school, but Dr's don't always comply with that. So, I then make the appointment during his lunch. (12:55 - 1:30). I send a note to school with him, he goes into the office first thing and they give him a pass to give to his teacher so he can leave. He signs out when he leaves and signs in when he returns (in office) I was informed by VP yesterday that he has detention everyday this week and next Monday. (they are allowed 5 tardies per class, any tardy after that is a detention). It is hard for me to believe that he has been late that many times. All his class rooms are in a small wing of the school, some classrooms you need to walk through the other to get there, so connected. His locker is immediately outside the door of one class, and very close to the other. His "house" has a different passing time as other "houses" to avoid the crowds and talking. (all houses).
    I asked VP which teacher/class's is he late for. (there are some of his teachers that just do not like him and I can tell that by talking to them) VP told me to ask spec. ed. teacher. So I did. she told me ask the office??? I am suspecting that in the morning he goes to the office to get his pass. That will make him late for class, although the office gives him a pass stating he was in there. I do not think the teachers even look at the passes, just mark him tardy. When I asked difficult child which classes he said Math and Science. First period...and first class after lunch. So, that could mean just what I suspect. And there are many times we do not get back from a lunch time appointment until the next class has started. difficult child swears he isn't late like that, admits a few tardies, but not 30+ tardies.
    I sent an email to both VP and spec. ed. teacher if someone can tell me the dates and classes he has been tardy for. (I will check them against my appointment book) They can also tell by the log at school where he signs in and out. Nobody wants to supply me with this information. I am frustrated with school even before this. He has such anxiety issues that he should be getting guidance on how to recognize anxiety, and how to handle himself. I would think that was part of Special Education. services. Instead, he gets yelled at, kicked out of class or detention.
    School testing next week from school psychologist. She sounds as if it is a bother for her to do this. Should I send each one of his teachers a note asking them the dates when he is tardy?
    I do not take him to school early..less time to get into trouble. I take him at 8:25, school starts at 8:30.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You know, I can tell you are frustrated. And I would bet that you are as frustrated with the school as you are with difficult child. I am also going to guess that this is not a black or white issue.

    For example, the fact that he is seperated from the other students. Personally, I find nothing wrong with that. There are other kids in that class that the teacher needs to consider, and it probably benefits difficult child to not be distracted as well. If you are taking him out of class when you see that happen, the school may be seeing you as unreasonable.

    Next example, being late for class after lunch. He was seven minutes late? Trust me, I am not picking on you or difficult child, I am just pointing this out: he could have left the lunch table a few minutes earlier, and made it to class on time. Seven minutes is a long time.

    Now, I don't know why the school has a hard time with howing you when the tardies are. Maybe it is a build up of things. I'd march into the office, kicking :censored2: and taking names. But then I would accept what the answers are, if in fact it is your difficult child playing you like a fiddle. Kids do that. If they see that you are willing to advocate for them no matter what, oh heck yeah, they will play both sides of the fence. I bet the school is very frustrated as well.

    I am sorry if this sounded harsh. I am sorry if it was not what you wanted to hear. I am praying very hard for you and your difficult child, and for the teachers and admin at the school as well. difficult child deserves to feel safe, and you deserve to feel peace. May it be so.

    Gentle hugs your way.